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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Early signs of ASD - Can any parents help please?

40 replies

TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 14:12

My DS is 3 and a summer born.

He's currently at nursery and doing well. He's exceptionally bright. He recognised numbers before the age of 1. He knows numbers into the hundreds of thousands, he knows most of his times tables up to 12 in rote fashion, he has a grasp of fractions, knows decimal numbers and can do relatively simple adding/subtraction sums. 100 + 200 = for example. He identifies patterns in numbers pretty quickly and has a very deep, keen interest in anything to do with numbers. He's also taught himself to count in various foreign languages through watching you tube videos. This also extends to languages with different alphabets. He's beginning to tell the time with o'clock and half past times.

He can also ready pretty fluently. He was reading at 2. He reads picture books such as the gruffalo with very little help. I taught him phonics from a young age as he took a genuine interest so this is less surprising. Comprehension is there too - he knows what he's reading, reads with expression in his voice and can predict what happens next etc. He also writes simples sentences with words spelt phonetically. He can write his full name (has been doing since very young) and other familiar names/words like Mummy, Daddy etc.

His memory is really sharp. He can recall events that happened months prior, he has memorised mine and my DH's phone numbers, he knows our full address. If he interacts with someone he hasn't seen in months, he will make reference to things that they did last time they saw each other.

He's such a bright, happy child. He's funny, he tells jokes and plays pretend, I'd say a 'normal' (although I hate to use that word) child. We will role play drs and vets, he enjoys construction toys and we build Duplo and Lego together. He enjoys singing and dancing, he plays football and swims. He's my only child and so I have nothing else to base off of but he doesn't give us any problems at all. He took to potty training immediately, we're not very strict with routine for naps and such anymore and he's always been very flexible - well, as much as toddlers can be. He's very well behaved and his teachers say he's a pleasure. They also say they've never taught a child like him with regards to his abilities.

Here's where my concerns come in. He's the youngest in his year group. The nursery haven't expressed any outright concerns re. his development to us but they have said that he prefers to play alone or with the adult staff. He has friends and does engage with them, he says hello, makes eye contact and joins in if he feels like it but he's noticeably less chatty with his peers than he is with other adults. He will chew your ear off if you're an adult and in a room full of children he gravitates to older children. I put a lot of this down to him being a lockdown child and socialising much less than what would have been typical in the years previous but without having anything to 'compare with' if you will, I don't really know how much of this is usual.

I don't know, does this ring any bells for anyone with their experience of ASD? If it is the case and DS does have additional needs, I want to ensure he has access to full support. My family and friends all insist he's just extremely clever but I sometimes have doubts. If he wasn't able to do the things he can do academically, I don't think I'd have ever thought twice about it but it's the number obsession particularly that causes me concern.

Are there any warning signs I should look out for as he grows? Thanks

OP posts:
TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 14:21

A couple of other things to add. He air writes with his fingers. I'd say every day to every other day. For example if he sees a long number he might write it in the air with his fingers or if he's asked to spell a word he'll write the letters in the air as he goes sometimes.

He's tuned in to other peoples emotions. He understands if someone is sad and he will give them a cuddle. He'll say things like 'I'm feeling happy today' or will tell me if he's excited for something or if he had a good time doing an activity.

OP posts:
SusiePevensie · 09/12/2022 14:23

He sounds great. Get him some cuisinare rods and take a look at nrich.

Loics · 09/12/2022 14:26

From what you've said, I wouldn't be concerned about autism (I'm autistic as is one of my toddlers).
However, that's only going on what you've written, if you are concerned you know him best, mention it to your health visitor and they can help figure out if he should be put on the waiting list for an assessment.

Longlongtime · 09/12/2022 14:28

I wouldn’t say so based on that although he is still very young.

TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 14:36

Loics · 09/12/2022 14:26

From what you've said, I wouldn't be concerned about autism (I'm autistic as is one of my toddlers).
However, that's only going on what you've written, if you are concerned you know him best, mention it to your health visitor and they can help figure out if he should be put on the waiting list for an assessment.

