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Original poster

"I'm just so bad with my phone"

74 replies

slickfast · 09/12/2022 09:38

How do people get away with this? I know someone from work who rarely replies to teams messages - it's usually "sorry I didn't see this" or "I'm just so bad with messages and getting back!"... same friend won't reply for weeks on WhatsApp, but is on Instagram posting everyday. Wtf!

She's not the only one, I know loads of people like this. Post a lot on Instagram but never get back to you because they're "so bad with their phone" (clearly they're not!) Even my little sister is like this!

Anyone else found this? I just find it so rude...

OP posts:
Original poster
slickfast · 09/12/2022 11:55

@BiscuitLover3678 thank you! Seems we're in the minority here which im mildly surprised about.

I'd never expect people to be at my "beck and call" as some people have inaccurately described, but if im asking how you are and if you'd still like to do those drinks (that she agreed to), and radio silence but all over Instagram (every day mind you!) then I can't see how it's not rude.

OP posts:
liarliarshortsonfire · 09/12/2022 11:56

It annoys me that people think they have a right to a response! Why should people message you back within your timescales?

They've obviously prioritise posting on IG rather than responding to a message, I don't see a problem with that. If it's important then ring them. If they miss drinks due to not responding then that's on them, if it's important to them, they will respond

mothermotherm · 09/12/2022 11:58

I am one of these people. I get stressed out by the demand to instantly respond to everyone. My friends are the same and we reply when we get a minute without work and kids pulling at our coat tails.

WimbyAce · 09/12/2022 11:59

If I get a WhatsApp message I reply pretty swiftly, I find it odd when people don't if it's just an easy chatty message. I know someone that takes forever to reply so generally don't bother with her anymore.

promisetobehave · 09/12/2022 12:05

WhatsApp is a complete pain as you can only use it on the phone. It drives me crazy to have to sit with my laptop open and WhatsApp pinging away for work- why not just use teams or IM? But I also tend to put my teams on do not disturb so you can't see if I'm green or not!!!

StressedOutMama7808 · 09/12/2022 12:08

slickfast · 09/12/2022 11:01

Wow interesting to hear people's perspectives on this!!

For context the friend I'm thinking of - I invited her to Christmas drinks at mine. She said she'd love to and would get back to me with availability. I've followed up multiple times and nothing. Tell me that's not rude.

And for people who don't respond on teams - how do you communicate on projects if you just don't bother to open messages? I understand group messages are annoying (easy to mute those as I do) but a lot of work comms happens over teams at least where I am!

Okay now I get why you're annoyed.

I wouldn't leave someone hanging like that.

I'd only not bother to reply if it was a generic message.

GerbilsForever24 · 09/12/2022 12:10

promisetobehave · 09/12/2022 12:05

WhatsApp is a complete pain as you can only use it on the phone. It drives me crazy to have to sit with my laptop open and WhatsApp pinging away for work- why not just use teams or IM? But I also tend to put my teams on do not disturb so you can't see if I'm green or not!!!

I use whatsapp on my computer.

TiredButDancing · 09/12/2022 12:13

slickfast · 09/12/2022 11:55

@BiscuitLover3678 thank you! Seems we're in the minority here which im mildly surprised about.

I'd never expect people to be at my "beck and call" as some people have inaccurately described, but if im asking how you are and if you'd still like to do those drinks (that she agreed to), and radio silence but all over Instagram (every day mind you!) then I can't see how it's not rude.

It's got nothing to do with her being "bad at her phone" and everything to do with the fact that christmas drinks with you is not a priority. She might want to, but with a million other things can't get the brain power up to actually organise. Or maybe she doesn't want to and is waiting for you to get the hint. I don't know. But either way, it's got nothing to do with her phone or social media.

WimbyAce · 09/12/2022 12:16

We use teams at work, can't imagine using WhatsApp for work

Original poster
slickfast · 09/12/2022 12:22

To clarify I am not using WhatsApp for work at all! For social reasons only -I.e inviting her round for Christmas drinks...

OP posts:
ThePumpking · 09/12/2022 12:23

Being on social media requires far less brain power than replying to people. If you're burnt out it's easy just scrolling through Instagram but so much harder to work up the energy to reply. Take it from someone who has about 30 unread messages currently because I'm too exhausted to have a conversation (which it always turns into). Replying to a post here or posting a photo there takes far far less energy

Stroopwaffle5000 · 09/12/2022 12:24

gannett · 09/12/2022 10:13

Can't stand people who think that because you're on your phone for one thing, you have to therefore be on your phone for THEM.

I use my phone for a million things and not all of them require the same amount of bandwidth. If I'm doing banking or medical admin, I will see your message come in but I won't focus on it. Yes, you can see I was online on Whatsapp, but I was responding to a friend going through some shit or working out logistics in a group, so I couldn't respond to you that minute. Yes, I was online, I was picking a song on Spotify and not messaging anyone. And if I'm on a walk and I see an interesting building it takes two seconds to take a picture and send it to Instagram, whereas I haven't replied to your message because that would mean sitting down to type it out properly and ignoring the people I'm actually with.

I tend to save "replying to casual, non-timely messages" for when I'm in a relaxed state of mind with little else to do first, which makes me worse than I want to be about responding quickly. But it is what it is.

Another annoying subset of this are all the dating threads where someone's got themselves into a tizzy because they can see someone online but he hasn't messaged THEM. Because there's absolutely nothing else he could be using his phone for.

This! My other excuse is that I have ADHD and either forget, or construct the reply in my head and think I've sent it when I haven't. And sometimes I'm just "peopled" out or having a depressive episode and don't want to communicate with anyone! It's not personal, it's just me trying to keep my head above water the best way I know how.

CruCru · 09/12/2022 12:33

I don't mind if someone doesn't reply quickly. I really mind if they leave me hanging on read (or just delivered) for weeks or months then chase me up if I take longer than an hour to reply to whatever they have sent me.

Re the sort of Teams chatter that a PP described upthread - would it be possible to say that you're finding this sort of thing quite distracting? My old company used to refer to "communications discipline". If the Teams chat fills up with crap then people will turn off the notifications. If people email everyone and then everyone replies to all, some will delete whole email chains.

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 09/12/2022 12:38

I am not 'bad' with my phone. It's just that it's an adjunct to my life not the be all and end all. I have deleted WhatsApp groups as I am just not interested, I'm not going to look at it so what's the point.
I'll decide if and when I am going to look at any posts/messages and if I don't get back to you quick then tough!

Snoken · 09/12/2022 13:02

I have muted all notifications except for text messages from my kids. I don’t know if I have got a text, what’s app, email etc unless I open the app. I hate what’s app so I might check that once or twice a week, messenger once a week, text messages a couple times a day, emails I just get when I’m working on my laptop. I really, really hate being on call 24/7 if someone actually needs me they will need to call.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/12/2022 13:12

slickfast · 09/12/2022 11:01

Wow interesting to hear people's perspectives on this!!

For context the friend I'm thinking of - I invited her to Christmas drinks at mine. She said she'd love to and would get back to me with availability. I've followed up multiple times and nothing. Tell me that's not rude.

And for people who don't respond on teams - how do you communicate on projects if you just don't bother to open messages? I understand group messages are annoying (easy to mute those as I do) but a lot of work comms happens over teams at least where I am!

It was hard to understand your OP as you were talking about your friend as if she were solely a work colleague.

Is she doesn't reply to work teams messages, & persistently tells you "sorry I didn't see this" or "I'm just so bad with messages and getting back!"
then you need to address her lack of professionalism.
Also to stop doing the same thing but expecting a different result.
If she ignores work teams stuff, then FGS stop expecting her to, & email her or ring her up direct yourself, if it's about work tasks.

