Friendship Group

[Lostforwords7]

My DH and I are part of a group of 8, but feel 2 of the group, husband and wife and cutting us out of things and using another group chat to make arrangements with the others without us. We also have another set of friends, who are mutual friends of the 2, and they recently told us that they were asked not to invite us etc to things. We are so hurt and atm angry by this, that so far, we haven’t confronted them. DH wants to just walk away, but then it would mean not doing things with the others. I think I ‘know’ what I should do, but it hurts so much.

They do sadly @Hoplesscynic

This has happened to me/us. It's really shit and because the friendship group from which we were systematically excluded are all neighbours, I inevitably see them from time to time. I try to remain polite but distant. We have developed our own group of very nice friends (whom the Queen Bees disapprove of) and our social life is fine now, but I still feel incredibly bitter towards the two Queen Bees. And towards the weak other members of their coterie, who let the freezing out happen.

The sheep in the friendship group have probably bitched about you behind your back. Likely instigated by the shit stirring couple. This is why they won't confront the exclusion nor stick up for you. They are afraid of it being brought up. I learned all this from Real Housewives franchises. People are the same all over the world. Plus they love drama, as long as they are not the centre of it. I am sorry you are going through this though, making friends later in life is harder and we all expect to have a good crew around us as we age. Losing that is unsettling. Mind yourself and don't be surprised if you find yourself grieving for the friendships you thought you could rely on. I hope you find a little spark of anger and give them all a good telling off for such childish behaviour!

I just cannot fathom why people want this unnecessary drama in their lives. It says more about them sadly. Still really hurts though.

They sound toxic . Id be concerned that the other friends aren’t calling them out. This is playground worthy!

Oh yes the Queen bee syndrome, honestly can never work out if someone like that is supremely up their own backside or incredibly insecure! Even if someone is that insecure, it's not an excuse to manipulate people and treat them like crap, and I'd have no sympathy for them!

@XanaduKira nope I'm in the south east so just more of the same types of people around sadly! So much is for show and social media, my friend said it was like the others in the group were addicted to being part of this couple's online lives as well as their parties etc! I've had a look myself as the profiles are public, it's all idealised, perfect looking family and lives and imo a lot of stealth boasting. Although I was more concerned by the fact the mum was regularly posting pics of their dc in school uniforms with logos, holding certificates with their full names and school names on and their birthdays, ages, the places they take them to etc. Sorry not trying to go off on a tangent but it really bothers me people potentially putting children at risk like that.

King and Queen bees are a pain in the arse because they feel unimportant and inferior in much of their lives and try to make up for it with controlling lunacy in their social lives.

If your group chooses them over you two, they have no backbones.

Well if they're already letting these weirdoes track their phones...

We were quite upset a few years ago when only some of DH’s university group were invited to a 25th wedding anniversary of one couple. Three couples were excluded. DH said it was more to do with what car you drove! I said it was more to do with being upwardly mobile and jobs! Just odd that people we thought valued friends, and had been friends for over 25 years, didn’t invite all those in the friendship group.

the couple divorced a few years later. She went off with a man from the golf club to maintain her lifestyle. Her DHs business wasn’t doing well.

@Lostforwords7 Would you consider sending something like this? Or has it gone too far beyond?

Hello everyone, we've been so looking forward to our meet-up on Monday.

However, it has come, to our attention, from a reliable source, that "Julie & John" (King/Queen bee) would prefer not to have us in their company and indeed, actively discourage other members of our wonderful group to include us in any get-togethers.

We would never wish to be the cause of discord within our group, so, we will not attend on Monday.

Although it baffles and saddens me, we would just like "the other members of the group" to know that we would be absolutely delighted to continue with our friendship and hopefully we'll be able to arrange something soon without pressuring "Julie and John" into feeling uncomfortable in our company.

Ah! apologies, realise that tonight is the night. Hope all is well with you @Lostforwords7

You will usually find it is about fragile egos. They cannot function without the belief that they are important and needed.

Tracking your friends is batshit crazy. Distance yourself as a matter of urgency. And dont try to reason with them. You cant with batshit people

Anybody stalking friends through their phones is unhinged. Anybody allowing themselves to be stalked is unhinged. This sounds like a weird group of adults.
I'd run a mile from these people and make new friends.

Absolutely this! Your friends sound completely unhinged!!

I think you must be an extrovert and reliant on these people for 'entertainment'. Anyone else would have moved on.

Fuck it if you are withdrawing I would go out with a bang, I would do this on the group chat- start out explaining that you are doing so as you want to be transparent and not carry this out behind anyone's back, explain the exclusion, explain thay people have confirmed that they have been asked by the couple to exclude you and that people are nervous to even spend time with you as the couple are tracking them. Explain that you enjoy the social groups and bear no ill will to anyone even the couple however their behaviour has been bullying and draining and while you would love to stay in contact you need some space as it nas been v upsetting and not something you expect to.deal with as adults.

How do they track your iPhone without your permission? Absolutely out of order. This is not normal behaviour.

Batshit crazy. All of them. Get better friends op.

God I wouldn’t do a group post, they would love that. They’d be able to say they were right bout you all along. If I wanted to see the others (unlikely personally) I’d arrange things separately but possibly take a few photos for Facebook.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with spineless wimps tbh. Only person who I track is Ds. If an adult wanted to track me, I’d be running for the hills (untracked).

Doesnt say much for the rest of them though going along with it. Op they sound nasty. I think I would message the group!

Oh lordy, please don't send anything like this

I wouldn’t confront them. I can’t imagine confronting nutters like these ever ends well.
I’d withdraw from the group things and if you particularly like any of the group, make private arrangements with them.