Thank you.

I don't live in the U.K. and we don't have HV and typically any intervention in school is pushed for by the parents so I just want to keep an eye on things and make sure he doesn't slip under the radar. I haven't brought up ASD with any of his teachers as I want them to be the first to say it, if that makes sense.

Sometimes I think it could be a possibility and then some days I don't. It's so hard as he's my only child so everything is new to me. I don't have another child to draw comparisons with based on what's typical for his age.

OP posts:
OldWivesTale · 09/12/2022 14:37

I think the exceptionally bright, recognises number patterns etc can be a trait at this age. The making eye contact stuff is not relevant; many people with asd are able to make eye contact and are very empathetic. I think if the nursery have raised it then there are probably signs. As a teacher, I can see asd in children very quickly but it's harder to see it in your own children. So I would follow their advice because it sounds like they're on the ball.

Ivyy · 09/12/2022 15:21

I'm not sure they can make a diagnosis that young, not unless there are developmental delays or learning disability. That's what we were told when dd was 4, it was apparently very young to be able to make an accurate diagnosis if we had an asd assessment. We decided to go ahead though as she was really struggling with anxiety, sleep and friendships even at such a young age. She was also good at masking at school, and girls present differently to boys with asd.
In the end the assessment report said that because of her young age, she came out as borderline and the Drs took the watch and wait approach. They felt she might grow out of certain behaviour / traits, and tbh I hoped she would so that she didn't struggle with certain things so much. Anyway fast forward to the age of 9 and things had gradually got harder over those few years. She was then re-assessed and very strongly and clearly picked up as having asd, then.
I'd wait and watch op and keep note of any concerns you have. I think starting school and going forward through year R would show any concerns coming up from teachers. He's obviously very advanced for his age, but they don't use the terms high functioning or Asperger's anymore with autism diagnoses, just asd or asc, It doesn't sound like he has any problems with behaviour, meltdowns, socially, sensory processing etc. I'd say school will make any concerns become clearer.

TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 19:37

OldWivesTale · 09/12/2022 14:37

I think the exceptionally bright, recognises number patterns etc can be a trait at this age. The making eye contact stuff is not relevant; many people with asd are able to make eye contact and are very empathetic. I think if the nursery have raised it then there are probably signs. As a teacher, I can see asd in children very quickly but it's harder to see it in your own children. So I would follow their advice because it sounds like they're on the ball.

Thank you. His nursery haven't really raised anything of concern with us. They've said he's currently working towards the expected level for his age group with regards to PSED but with him being one of the youngest in his group that it might just take him a little longer to reach these milestones. He typically plays independently or alongside other children, less so collaboratively but he does occasionally. He does seem to enjoy the company of other children though and he talks positively about his friends and he gets excited to meet up with children he knows. It's hard to know if he's perhaps a bit shy or he's still a bit young.

OP posts:
TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 19:44

Ivyy · 09/12/2022 15:21

I'm not sure they can make a diagnosis that young, not unless there are developmental delays or learning disability. That's what we were told when dd was 4, it was apparently very young to be able to make an accurate diagnosis if we had an asd assessment. We decided to go ahead though as she was really struggling with anxiety, sleep and friendships even at such a young age. She was also good at masking at school, and girls present differently to boys with asd.
In the end the assessment report said that because of her young age, she came out as borderline and the Drs took the watch and wait approach. They felt she might grow out of certain behaviour / traits, and tbh I hoped she would so that she didn't struggle with certain things so much. Anyway fast forward to the age of 9 and things had gradually got harder over those few years. She was then re-assessed and very strongly and clearly picked up as having asd, then.
I'd wait and watch op and keep note of any concerns you have. I think starting school and going forward through year R would show any concerns coming up from teachers. He's obviously very advanced for his age, but they don't use the terms high functioning or Asperger's anymore with autism diagnoses, just asd or asc, It doesn't sound like he has any problems with behaviour, meltdowns, socially, sensory processing etc. I'd say school will make any concerns become clearer.

