Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have woke him up

49 replies

CPmadness · 10/12/2022 20:03

Me and DH been on the rocks for a while- finished counselling in the summer and was fairly positive outcome - just to give you some background .

DH has been on late shifts this week (was off Tuesday and Wednesday) and has his last late shift tonight before 3 weeks off from tomorrow

Due to the timing of his shifts I've been 100% dealing with the kids, school runs , dinners , bedtimes, and my own 30hr week job too

This morning I wanted to exercise in our garage which is below the room he was sleeping in

I was up with DC since 6am , I checked door bell cam and saw that he got home at 2325- calculated that reasonably he would be in bed by 0100 so thought that 0900 would be an okay time for me to use the garage

DC come in with me as they like to 'exercise ' alongside me.

Got out of the garage 40 mins later and he was up and went mental saying can I not use that room when hes asleep above blah blah

Then started having a go at DD about the missing remote. I stuck up for her and it ended with shouting

I took kids out as planned today and got texts from him saying it's his decision when he wakes up not mine and I'm ignorant and selfish

Got home and he left for work without saying bye which led to me spending an hour comforting DD as she was upset about it

AIbU to have exercised at 0900 subsequently waking him up?

OP posts:
Onefootinthegroove · 10/12/2022 20:04

YANBU

ConnieTucker · 10/12/2022 20:05

Will he have complete childcare and parenting responsibility tomorrow and for the next three weeks?

Xmassprout · 10/12/2022 20:07

I finish work at midnight every night, and am usually up well before 09:00. That was a perfectly reasonable time. You do sometimes need more sleep when working hours like that, but that was still plenty of time

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 20:07

While I can understand him being annoyed if he's had a bad night's sleep, it would be more reasonable if there was a blanket rule on using the garage before xxx time if he's on nights.

He shod the just go off on one if you've made an honest mistake.

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 20:08

That should read...he shouldn't just go off on one if you've made an honest mistake

BronwenFrideswide · 10/12/2022 20:09

You are not being unreasonable at all he is.

How awful for your children to be on the receiving end of his temper.

Is being married to him really worth it?

Dillydollydingdong · 10/12/2022 20:09

How much noise can a person make doing exercise ffs? An exercise bike isn't noisy. Those running machines aren't noisy. Or or do you shout and go whoop whoop when you're exercising?

TidyDancer · 10/12/2022 20:10

I think if you knew he was asleep and you knew the noise would wake him up then it was maybe not the best choice. His reaction absolutely was excessive and he owes you all an apology but I don't think I would've done what you did either.

It can be very difficult for shift workers to regulate sleep and it does sometimes take a while to wind down when you get in.

Original poster
CPmadness · 10/12/2022 20:13

Dillydollydingdong · 10/12/2022 20:09

How much noise can a person make doing exercise ffs? An exercise bike isn't noisy. Those running machines aren't noisy. Or or do you shout and go whoop whoop when you're exercising?

Its weights so I guess the odd dink now and then when I put them down

Maybe the odd "jesus christ " Haha

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/12/2022 20:16

When you have children it’s not 100% your own decision when you get up. In a couple with children, you are a team.

Families also can’t sneak around all day because one person needs to catch up on sleep - and you were going out later anyway.

Original poster
CPmadness · 10/12/2022 20:18

TidyDancer · 10/12/2022 20:10

I think if you knew he was asleep and you knew the noise would wake him up then it was maybe not the best choice. His reaction absolutely was excessive and he owes you all an apology but I don't think I would've done what you did either.

It can be very difficult for shift workers to regulate sleep and it does sometimes take a while to wind down when you get in.

Yeh I agree and I thought 1.5 hours when home was reasonable till he went to bed

I do shifts too although not perhaps to the extreme as his - he does very earlies, middles or lates.
Where as I do long days or long nights

Shift work is bad for health- and I was taking the kids out all day at 11... so I did want to fit exercise in

OP posts:
coldec · 10/12/2022 20:19

I probably wouldn't have used the noisy room, given he is about to have 3 weeks off and it was 9am I think you could have waited a bit longer.

