To stop answering calls from ex MIL

[upintheclouds1000]

My ex and I share a child who is 6 months old. Ex MIL lives in a different city, so doesn't get to see DD as much as she likes to. Because of this, she FaceTimes me EVERY single day wanting to see the baby. Obviously because DD is still a baby, the whole FaceTime call usually consists of me holding the phone in front of the baby's face, while ex MIL makes excruciatingly annoying baby noises. These calls usually last around at least half an hour, and I can never seem to get her off the phone. It is getting a bit relentless.

Last night when I was out with friends without the baby, I could see her calling me and I just thought 'for goodness sake, leave me alone!' and didn't answer the call. Today I felt bad, so I sent her a text this morning to say sorry for missing her call and that I would call later. I am yet to call back and to be honest don't want to. I also don't think I'm going to answer the phone if she calls me.

Have spoken to ex about this and said the daily calls are a bit much, but he just says it's only because she doesn't get to see DD as much so uses FaceTime to keep in touch. I completely understand this, but still don't think she needs to call every day! How can I tell her nicely to stop calling me so much?!

That’s crazy and double crazy given you aren’t even with dad anymore.

Can’t you prop up the phone in front of the baby in a bouncy chair and use it as free childcare time!

Why don’t you have a schedule for calls. Three times a week at set times?
Or a regular month visit when she comes to see you?
I see it from both sides.

How often does you ex have the baby?

I wouldn’t be happy with it either! I’d start missing calls and not being as available to her, you could also send short video clips of DD earlier in the day so she’s had her fix maybe. Boundaries are your friend here.

Shell grow tired of it eventually

Does your ex ever have time with the baby by himself? Can’t she call when he’s on duty?

Does your ex have contact time alone? This is where his mum gets to see the baby. It’s unusual for grandparents to see the baby daily. Just don’t answer.

Just answer less. It’s nice she wants to keep in contact with her grandchild but half an hour cooing at a baby is too much. Tell her you are struggling to facilitate so much time.

Tell ex he can call his mom whenever he's spending time with the baby.

This is ridiculous. It's not normal for a grandparent to have daily contact regardless of whether you are separated or not. That's not to say that it might not work for everyone but it clearly doesn't.

You can’t say that nicely to be honest - well, you can try but it won’t go down well. I understand daily phone calls are relentless. Is baby ever with ex, even if he only visits? If so, the phone calls should happen during his time with baby and you have every right to put him in charge of them. If you got along with ex MIL well and really want to please her, I would say “Sorry X, a daily call is a bit much- I don’t even have time for my own side of the family every day. So from now on it’s going to be a weekly call”.

I’d stop answering her calls completely, and send her a short video once or twice a week.

Your ex can spend half an hour a day face timing with her when he has his child.

How can I tell her nicely to stop calling me so much?!

What is the concern with "nicely?" You just tell her calmly and directly.

"Barbara, these daily calls are no longer convenient for me, so we need to limit them to once or twice a week.

Once a week and then when ex can have DC he can facilitate

No I just wouldn't facilitate it to be honest
No way

Video dd doing naff all. As a 6 mo baby will be doing.. Send her it every day when you wake up.
Rinse and repeat..

This

I wouldn’t even commit to a once or twice a week call. 30 minutes+ holding your phone up in front of the baby. No, it’s ridiculous.

I would ring her and say that you value how much she loves your child, but you are finding the daily calls problematic. Tell her you will speak to her once a week only. I'm sure she will understand. I think she's just terrified she will lose contact with her grandchild.

I’d start by putting a limit on how long they go for half an hour talking to an ex MIL no thanks!! After 5 minutes I’d be saying ‘ok time for bath, bottle, nap, bye ’ and hang up.

She’s an ex-MIL you don’t need to appease her your ex can spend longer in his contact time on the phone to her

I agree with others, send pics and videos on your terms and stop indulging these video calls. It's unrealistic to think a mum has half an hour EVERY DAY to dedicate to this nonsense. Pics/ videos keep her in the loop but mean you can do it at a time that suits you and you can crack on with your day without half hour interruptions

thats absolutely rediculous!! i would stop that right now.

Choices IMO are;
when x has contact he phones his mum or:
you send daily pics/vids when it suits YOU and every other week facetime/weekly

30 minutes every day is much too much but it is lovely that she wants to be close.

She’s probably anxious that she’s going to lose touch if you and her son aren’t together.

I am biased because I had almost daily FaceTimes with my dgd, when she lived away. Only for about three minutes, though it did build a strong bond.

Can you be breezy after 5 mins and say “right got to go. Love you nanny. Bye.”

I know your baby is too young at the moment OP, but what worked for us was to prop the phone up at tea time and chat away.

It's your ex's responsibility to ensure his mum has contact with your child, not yours.

I wouldn't feel guilty ip.