"I'm just so bad with my phone"

[slickfast]

How do people get away with this? I know someone from work who rarely replies to teams messages - it's usually "sorry I didn't see this" or "I'm just so bad with messages and getting back!"... same friend won't reply for weeks on WhatsApp, but is on Instagram posting everyday. Wtf!

She's not the only one, I know loads of people like this. Post a lot on Instagram but never get back to you because they're "so bad with their phone" (clearly they're not!) Even my little sister is like this!

Anyone else found this? I just find it so rude...

I'm a bit like this. I rarely get any downtime that's just for "me". By the time I finish work, and pick up DS, feed him, have some play time, bath, book and bed, then get myself ready for work the next day or catch-up on some laundry, sometimes I just want to mindlessly scroll or read on MN or something. It just so happens that I do that via the device that people contact me on. I think we need to get away from this expectation that people should be contactable at all times. That hour in the evening when I'm lying in bed and on Insta or Facebook or whatever is sometimes the only time I get for peace and quiet and I don't necessarily want to feel obliged to spend that time in conversation with people because they see me active on a device.

If it's work then YANBU, they're being paid to be contactable and "sorry, I'm incompetent" doesn't cut it. If it's social then YABU, no one owes you their contact or being contactable.

I'm awful with my phone - I actually have two phones because I bought a new one three months ago and whilst I transferred all my data across, I didn't move the sim over (I couldn't find a pin) so it's just stayed that way. So, I can use the new one for Facebook/Instagram/emails etc but not for Whatsapp or texts or calls. My new one is currently in DD's changing bag where it's been for about a week without battery and my old one (with the sim) is somewhere in the house because I took it off charge yesterday morning but I couldn't find it when I went to go out and then, by the time I asked DH to phone it, it'd run out of battery.

So, I could post on mumsnet from my laptop but not answer calls because my phone is fuck knows where - it's different.

"what annoys me is the posting on Instagram but blatantly ignoring messages for weeks"

People are entitled to choose how they use their time and attention. No one is at your beck and call, unless perhaps you are paying them to be.

It's the classic "blame technology". It's not the technology, it's how you use it. So people who say, "Ooh, I'm just so bad with my phone" are trying to blame their phone somehow when really, they're just poor at communicating.

In a work environment, I'd have zero sympathy. whatever communication tools the company chooses to use as standard, employees are obligated to get to grips with.

How do people get away with this? I know someone from work who rarely replies to teams messages

If it's Teams, is it a work thing, and if so and it's a requirement for work, then they should not ignore those. It's a management issue.

For personal phone interactions I think you just have to accept it. If people are your friends then they won't treat you badly whether that's in person or virtually.

My phone is only used for work when we are at conferences and need to contact people. For that we use WeChat (as the main office is in Hong Kong). WeChat is also used for general chatty work-related issue (e.g. did you see that Tweet on bla bla), which don't require a response.

If people don't get back to you for 'weeks', then it's because you're not a priority to them.

I get back to people in my life in order of priority (to me) and expect people will phone me or send a follow up text, if they need an answer to something within a given timeframe.

People don't owe you a reply. It's not rude. It's just a different communication style.

🤷

Do you have work phones? Are you contacting them on that during their working hours?

If you are messaging somebody to their personal phone then they have every right not to reply until it suits them. I use my phone to manage my whole life. Work is a tiny slice of the pie and will never be the most important. I don't have to justify when, who or what I reply to on my personal phone.

If it's a work phone and it's work business, during working hours then that's different.

What @gannett said! Sums it up perfectly.

As for work contact, I would honestly just not work a job that expected me to be contactable outside of work hours. It's just not for me!

My husband answers his work phone at almost all hours, but then he gets paid a fee for every out-of-hours call he answers 😁 but he certainly doesn't answer his work texts or emails out of hours.

I'm usually fairly "on it" with messages etc but some take longer for me to reply to. I often can feel a bit burnt out with replying to personal messages as I'm on my phone constantly for work so when i finish at the end of the day it's like "eugh".