However, if i did wake DH up he would get up and make me a cup of tea. I think his reaction is your problem, not whether or not you were right to use the room.

boomboombang · 10/12/2022 20:22

He sounds delightful
please drip feed his good qualities or it’s a ltb for me

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 10/12/2022 20:22

He probably went to bed later not knowing he was going to be woken at that time, it’s all about communication.

AutumnTreacle · 10/12/2022 20:27

Christ, why should you have to tiptoe around for the entire day whist he’s sleeping?!
I’ve worked shifts before and know I’m not the only person living in the house so if there is a bit of noise I stuck on some white noise and go back to sleep.
Tell him to buy himself some fucking earplugs if he’s going to be so dramatic about a few dumbbells and talking within his earshot.

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/12/2022 20:29

His reaction was over the top but I do think it was unreasonable to use the room,knowing full well it would wake him up.

If I knew my husband had gone to sleep at say, 10pm, I wouldn't purposely do something noisey that would probably wake him at 7am because I wanted to and, with those timings he'd had 9 hours sleep.. I think that's inconsiderate.

Manchester1990 · 10/12/2022 20:29

The bit I’m concerned about is him ignoring his daughter, he’s a terrible father imo for that alone.

tell him to do one.

Original poster
CPmadness · 10/12/2022 20:34

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/12/2022 20:29

His reaction was over the top but I do think it was unreasonable to use the room,knowing full well it would wake him up.

If I knew my husband had gone to sleep at say, 10pm, I wouldn't purposely do something noisey that would probably wake him at 7am because I wanted to and, with those timings he'd had 9 hours sleep.. I think that's inconsiderate.

I didn't know "full well" it would wake him up. I guess i knew there was a chance it would wake him being the room below the bedroom. Which is why I waited till 9am. I guess I shouldn't have done it at that time.

Hes right in that it's his decision when he wakes up I agree with that but I didn't think it would wake him up completely that he would literally have to get up.

Maybe we will need.a.coversation about this and when is reasonable time for me to exercise in these situations.

He had Tuesday and Wednesday off. Last night was his 2nd late shift of 3. It's not like he is pulling 6 nights in a row

OP posts:
Bard6817 · 10/12/2022 20:40

From your description, it sounds like you barely made a sound. Doesn’t add up.

rwalker · 10/12/2022 20:44

You knew very well it would wake him up that’s why you checked to see what time he came in
then when you decide he’d had enough sleep you cracked on and woke him up
sorry but to start working out a 9 in the morning under the room where someone asleep is basically a massive fuck your to them

using the fact you’ve had to do everything at home because he was at work you can’t use that it’s not as though he was sat watching u he was working

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/12/2022 20:51

I wouldn’t have done a (potentially noisy) workout if he was sleeping myself, but his over- reaction is an issue too. I think you both need (another?) honest convo about being considerate/give and take, etc? Do you both really want to stay together, or are you both just constantly niggling away at each other because actually this relationship is in its death throes?

NoelNoNoel · 10/12/2022 20:54

I probably would have waited until 10am.

MuthaHubbard · 10/12/2022 20:55

I bet wasn't your decision to wake up at 6am but you had to for DCs

Original poster
CPmadness · 10/12/2022 20:58

NoelNoNoel · 10/12/2022 20:54

I probably would have waited until 10am.

I probably should have but i was taking DCs out all day from 11. So I weighed it all up

OP posts:
Original poster
CPmadness · 10/12/2022 21:00

MuthaHubbard · 10/12/2022 20:55

I bet wasn't your decision to wake up at 6am but you had to for DCs

Thank u!!!!

And I'm always up with the DCs whether im at work or not. He sleeps way more than me and that's not just me being a martyr.

I'm up with them every day. Even when I I have to work a night that night

OP posts: