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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest DD goes on the contraception

50 replies

bosyr · 09/12/2022 20:10

My DD is 16. At about 13 she told me she liked girls so I mainly focused on talking about consent not contraception. She's had relationships with girls in the past.

She became friends with a boy a few months ago, which was unusual as she had never really been friends with boys but I now know him quite well and he does seem like a nice boy. They have both become very close recently, my older DS has been in DD’s room with them both on a few occasions and he's said they both seem flirty. He also stays over whenever they go to parties.

DD is young so she could potentially be confused or she could know she's bisexual etc and they could be in a relationship but I don't want to get it wrong and then she doesn't want to tell me things

WIBU?

OP posts:
Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:46

titchy · 10/12/2022 11:35

Yeah 16 year olds are well known for their ability to plan ahead, not act impulsively and never ever have unwanted pregnancies through unplanned sex.

Oh wait....

None of that changes the fact most 16 year olds don’t need to be suggested contraception.

I had plenty of unplanned sex at that age, but was on the pill, didn’t need it to be suggested bt anyone as I’d wager 99.99% of 16 year olds know about contraception choices.

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2022 11:49

I was very switched on teen. Still didn't stop me needing to go for morning after pill twice when condoms broke. It was then the Dr talked me through the pill. There is no way I would have gone to ask for the pill. I only went for mop as I really didnt want to get pregnant.

So no 16 yr olds can be bad at organising contraception through sheer embarrassment.

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:51

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2022 11:49

I was very switched on teen. Still didn't stop me needing to go for morning after pill twice when condoms broke. It was then the Dr talked me through the pill. There is no way I would have gone to ask for the pill. I only went for mop as I really didnt want to get pregnant.

So no 16 yr olds can be bad at organising contraception through sheer embarrassment.

Can’t have been that switched on

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2022 11:53

I'd have a discussion around all forms of contraceptives. The injection or implant may suit better as don't have to worry about taking a pill everyday. I'd also discuss condoms and safe sex as a gay women.

BatshitBanshee · 10/12/2022 11:54

More harm in doing nothing than doing something.

But I would suggest that you talk through the various options with DD and the pros and cons of each. I'd also stress that it's fine if she's interested in boys now too but just to be safe about it.

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2022 11:56

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 11:46

None of that changes the fact most 16 year olds don’t need to be suggested contraception.

I had plenty of unplanned sex at that age, but was on the pill, didn’t need it to be suggested bt anyone as I’d wager 99.99% of 16 year olds know about contraception choices.

Show quote history

And your attitude is why the UK has one of highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 12:03

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2022 11:56

And your attitude is why the UK has one of highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe

Show quote history

oh more nuggets of wisdom.

By total number of pregnancies we are third, but then again, if you weren’t already aware we also have a lot more people living in this country compared to most European countries. On a per capita basis we are not in the top countries in Europe for teen pregnancy.

Again please tell me how switched on you are Confused

Oysterbabe · 10/12/2022 12:07

I would just have a conversation with her about it. Ask her if she would like to go on the pill. Offer to go with her to the doctor.

Kissmybaubles · 10/12/2022 12:09

Thelonelychicken · 10/12/2022 04:52

Rather than going on hormonal contraception. Just get her a box of condoms? Just in case the mood does take her?

Condoms are good for protecting against STIs but wouldn’t rely on them alone to protect against pregnancy, they can break especially if not being used properly by inexperienced teens… Hormonal contraceptives are best tbh… Also have a conversation with your daughter OP, it’s good if she can talk openly with you about things like this

Manasprey · 10/12/2022 12:29

I didn't go on the pill when I was 16, because I was scared of putting weight on. Used condoms instead.

It took a pregnancy scare to get me on it. Turns out was much more scared of getting pregnant than getting fat.

mam0918 · 10/12/2022 12:51

bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

I'm middle aged and virtually never used anything bar condoms.

I tried hormonal contraception and it was horrific, I had a constant period that would not end (months until I finally quit) and my sexual hormones tanked and I also was forced as a teen to try non hormonal coil and it was traumatic, they sliced my cervix trying to get it in.

Neither of them are better than condoms, I known people get pregnant on the coil (traumatic as theres a high chance of loss in trying to remove it regardless of your 'views' or 'choice' to want to keep it) and I would say pretty much half the people I know claim to have got pregnant on the pill or similar hormonal contraceptives.

KimberleyClark · 10/12/2022 12:57

Mumsnet is so contradictory sometimes. On another thread a mum is being told to get a grip because she is annoyed and disappointed with her teen for forgetting to take a secret Santa gift and gift for homeless child to school, because teenagers are forgetful and self absorbed and their brains haven’t developed fully. While here teens are apparently mature and responsible enough to sort out their own contraception if needed!

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 13:11

KimberleyClark · 10/12/2022 12:57

Mumsnet is so contradictory sometimes. On another thread a mum is being told to get a grip because she is annoyed and disappointed with her teen for forgetting to take a secret Santa gift and gift for homeless child to school, because teenagers are forgetful and self absorbed and their brains haven’t developed fully. While here teens are apparently mature and responsible enough to sort out their own contraception if needed!

