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Original poster

To stop answering calls from ex MIL

45 replies

upintheclouds1000 · 10/12/2022 19:52

My ex and I share a child who is 6 months old. Ex MIL lives in a different city, so doesn't get to see DD as much as she likes to. Because of this, she FaceTimes me EVERY single day wanting to see the baby. Obviously because DD is still a baby, the whole FaceTime call usually consists of me holding the phone in front of the baby's face, while ex MIL makes excruciatingly annoying baby noises. These calls usually last around at least half an hour, and I can never seem to get her off the phone. It is getting a bit relentless.

Last night when I was out with friends without the baby, I could see her calling me and I just thought 'for goodness sake, leave me alone!' and didn't answer the call. Today I felt bad, so I sent her a text this morning to say sorry for missing her call and that I would call later. I am yet to call back and to be honest don't want to. I also don't think I'm going to answer the phone if she calls me.

Have spoken to ex about this and said the daily calls are a bit much, but he just says it's only because she doesn't get to see DD as much so uses FaceTime to keep in touch. I completely understand this, but still don't think she needs to call every day! How can I tell her nicely to stop calling me so much?!

OP posts:
Mumlifedc · 10/12/2022 20:38

Could you ask her to swap daily calls for weekly babysitting, this give you some downtime for exercise, coffee with friends or whatever you would enjoy. That way she is getting a good relationship with her grandchild and you get a break.

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 20:42

All these people saying it's your existence responsibility....yes, it is BUT you would be massively shortsighted to conduct yourself like this.

It is in yours and your child best interests to have many people around to help raise her. Your ex might turn out to be a useless waster but if you keep your ex MIL on side, you have another person to help you.

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 20:43

Ex's,not existence!

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 10/12/2022 20:45

Why isn't she ringing her son?

beatsin8s · 10/12/2022 20:49

Assuming you allow your baby to see their Dad, he can call her during that time then maybe once or twice a week from you if he is not seeing them often. She clearly cares about you child. Work it out between you and you ex for the baby's sake.

pimlicoanna · 10/12/2022 20:50

Why are you allowing it? Stop answering the phone.

MimiSunshine · 10/12/2022 20:51

Do you both gave iPhones? If so set up a shared album with her, and start dropping in the photos and videos you probably take anyway and so she gets her baby fix. But even if you were with your ex, I’d still find calling every day too much.

Android may do similar albums or there is Google drive

beatsin8s · 10/12/2022 20:51

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 20:42

All these people saying it's your existence responsibility....yes, it is BUT you would be massively shortsighted to conduct yourself like this.

It is in yours and your child best interests to have many people around to help raise her. Your ex might turn out to be a useless waster but if you keep your ex MIL on side, you have another person to help you.

I agree. I don't even like my ex MIL (it's mutual) but understand the importance of her being in my children's life for their sake.

liarliarshortsonfire · 10/12/2022 20:52

It's up to dad to facilitate the contact with your dc.

ImCindaCanning · 10/12/2022 20:55

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 20:42

All these people saying it's your existence responsibility....yes, it is BUT you would be massively shortsighted to conduct yourself like this.

It is in yours and your child best interests to have many people around to help raise her. Your ex might turn out to be a useless waster but if you keep your ex MIL on side, you have another person to help you.

So in your opinion a 30 minute video call EVERY SINGLE DAY is fine and dandy? I wouldn't subject my own daughter and her child to that and we have a close relationship.

ImAvingOops · 10/12/2022 21:00

Half an hour every day is mad - I wouldn't even do that with my own mother, let alone an ex's!
I think it's okay to say that this is too much and you'll facetime her once a week so she can see the baby.

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 21:00

ImCindaCanning · 10/12/2022 20:55

So in your opinion a 30 minute video call EVERY SINGLE DAY is fine and dandy? I wouldn't subject my own daughter and her child to that and we have a close relationship.

Show quote history

No, it's not at all reasonable of the ex MIL...as stated in my previous post (post number 20 on this thread. Once a week is about right imo)

StickyCricket · 10/12/2022 21:03

keep your ex MIL on side, you have another person to help you

She’s not helping though, is she?

She’s being a massive hindrance by taking up a minimum of 30 minutes of the OP’s time, a single mum with a 6 month old baby, every day.

Helping would be arranging visits at a time convenient to OP, bringing her a lasagne for dinner, offering to babysit for a couple of hours with the OP does some shopping, goes to the gym, meets friends for a coffee, catches up on some housework, etc.

Tying her to her phone for 30 minutes a day is not helping.

Zanatdy · 10/12/2022 21:06

Definitely too much, let her know you want her to call twice per week. Give her some days and times and don’t answer at other times. Say you’re busy, you don’t need to explain anything

whatstheteamarie · 10/12/2022 21:15

The best part about being a single parent is only having to deal with your side of the family.

Just send her a message saying that the daily calls aren't convenient and going forward she can have contact with DC via your ex when he has the baby.

You're bound to get push back, but your ex is the person responsible for building good relationships with his side of the family, I'm sure you've got enough on your plate without that job as well.

keepcalm11 · 10/12/2022 21:30

Sounds a bit odd, and why is she calling at night time ? I dont think you necessarily have to do anything or tell her anything. Just answer when she calls if it suits you and dont answer if it doesn't .

FavouritePi · 10/12/2022 21:31

girlmom21 · 10/12/2022 19:58

Tell ex he can call his mom whenever he's spending time with the baby.

This.

Even when you are with a partner you are not obligated to send videos, pictures and face time stuff with her.

Now you're not together it should be on his time and he needs to arrange her seeing your DD. You're going above and beyond what is necessary or normal.

StrewthMarge · 11/12/2022 07:39

Urgh. I had this and I wasn't even divorced. Mil would call up to 8 times every day.

I just didn't answer in the end.

MusicstillonMTV · 11/12/2022 07:43

How far away is she?

If I were a single parent, I would probably look to turn this into in person support - if you're ready to leave the baby, could she come over once a week and look after her for a few hours?

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 11/12/2022 07:46

I wouldn't do any calls with her unless i got along with her enough to want to talk to her myself. You're not with her son anymore so she shouldn't be phoning you for face time with the baby, that's madness especially for so long every single day! She can face time her son when he has the baby, most grandparents don't see their grandchild/ren every day. I would tell her nicely that you are often busy so don't have time and ask her to stop phoning you, if that fails just ignore her calls.

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