Thank you for this. I've read a number of posts on here where parents say that gradually over time the gap widens between their child and their peers in certain respects and it slowly becomes more obvious as they move up the school ages. I guess my fear is that he may be overlooked as he appears to be doing well but of course that might change as he gets older. I hope your DD is now receiving any support that she needs.

OP posts:
Wednesdayonline · 09/12/2022 19:48

He sounds exceptionally bright, I'd imagine he finds children his own age a bit boring if they are quite considerably less clever than him. From reading your post that seems the most likely thing in relation to him enjoying the company of older children or adults more. But of course this is from a tiny snippet of your life that you have posted and you will know him best.

Notcopingwithmum · 09/12/2022 19:48

I would say the playing alone thing & wanting to talk to adults is a sign of asd although if he can draw & write his fine motor skills are obviously ok. It's hard to tell at that age. I had no idea my firstborn had asd until his nursery teacher raised concerns. If they have not mentioned anything I would just wait & see. The numbers obsession could be another sign.

tiredandstripey · 09/12/2022 19:51

This sounds quite similar to my daughter who is 3 and can read. She is autistic. She’s very bright and her language has been assessed as at the 97th centile. She can read fluently. The other day she said to me “mummy the word knife is said with a n sound even though it starts with a k. The k is silent”. She’s 3! She prefers to talk to adults than other kids and finds them overwhelming although she will interact with them.

however we got a diagnosis because she had initially had some other developmental delays in gross motor and some sensory issues so we were referred and into the system very early. Usually the very bright and able autistic kids don’t get diagnosed until later on in childhood, it tends to be kids with severe speech delays or more obvious social difficulties. However jt absolutely is possible for kids this young and this bright to get a diagnosis. To the trained eye, the autistic traits will be easy to spot. So i would take him for an assessment and see what happens. Either way he sounds like a lovely little boy.

Burgoo · 09/12/2022 19:51

Not particularly concerned based on what you have said. As long as it isn't impacting his learning and he seems happy and content I wouldn't worry all that much. This is one of those stages in development where ANYTHING can look concerning.

TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 20:02

tiredandstripey · 09/12/2022 19:51

This sounds quite similar to my daughter who is 3 and can read. She is autistic. She’s very bright and her language has been assessed as at the 97th centile. She can read fluently. The other day she said to me “mummy the word knife is said with a n sound even though it starts with a k. The k is silent”. She’s 3! She prefers to talk to adults than other kids and finds them overwhelming although she will interact with them.

however we got a diagnosis because she had initially had some other developmental delays in gross motor and some sensory issues so we were referred and into the system very early. Usually the very bright and able autistic kids don’t get diagnosed until later on in childhood, it tends to be kids with severe speech delays or more obvious social difficulties. However jt absolutely is possible for kids this young and this bright to get a diagnosis. To the trained eye, the autistic traits will be easy to spot. So i would take him for an assessment and see what happens. Either way he sounds like a lovely little boy.

Your daughter sounds great. This sounds exactly like something my DS would say. He's very articulate too.

OP posts:
TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 20:08

Burgoo · 09/12/2022 19:51

Not particularly concerned based on what you have said. As long as it isn't impacting his learning and he seems happy and content I wouldn't worry all that much. This is one of those stages in development where ANYTHING can look concerning.

Thank you. This is the thing, he seems to be a very happy little boy. He loves going to nursery and doing all of the typical things 3 year olds do. One of his latest games is he likes to pretend he's a magician and turn me into various animals and such. He's got such a great sense of humour too. The number obsession just throws me. He points out numbers wherever we go.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 09/12/2022 20:10

He sounds like a very bright, quite independent little guy. Why ASD?

mynameiscalypso · 09/12/2022 20:11

I recognise some of what you say in my DS, also a summer born three year old albeit my DS is not very articulate. He has a similar obsession with numbers though and is way ahead of his peers. He also tends to prefer adults to children and doesn't really engage with his friends at nursery much. The nursery haven't raised it as a concern so much as wanting to support his development from a social perspective. He's just quite quiet and self-contained though and is much happier sitting in the corner doing some maths than anything else really. I'm trying to get the balance right between accepting who he is and making sure that he's confident enough.