Unless parents put the pill in their child’s hand or rush in with a condom during foreplay teens being forgetful would still be an issue.

They are mature enough to sort out their own contraception.

gogohmm · 10/12/2022 13:12

I'm a strong advocate of putting condoms in the bathroom cabinet, saves embarrassment

Onnabugeisha · 10/12/2022 13:28

gogohmm · 10/12/2022 13:12

I'm a strong advocate of putting condoms in the bathroom cabinet, saves embarrassment

Just make sure your DH/DP knows beforehand otherwise he/she will think you’re having hot tea breaks with the postie.

Sushi7 · 10/12/2022 13:31

bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

You need a sex ed class if you don’t think condoms are ‘proper’ contraception. Condoms are more reliable than the pill. Your Dd may forget to take it and then she’s not protected from pregnancy. The pill also doesn’t protect you from STIs. The pill caused me loads of horrible side effects (I tried different kinds).

Let both your dc know there’s condoms in the cupboard and leave it at that.

DepIndoChridmadWidMe · 10/12/2022 13:34

bosyr · 10/12/2022 10:54

I don't want to buy just condoms in case they don't use them and i’d rather she be on proper contraception but I'm not sure if that's unreasonable

Are you for real? Hmm

Original poster
bosyr · 10/12/2022 13:47

I'm not clueless about contraception Confused. Yes, comdoms are contraception and I would like DD to use them if she's having sex with this boy (or any boy) to prevent STI's but they may forget to use them as teens are forgetful which is why I’d prefer her to have hormonal contraception ie the pill or the implant.

I don't think i’d be able to just put condoms in the bathroom as DS is an adult so he doesn't need me to buy them for him, and my youngest DS is only 12 so I wouldn't be able to tell DD it's for all of them.

I don't think DD would think it's homophobic if he is just a friend, I've been supportive in the past of her girlfriends but I'm not sure he's a friend and even if he is, they could still be having sex to experiment as teens do especially as when he stays here he's drunk most of the time as they've been to various parties.

OP posts:
Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 13:53

bosyr · 10/12/2022 13:47

I'm not clueless about contraception Confused. Yes, comdoms are contraception and I would like DD to use them if she's having sex with this boy (or any boy) to prevent STI's but they may forget to use them as teens are forgetful which is why I’d prefer her to have hormonal contraception ie the pill or the implant.

I don't think i’d be able to just put condoms in the bathroom as DS is an adult so he doesn't need me to buy them for him, and my youngest DS is only 12 so I wouldn't be able to tell DD it's for all of them.

I don't think DD would think it's homophobic if he is just a friend, I've been supportive in the past of her girlfriends but I'm not sure he's a friend and even if he is, they could still be having sex to experiment as teens do especially as when he stays here he's drunk most of the time as they've been to various parties.

Why couldn’t you get condoms for the bathroom due to your younger DS?

If anything a younger boy in the home would be more of a reason to start having condoms more readily available for all your children in case they’re caught short.

If you’re worried about her being forgetful the pill would be just as bad. And the implant isn’t suitable for all.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/12/2022 15:04

I was sorting my own pill out from 13!

God, that’s depressing.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 10/12/2022 15:10

@Claireintheclouds
if you were on the pill when you were thirteen, whoever you were having penetrative sex with was breaking the law. Even if it was another child, you were obviously not being cared for by those whose responsibility it was.

it’s quite sad that you want the OP to be as careless and reckless as your guardians were.

Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 15:12

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 10/12/2022 15:10

@Claireintheclouds
if you were on the pill when you were thirteen, whoever you were having penetrative sex with was breaking the law. Even if it was another child, you were obviously not being cared for by those whose responsibility it was.

it’s quite sad that you want the OP to be as careless and reckless as your guardians were.

Who said anything about sex at 13?

I went on the pill just in case, had my first boyfriend and took the decision to be safe.

weird you think that’s abnormal tbh

Original poster
bosyr · 10/12/2022 15:14

Why couldn’t you get condoms for the bathroom due to your younger DS?
**
If anything a younger boy in the home would be more of a reason to start having condoms more readily available for all your children in case they’re caught short.

He's only 12, just because he's a boy doesn't mean he's having sex yet. He's still very immature for his age and certainly isn't ready for sex or a proper relationship yet.

OP posts:
Claireintheclouds · 10/12/2022 15:15

bosyr · 10/12/2022 15:14

Why couldn’t you get condoms for the bathroom due to your younger DS?
**
If anything a younger boy in the home would be more of a reason to start having condoms more readily available for all your children in case they’re caught short.

He's only 12, just because he's a boy doesn't mean he's having sex yet. He's still very immature for his age and certainly isn't ready for sex or a proper relationship yet.

But your DD is, unless you think having condoms at home means he will start having sex?

Original poster
bosyr · 10/12/2022 18:23

No I didn't mean that. I said I don't think I’d be able to just tell DD and DS theyre for everyone as DS is an adult so I don't need to buy for him and I didn't do done it when older DD and DS were teens.

OP posts:
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