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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest DD goes on the contraception

50 replies

bosyr · 09/12/2022 20:10

My DD is 16. At about 13 she told me she liked girls so I mainly focused on talking about consent not contraception. She's had relationships with girls in the past.

She became friends with a boy a few months ago, which was unusual as she had never really been friends with boys but I now know him quite well and he does seem like a nice boy. They have both become very close recently, my older DS has been in DD’s room with them both on a few occasions and he's said they both seem flirty. He also stays over whenever they go to parties.

DD is young so she could potentially be confused or she could know she's bisexual etc and they could be in a relationship but I don't want to get it wrong and then she doesn't want to tell me things

WIBU?

OP posts:
Keylimewhy · 09/12/2022 20:13

I wouldn’t suggest anything, at 16 if she wanted or needed to be on contraception she would be.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/12/2022 20:17

"if she wanted or needed to be on contraception she would be."

Ha ha ha.

twoandcooplease · 09/12/2022 20:20

Keylimewhy · 09/12/2022 20:13

I wouldn’t suggest anything, at 16 if she wanted or needed to be on contraception she would be.

Rightttttt.....

twoandcooplease · 09/12/2022 20:21

Yes op I would suggest it. And have open conversations regularly as she may not want it now but want to soon or in the future and then she will know she can come to you if/when

Justcallmebebes · 09/12/2022 22:32

Blimey Keylime, have you met many 16 year olds? Your comment is hilarious

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2022 22:52

Keylimewhy · 09/12/2022 20:13

I wouldn’t suggest anything, at 16 if she wanted or needed to be on contraception she would be.

FFS.

SilverOnToast · 10/12/2022 04:37

I knew I liked girls at 13 and am married to a woman now at 40. Still didn’t stop me sleeping with a handful of boys along the way. Talk to her about contraception.

Thelonelychicken · 10/12/2022 04:52

Rather than going on hormonal contraception. Just get her a box of condoms? Just in case the mood does take her?

LBFseBrom · 10/12/2022 05:04

I imagine that at sixteen she already knows about the need for contraception if she is planning on sexual intercourse, so does the boy. By all means talk to her about it, ask her outright if you want, but teenagers are aware of what's what.

Presumably they both have a little money, an allowance, so can buy what they need when necessary. I don't think you need to do anything except be caring and listen if your daughter wants to confide.

Sushi7 · 10/12/2022 05:29

It’s good that you discussed consent since she was a young teen. At 16, she has known for years that condoms prevent STIs and pregnancy. I wouldn’t bother discussing it at that age. Maybe have some condoms available in a cupboard and make both of your dc aware of it. They’ll cringe, but be relieved.

Original poster
bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

OP posts:
Legallypinkish · 10/12/2022 10:59

Condoms are proper contraception. They also protect against STD’s, HPV can cause cervical cancer so probably the best contraception out there.

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:05

Gwenhwyfar · 09/12/2022 20:17

"if she wanted or needed to be on contraception she would be."

Ha ha ha.

What is so funny about that first post?

Most children are fully aware of contraception options from 11/12 and how to get them. By 16 most will be responsible for their own medical choices so why does it need to be suggested by the mother?

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:06

bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

I don’t think you’re the right person to be suggesting anything in that case. Since you seem clueless about contraception yourself.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/12/2022 11:10

What is improper about condoms as contraception?!?

Not only do they fulfill the purpose of acting as contraception, they’re also the best way to guard against sexually transmitted diseases - what the hell have you defined as ‘proper contraception’ that is offering MORE than that?!?

Dotcheck · 10/12/2022 11:10

Buy condoms. Or are you more worried about pregnancy than STIs?
You know that ‘ proper contraception’ takes time to work, and can really mess with their hormones?

Bananalanacake · 10/12/2022 11:11

By 'proper contraception' do you mean the pill? That's fine but it doesn't protect against STDs.

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:13

Justcallmebebes · 09/12/2022 22:32

Blimey Keylime, have you met many 16 year olds? Your comment is hilarious

Curious, at 16 did you need mummy to hold your hand and take you to the doctors to get the pill?

The infantilisation of 16 year olds on here is staggering

christmastime11 · 10/12/2022 11:14

bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

I think condoms are the best idea. You can't force a girl to go onto hormonal contraceptives as they have their own risks that she should consider. There is nothing 'improper' about condoms- the pill can be extremely unreliable.

christmastime11 · 10/12/2022 11:16

Agree @Claireintheclouds. I'd have died at 16 if my parent tried to sort out my pill for me. It's so easily accessible there's no need for parental involvement.

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:19

christmastime11 · 10/12/2022 11:16

Agree @Claireintheclouds. I'd have died at 16 if my parent tried to sort out my pill for me. It's so easily accessible there's no need for parental involvement.

Yeah it’s odd to think grown women are of the opinion you need to suggest anything to a 16 year old about contraception, as if it’s not something they’ll be aware of.

I was sorting my own pill out from 13! Parents never needed to suggest anything

and that’s aside from the very tricky point about the DD in this case having told her mother she was interested in girls. So any suggestion of contraception because she has a friendship with a boy could be damaging on that level too if getting the wrong end of the stick.

titchy · 10/12/2022 11:35

Yeah 16 year olds are well known for their ability to plan ahead, not act impulsively and never ever have unwanted pregnancies through unplanned sex.

Oh wait....

2pinkginsplease · 10/12/2022 11:40

bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

Condoms are proper contraception which we have Used successfully for the last 20 years apart from a break to have our children. I’d also encourage any sexually active young person to use condoms as it’s a barrier method protecting agains STD/STI’s.

I would talk about contraception with our children and discuss pros and cons of each but I would suggest they used a certain one.

TumbleFryer · 10/12/2022 11:42

Keylimewhy · 09/12/2022 20:13

I wouldn’t suggest anything, at 16 if she wanted or needed to be on contraception she would be.

Terrible advice.

Onnabugeisha · 10/12/2022 11:44

First, I would have a clarifying discussion as to whether she is lesbian or bisexual as it can take years to figure it out. If she says she is attracted to this boy and sex might be in the future, only then is it worth gently suggesting contraception and whether she’d like you to facilitate that.

If she’s lesbian and he’s a friend, it would be homophobic to suggest contraception out the gate.

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