Also things like invites to things I have to double check availability or best times to do things, or check with DH he's free to have the kids etc.

it it's work related, is it a work phone? I have 2 because i can' tbe bothered mixing my work stuff and my private stuff.

If i forget a work thing, and am posting on Instagram it's because I'm using my own phone for that. Nothing to do with anyone i work with.

But if it is work: call them? email them? if you need something don't just sit there passively. And stop monitoring their social media use unless you're their boss and you think they're doing it on work time

Wow interesting to hear people's perspectives on this!!

For context the friend I'm thinking of - I invited her to Christmas drinks at mine. She said she'd love to and would get back to me with availability. I've followed up multiple times and nothing. Tell me that's not rude.

And for people who don't respond on teams - how do you communicate on projects if you just don't bother to open messages? I understand group messages are annoying (easy to mute those as I do) but a lot of work comms happens over teams at least where I am!

But people do owe you a reply! Primo Levi said he was worried by the prospect of Albert Speer writing him a letter because civilised people respond to correspondence.
If someone speaks to you in person it’s very rude not to respond. Written communication is the same except that you have a bit longer, but not infinite time.
I agree that it’s a question of priorities what you do first, but at a certain stage being so low on someone’s list is insulting.

She doesn't want to do drinks. Stop bombarding her?

The work thing I disagree with, if it's not work time there is no need to do ordinate anything. You would wait until I clocked in and I would enjoy my evening in instagram.

You actually sound suffocating as a friend and weirdly self important as a work colleague

All of this 👆🏻

Oh Christ. Yes this! In among the nonsense I'll get an actual specific request from a senior leader asking me a question or to do something and unless I trawl through a million channels I have no idea who has messaged what.
During the working day I have emails, texts, teams messages, WhatsApp's, Facebook notifications pinging left right and centre.
The only way I manage it is to spend large portions of time ignoring it so I can actually get on with stuff and I then have to filter out the personal or non important stuff.
Shit falls down the cracks. That's life.

It's hardly monitoring their use- I'm on Instagram, and can see said person has viewed my story! And they're "green" - I.e online

so just cal her? If she doesn't want to answer, you can't force her to. So you need to think a bit more. So if you know she never answers say "only reply if you can, if you don't answer I'll assume a no"

it's not rocket surgery

If they're ignoring your Whatsapps but posting on Instagram surely it's easier to just message them on Instagram? Least then they'll see it surely?

I've tried that. I said "hey just want to check everything's ok!" (We've both had babies recently and she was struggling.)

She said oh sorry I haven't got back to your earlier message but I will!

Nothing.

Bloody hell. No. If someone isn't answering it is be due they have chosen not to, for whatever reason. Don't go stalking them across various platforms.

We use WhatsApp at work to communicate with each other and so I have my phone and may well have been on WhatsApp several times in a shift but not replying to personal messages or been on FB or messenger.
I also mute the same groups when I'm not at work because they're intrusive and I'm not at work.
I may look but if it can wait then it does, unless I'm at work I don't owe anyone a response within a time frame they have decided, that's up to me to decide because I know what I'm doing and what has priority and what doesn't at any given time.
I don't live my life on my phone, it's a device to make my life more convenient, not for me to be at everyone's beck and call when they decide.

I’m one of these people (personally, not professionally - I have to answer calls at work).

Im actually thinking about deleting WhatsApp as I can’t keep up with the constant messages and the expectation that I need to be responding to people quickly. It’s draining.

I miss the days when if you called someone on their house phone and they were out, you had to call back another time. You didn’t batter their phone trying to get through like a psycho (the way some people send message after message after message….)

I think its a priorities thing too. I tend to think if someone isnt responding its because then genuinely cannot be bothered/dont want to. I get people can be stressed/busy but it is always possible to find time for things/people that actually matter

I'm great with my phone. Less so with my memory though! And I get SO FuCkINg many WhatsApps that they slide down off the screen and I forget.

I think we're so busy these days that the additional ways to communicate sometimes hinder not help

Yeah I hate this. People who never reply but live on social media.