But you've conflated a lot of her not getting back to you with personal stuff too.
Same rules apply.
Stop whatapping & insta'ing if she ignores these & just ring her up instead.
If it goes to voice mail & she still doesn't respond - stop trying.

You need to stop listening to words when her actions are already showing you who she is - someone who doesn't care enough to respond to you.
That sucks, it always stings when someone we like doesn't like us equally in return. But you seem to be banging your head against a brick wall, so stop it. You can't MAKE people communicate with you if they don't want to.
Sorry OP Flowers you are much better off dropping the rope, walking away from flakes, & focusing on people whose communication style is more like your own.

Luellie · 09/12/2022 13:16

OP you mention she's struggling and you've both had babies recently - how recent?

I found it really difficult to think up what to say on messages to friends when I was in the early stressed out, sleep deprived days of motherhood. I definitely went MIA for a while.

Maybe there's a part of her that definitely wants to do Christmas drinks with you, but also because she's struggling she doesn't know if she'll feel up to it and can't decide what to say? And I personally find when I've put off replying to something difficult, it gets harder and harder to reply the more glaring the lateness of my reply is

KettrickenSmiled · 09/12/2022 13:17

And for people who don't respond on teams - how do you communicate on projects if you just don't bother to open messages? I understand group messages are annoying (easy to mute those as I do) but a lot of work comms happens over teams at least where I am!

By following up with an email, stating "I need your feedback for the xyz report, but as you haven't opened seen the last 3 Teams messages about it, here is all the info via email. Please get back to me by 5pm to let me know you've seen it & when you will be able to complete your end of the task? Thanks regards etc"

So that if they ignore THAT, you have a handy email train to cover your arse with, & can escalate as necessary.

barneshome · 09/12/2022 13:26

I often do not reply
I do not have time to keep on looking at messages and replying
My phone is a means of communication if something is urgent or to make arrangements
That is all
No0r do I use insta FB or twatter

xogossipgirlxo · 09/12/2022 13:28

It's just a stupid saying "being bad with my phone". I very often don't reply for 2 days, because I can't be arsed. Unless something requires my immediate response, then I will bother. If it's something like video of snow, boring, I won't reply.

Saracen · 09/12/2022 13:46

I have different friends who are good or bad at communicating in various ways. This one isn't good at answering you on WhatsApp. I don't know that it really matters whether she has a "good reason" or just doesn't prioritise answering you. Life is too short to get to the bottom of the exact nature of her difficulty with answering.

If you want to get together with her, find a different way of communicating. You could ring her - that often works with people who don't answer messages. Sometimes I manage to get answers to my messages simply by "threatening" to ring or cancel - if it's someone known to be flaky then I'll say in my first message "in case you don't get this message, I'll ring this evening if I don't hear back" or "I'll assume you aren't interested if I don't hear from you by Tuesday".

StressedOutMama7808 · 09/12/2022 14:42

Luellie · 09/12/2022 13:16

OP you mention she's struggling and you've both had babies recently - how recent?

I found it really difficult to think up what to say on messages to friends when I was in the early stressed out, sleep deprived days of motherhood. I definitely went MIA for a while.

Maybe there's a part of her that definitely wants to do Christmas drinks with you, but also because she's struggling she doesn't know if she'll feel up to it and can't decide what to say? And I personally find when I've put off replying to something difficult, it gets harder and harder to reply the more glaring the lateness of my reply is

This is soooo true!

I have a 3 month old and was in the same predicament a couple of weeks ago!

Luckily my friend cancelled so I didn't have to 😄

Cas112 · 09/12/2022 14:43

People don't have to reply to you just because you think your entitled access to them 24/7 through a phone

Give people space, they will reply when they want to

louderthan · 09/12/2022 15:48

I only find it annoying when people don't respond to direct questions regarding arrangements or time-sensitive things

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