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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is DH or DD being unreasonable

41 replies

Safarigiraffe · 09/12/2022 13:30

Today is DD19 birthday recently she passed her driving test and husband bought her a car however DD gave all her maintenance loan towards the cost of the car.
DH told DD last night that car was her birthday present but would give her £50 birthday money - I think he should give her slightly more only because DD did give towards car her maintenance loan so who is being unreasonable here? DD is upset cos she’s saying she gave all her maintenance’s loan towards car

OP posts:
leithreas · 09/12/2022 13:32

For me it would depend how much of the car expenses her maintenance loan covered and how much your dh covered? As an aside though once I was an adult my parents would give me about 50 for a birthday without a car in the mix at all. So I do think that your dd is being a bit of a diva, how much does she expect as a gift?

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 09/12/2022 13:33

leithreas · 09/12/2022 13:32

For me it would depend how much of the car expenses her maintenance loan covered and how much your dh covered? As an aside though once I was an adult my parents would give me about 50 for a birthday without a car in the mix at all. So I do think that your dd is being a bit of a diva, how much does she expect as a gift?

Came on here to say much the same

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/12/2022 13:33

How much was the car? How much is the maintenance loan?

xmasx · 09/12/2022 13:36
  1. How much did the car cost? £10,000 car that she paid £5000 towards? No, she doesn't get to be upset. £5000 car she put £4999 then obviously he's being a bit tight.
  2. What is she going to live on now? Will she live in the car? If you and DH are supporting her because she spent her ML on a car then that's her birthday present spread through the year.
  3. What did you get her? You don't really get to tell another adult to give a different adult a bigger/better gift.
MichelleScarn · 09/12/2022 13:36

So she got £50 AND money towards a car for her birthday and is still moaning? You say money and other money is from DH. What did you give?

Keyansier · 09/12/2022 13:38

Your daughter got £50 and is complaining and whining? And you're questioning this? Confused You say DH gave her £59, what did you give her?

Keyansier · 09/12/2022 13:38

£50*

McBurgerTime · 09/12/2022 13:39

He didn't give her a car for her birthday. He contributed to a car. Which is fine but don't go around saying you gave her a car.

50 pounds is plenty for a present though

sheepdogdelight · 09/12/2022 13:39

How is she covering her day to day expenditure if she's spent all her maintenance loan on the car?

xogossipgirlxo · 09/12/2022 13:40

DD seems bit unreasonable. It's nice she will still get 50 quid, despite getting a car (yes yes, I know she put maintenance loan, but I bet dad didn't put 2 quid and she had to pay 3 grand?)

NerrSnerr · 09/12/2022 13:41

How much was the car and was she involved in the purchase of the car did her dad just decide to get it for her and that she had to contribute her loan.

What is she living off?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2022 13:42

If she gave all her maintenance loan to pay for the car, what is she living off instead?

How much did she and Dad respectively towards the car?

How much does he normally give her?

Her 1000, Dad 10, normally gives her £200 for birthday - she might have a point

Her 1000, Dad 1000, normally gives her £200 for birthday - she's being a brat.

Afterfire · 09/12/2022 13:47

Spending her maintenance grant on a car seems a bit 😳😳😳😳 to me. What is she going to live off of?!

I find it odd that you’ve worded it that your dh purchased the car when your dd has - unless your dh has put a lot more into it than she has? If that’s the case surely that’s an expensive car! Is that really necessary for a student?

(I have a dd also aged 19 in her second year at university).

Dishwashersaurous · 09/12/2022 14:35
  1. £50 is a perfectly reasonable amount of money for a birthday present for an adult.
  1. The maintenance loan is to live on, what is she going to use to live on?
  1. Did she really need an expensive car as a student?
beAsensible1 · 09/12/2022 14:49

Am I missing something here? He didnt give or buy her a car? he gave her some money towards a car which is absolutely not the same thing.

Why would you "give" her a gift that she has had to spend a months worth of living money towards, what's she supposed to live off?

£50 is reasonable present in general, but it seems the poor thing is desperately worried about money

When I was given a car for my birthday, it didnt cost me anything, maybe she wasn't expecting to have t contribute and has been caught a bit short.

As a isolated incident sure she's being unreasonable, but a she's spent all her living money seems like she's just worried.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 09/12/2022 15:02

I think you've handled this badly. You didn't tell DD that the money towards the car was her birthday present until the day before her birthday and well after the car was paid for. If she normally gets a few hundred pound for her birthday, she might have been relying on that money so she has something to spend over Christmas. £50 is perfectly reasonable for an adult's birthday, but she is most likely upset that you've moved the goalposts rather than the actual amount.

PickyTea · 09/12/2022 15:04

beAsensible1 · 09/12/2022 14:49

Am I missing something here? He didnt give or buy her a car? he gave her some money towards a car which is absolutely not the same thing.

Why would you "give" her a gift that she has had to spend a months worth of living money towards, what's she supposed to live off?

£50 is reasonable present in general, but it seems the poor thing is desperately worried about money

When I was given a car for my birthday, it didnt cost me anything, maybe she wasn't expecting to have t contribute and has been caught a bit short.

As a isolated incident sure she's being unreasonable, but a she's spent all her living money seems like she's just worried.

This in spades, she wasn’t given a car, she was given money towards it, which was only explained to her recently after the fact

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 09/12/2022 15:05

I don't get the dynamic here at all. Isn't your husband's money also your money and if not why not and what did you give your daughter

Sirzy · 09/12/2022 15:07

£50 for a birthday is plenty especially if someone has already contributed towards a car.

sounds like she has very high expectations!

Sirzy · 09/12/2022 15:09

beAsensible1 · 09/12/2022 14:49

Am I missing something here? He didnt give or buy her a car? he gave her some money towards a car which is absolutely not the same thing.

Why would you "give" her a gift that she has had to spend a months worth of living money towards, what's she supposed to live off?

£50 is reasonable present in general, but it seems the poor thing is desperately worried about money

When I was given a car for my birthday, it didnt cost me anything, maybe she wasn't expecting to have t contribute and has been caught a bit short.

As a isolated incident sure she's being unreasonable, but a she's spent all her living money seems like she's just worried.

Then she should have said “I can’t afford to add my money to it so I will just get one for the value you are kindly giving me”

Motnight · 09/12/2022 15:11

What was the plan financially when she spent all her maintenance loan? There must have been one.

Goodgrief82 · 09/12/2022 15:14

Op fgs can’t you see how relevant actual figures are to this scenario??’

but your 19 year old whinging speaks volumes in itself tbh

KangarooKenny · 09/12/2022 15:15

So how did she expect to live with no maintenance money ?

SnarkyBag · 09/12/2022 15:16

Money towards a car and £50 for your birthday she’s done well tell her to give her head a wobble.

Eyerollcentral · 09/12/2022 15:17

Why did you support a 19 taking on student debt that presumably she doesn’t need as she is able to put it towards a car??? Utterly mad. Your daughter sounds absolutely spoilt rotten. £50 is more than I have ever had for any birthday from my parent and I suspect there are many more people like me.

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