To cancel Christmas?

[shouldntbeonhereagain]

Can’t even deal with writing a to do list. Have 4 kids between 9 and 3, 2 cats, an ancient labrador and just last week taken on a rescue puppy. My father dumped his grumpy dog on us for the weekend.My Mum is house hunting, and has no permanent address.She redirects post here, and constantly turns up to stay, but we have no spare room. I wouldn’t mind if she actually helped ! All she does is leave her car parked outside for months on end and then demands lifts to the train station and all her suitcases etc in my daughter’s room. I asked her to take the car and she said ‘she didn’t ask much of us’ and ‘families help each other’ I have to do all father christmas/cards/presents/village and scjool nativities plus bands /choirs/dance shows school and village fairs …Ahhh! Is it just me not feeling the Christmas spirit?

I think you'd help yourself enourmously by being more assertive and learning the word NO. Most of the things you mention in your post appear to me to be an issue due to lack of putting in place boundaries.

I understand how you feel but no you can’t cancel Christmas for your kids You need to look at what you can manage.
Where is the rescue puppy from? You really shouldn’t have done that. You should have said to your Dad’s dog.
Tell your Mum that she can’t stage. Why is her car an issue? surely you don’t need to do anything with it. Can your Mum’s stuff in her car.
Don’t do cards.

Write down everything you normal do and pick out the most important.

Put the suitcases in the car and drive it somewhere else.

I detest clutter. The suitcases would be in thh HR e loft by now.

*no

• stay FFS I’m giving up typing for the rest of the day.

It’s not your DC’s fault you’ve letting yourself be taken advantage of by your parents. They must be suffering too and they can’t do anything about it!

Your mum is an adult and needs to get her crap out of your house, her car off your property, arrange her own lifts and stop taking the piss. Your dad shouldn’t have left his dog with you but you should have stopped him. If he literally left it on your door step you should have called the RSPCA. If he asked you should have said no.

Stop wasting so much energy and time on your useless selfish adult parents and focus on your children. They deserve the best Christmas you can give them.

I’m one of 4, if you have that many kids life will be busy, expensive and tiring but ditch the other drains on your resources and you’ll find it easier.

YABU - you allow your parents to derail your life at huge cost to your own children. Grow a spine and be a parent not a child.

And seriously, wtf were you doing taking on a puppy when you’re already so stretched. Be realistic about what you can handle and stop taking on people, animals and activities that make life harder.

Yeah, cancel Xmas.
Choose to have 4 kids then at peak annual excitement time (old enough be aware, young enough to believe) screw them over because you choose to have a puppy and can’t ignore your mother.
Sounds like a plan 🙄

Write the to-do list. Simply don’t write down anything that isn’t for the kids. Ignore the rest.

I do get that some people need therapy to get a spine with parents…

But why on earth have you just got yourself a puppy? 🙄

I’ll mirror other posters, you’d help yourself an enormous amount if you learnt the art of saying no. You need to be more assertive and also not sure why you took on another dog when you already have three pets and four DC to contend with.

Your poor children! They are having to deal with all this chaos too and now you want to take Christmas from them as well? They've done nothing wrong!

You need to grow a spine and protect them. Stop taking on more animals you don't have room or time for. Tell your parents to piss off. Focus on your children.

Sounds like you have your hands full. I think you need to go nuclear on your parents and tell them both to royally fuck off.
I get that thats easier said then done though. Your mother can store her suitcases and boxes in her car. Your DD needs her space

You’ve chosen to have 4 children, so you never really wanted a quiet life.

Prioritise them. Tell your mother she can’t stay. Tell you father to make his own arrangements for dog sitters. Don’t take on a rescue puppy (isn’t this obvious?!) Take anything off your to do
list that isn’t for the kids.

Learn to embrace the inevitable drama, and don’t allow any of the other stuff in to overwhelm you.

Tell your dad he has until Monday to get his dog or you're putting him in a rescue centre (the dog not your dad)
Put the suitcases in the car, and put the car somewhere out of your way.
Tell your Mum she can't stay
No more lifts

Enjoy a small Xmas with your dc and YOUR dogs

I've had chrstmasses which have burnt me out. Rushing around visiting, plays, cooking, shopping etc. Drip drip effect!

Sounds like you're panicking and have conflated several issues.

Yup sorry you're gping to have to step up. At least make a list and think of ways to reduce the burden.

That's Chrosrmas sorted. Then post again on mumsnet re your mum, new puppy, your stress levels etc.

Maybe you need some tlc to make you feel more in control, or ask yourself if you're always so busy and stressed os there something you're compensating for?

Op are you a single parent?

You sound like an absolute mug! Why do you let all these people take advantage of you?

No is a complete sentence. Should have been said several times.

Why in god’s name did you bring a rescue puppy in to the mix????? Utter madness, needier than a new born baby. Excellent suggestion from poster above to put the suitcases in the car. Get the older children to help you with the Christmas prep - sorting the decorations out, writing cards, delivering cards within walking distance. That occupies them, makes them feel grown up and helps you. My mother constantly threatened to cancel Christmas when overwhelmed and whilst we siblings laugh about it now it was HORRIBLE. The kids will notice. It’s not fair

Must admit I agree with pp. You've chosen a very busy home life, it's up to you as an adult to organise it, sorry. Deep breath, drink of baileys, and start making lists.

You can’t cancel Christmas because you got a puppy and can’t say no to your parents, none of it is your kids fault. You’ve had 4 kids and various pets, you’ve planned a very busy life and made it busier on purpose with a puppy right before Christmas. Try and get yourself a lazy Sunday or something to rest and reset and then embrace it! They aren’t small for long.

Get online shopping and talk to your parents about how stressed you are! Ask your mum to organise her clutter before christmas and tell dad he needs to make a plan to have his dog back. Don't worry about the roast dinner, children those ages will be happy with chocolate, christmas telly and a present under the tree. No need to cancel christmas.x

YANBU to feel fed up, and put upon, and to dial back on lots of things eg Christmas cards.
YABU if you cancel Christmas for 4 children under 10. That’s obvious though. Why have 4 kids if you don’t love chaos?

I sympathise with the fact that you're overwhelmed, but also feel as though a lot of your problems would be solved if you learned how to say no.

You didn't need to get a rescue puppy or say yes to having your dad's dog to say. You don't need to have your mum over, nor do you need to act as a storage area for all her stuff.

You also don't need to say yes to all that school or Christmas stuff - it's not compulsory.

Say no to the puppy.

Say no to looking after your dad’s dog.

Say no to your mum coming round.

Say no to your mum using your house as storage. She needs to rent out a storage unit and also rent temp accommodation whilst she’s house hunting!

You need to be assertive or else everyone will continue to walk all over you. Interesting that you want to cancel Christmas for your dc, but you can’t say no to your parents and take on more pets that you can’t cope with.