Itisbetter · 09/12/2022 20:16

I’m not sure what your concern really is? If he was autistic what support do you imagine he would need if he is socially comfortable and academically able, and happy?

Capturetotalelotion · 09/12/2022 20:18

My DS is academically gifted and has a great sense of humour. He was diagnosed with ASD aged 8. The big signs that I ignored were food issues, toiletting and sensory issues related to wearing clothes. I was told I was paranoid, a bad parent etc until it was very clear that he had significant issues that he had been using his intelligence to mask. Your DS may just be gifted but if you are unsure, discuss your concerns with your paediatrician and ask for an assessment. We didn’t live in the UK when my kid was little and his autism was missed.

JennyForeigner · 09/12/2022 20:20

A lot of this chimes with our also summer born 3 year old, although he isn't as numerically advanced to the same extent. He does have complete focus on his interests though, currently exclusively (for some reason) penguins. He identifies as a penguin, because he likes all skeletal and circulatory systems, and theirs is the most interesting.

We were told by his excellent pre-school three weeks after he started in September that they think he should be assessed. It was a shock. It never occurred to us, because he is our first, and so verbal and yes, very into adults, but he was raised in a then adults only home and we had no comparative experience.

After a few months of being taken slightly aback we do see it - partly because we now have other children. He's not changing rapidly, and I have a sense and a hope that the version we have now is fairly fully-formed in terms of how he will relate to people through his life.

Your son sounds lovely and full of charm and he will thrive, especially if you are open to any suggestions for support that are available to you.

gaf · 09/12/2022 20:21

My autistic children make eye contact.

It’s possible based on your description that he is autistic, it’s often a two year waiting list so if you are concerned just be aware the process can take a really long time.

custardbourbon · 09/12/2022 20:24

Hi OP,

In my experience the nursery setting may or may not be good at picking these things up.

Our son went to a private nursery where they felt he was a little behind in his speech but still within what was expected for his age. He then moved to a maintained nursery aged 3 where they spotted it instantly (though didn't tell us until they'd observed him for a full term as was their practice).

I also remember writing a post similar to this when my son was 2 as he loved numbers and letters, could count to 200 etc. knew his alphabet etc. but his speech more generally was delayed.

At age 3.5 years we received his ASD diagnosis. He is now 4.5 years and in a mainstream school and loving learning.

His diagnosis hasn't led to much support unfortunately just lots of meetings about what he may need, but nothing yet actually implemented! Which is frustrating, and I think because he appears to be happy and doing well, it doesn't feel pressing to others.

gaf · 09/12/2022 20:26

Our nursery and pre school didn’t pick up anything.

Even though when I look back now the signs were there, like not being able to move on from a task.

TigerTea3 · 09/12/2022 20:38

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/12/2022 20:10

He sounds like a very bright, quite independent little guy. Why ASD?

Do you mean what points me to wondering if it could be ASD?

  • the obsession with numbers to the extent that some days he'd happily play with nothing else
  • his nursery saying he's a little behind socially and prefers to play solo
  • he writes numbers and letters in the air with his fingers occasionally

I mean, I see it's not much to go on hence why it's helpful to hear the thoughts of those who have experience with ASD.

OP posts:
gaf · 09/12/2022 20:40

Just to add my children also don’t have a learning disability or developmental delay. Infact one of my DC was early in all milestones, talked in full sentences before the age of 2 and had memorised all the car names and badges. We used to go round the supermarket and he used to point out all the numbers in the aisles whilst sitting in the trolley as a toddler.

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