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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To forgive him?

75 replies

aqu · 08/12/2022 23:39

Six(ish) month ago whilst on a break with ExDP of 1.5 years I found out I was pregnant. He said he was "abandoning us" the next day, then his family blocked me on everything and I heard nothing for a month.

He then resurfaced after that month and said he wanted to know whether I had terminated or not. That he was never actually going to abandon me, he just did it with the support of his parents to try and "force and manipulate" me into an abortion.

I refused to tell him and then he contacted me again a couple of weeks later and said the only person I was hindering by not telling him was my child. I had already miscarried by his point and I told him.

He then went on to tell me his parents hate me and some other mean stuff, he called me a name.

We didn't speak for five months but have been recently. It's pathetic, but I love him. I haven't moved on, I've tried, but I have not been able to.

We've been sleeping together and going on dates.

The situation was incredibly traumatic and it makes my stomach turn when I think about it

AIBU to try and forgive him?

Would you?

OP posts:
ScotlandEuropa · 09/12/2022 08:49

Yeah. It is pathetic. Ffs.

mumonherphone · 09/12/2022 08:51

No he sounds incredibly selfish and will always put his own feelings before yours in future situations. Be kind to yourself and move on.

Sapphire387 · 09/12/2022 08:52

What happens if/when you get pregnant again?

user1471457751 · 09/12/2022 08:55

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

She suffered a miscarriage. There is no baby's father because there is no longer any baby.

pointythings · 09/12/2022 08:57

This isn't love, it's trauma bonding. Please get yourself some counselling so that you can recover properly from this 'man' and get the relationship you deserve.

MidwifeAMA · 09/12/2022 08:58

What on earth are you doing?
He is the worst man ever, with the worst family.
They conspired to get you to abort even if you didn't want to.
I promise you, a life with him and his family will bring you a lifetime of sadness.
If you have children you will always be tied to this horrible family who will treat you like dirt forever.
Please, please, save yourself.
In a years time you don't even think about him.

Quincythequince · 09/12/2022 08:59

OMG, do not forgive him.
You are in a low place, understandably, and he just happens to show up and so it’s a case of any port in a storm.

Stay strong OP. Block him and his crazy family and try to move on with your life!

ScotlandEuropa · 09/12/2022 08:59

I mean honestly just how bad does it need to get for some women?

BloodAndFire · 09/12/2022 09:00

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

She had a miscarriage. It's in her first post.

LittleStar22 · 09/12/2022 09:01

Absolutely not!
I could not forgive him.
Think about the long term.. what if you get pregnant again? How will he/his family react?
You can’t trust him.
They won’t accept you and there will be problems forever more, leave now before it goes any further.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 09/12/2022 09:06

Why would even bother with a scumbag like this?

I do not understand how or why women put themselves through this.

You have no children with this man. You do not need to ever see or speak with him again.

Incredible.

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/12/2022 09:08

So you were already on a break when you found out you were pregnant. What/who initiated that and why?

His actions are not those of a good man, OP. Is he your first long term relationship? No matter how much you "love" him, he clearly does not love you and from the way he has treated you I wouldn't even be acknowledging his existence on this planet!

Do yourself a massive favour, block him and his shit family. Get some counselling, try the Freedom Programme, and stay single for a good while as you build up your own self-esteem.

quietnightmare · 09/12/2022 09:10

Yes forgive him for your sanity you have been through enough and then leave him. YOU WILL MOVE ON

plinkypots · 09/12/2022 09:12

You've trauma bonded. You don't love him and definitely doesn't love you. Get some therapy and find the strength to give yourself a chance at a real future not entangled in some toxic mess with people who hate you.

fairgame84 · 09/12/2022 09:12

No why would you even give him the time of day?
His family don't like you so this won't work long term.
I bet he's stringing you along until something better comes along.

OrigamiOwls · 09/12/2022 09:13

This is completely unforgivable. You will move on, in time, and be happy. He brings nothing positive to your life.
If you did get back together imagine having to spend time with him and his family at important events after they treated you this way.

Readaboutyourself · 09/12/2022 09:14

urgh god no. Invest that date time in therapy. He’s AWFUL.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/12/2022 09:15

I refused to tell him (whether I'd terminated) and then he contacted me again a couple of weeks later and said the only person I was hindering by not telling him was my child

You said "my" child - was he the father?

If so then obviously he's acted appallingly, but if not it could look a bit different

Nancienoo · 09/12/2022 09:18

I think you should move on on hard as it is because you love him. I get that I loved someone who wasn’t nice to me and done the same told me he didn’t want the baby, I kept the baby and went on with my pregnancy and took him back when he come back wish I hadn’t now he ruined me abused me and it’s my own fault for listening to his lies that he changed…. Be strong

BellePeppa · 09/12/2022 09:22

Stop it! You’re just being another example of a pathetic silly weak woman who has had plenty of opportunities to end this but can’t because ‘I wuv him’. God it makes my blood boil.

Nancienoo · 09/12/2022 09:24

BellePeppa · 09/12/2022 09:22

Stop it! You’re just being another example of a pathetic silly weak woman who has had plenty of opportunities to end this but can’t because ‘I wuv him’. God it makes my blood boil.

@BellePeppa bit harsh you can’t help who you love but I do understand how it looks from he outside staying with a man like this

MRSDoos · 09/12/2022 09:24

Please do not forgive him. You’d be silly too. Would he be sleeping with you and in your life if you didn’t lose your baby? I doubt it. He is horrid.

Cocacolathanks · 09/12/2022 09:29

Run a mile from men like that. Disgusting… you deserve kindness, compassion and a real man. Not this coward.

ThreeblackCats · 09/12/2022 09:31

You’re a mug.
he’s a c&nt.
his family are twats.
you seem well suited.

I’d never forgive or forget a dick that wanted me to abort nor one that dumped me to suit his schedule.

AdoraBell · 09/12/2022 09:40

Think about the things he’s said, what he said about the pregnancy. Would that be what you want to be told if you get pregnant again?

He is manipulating you. This will get worse.

You need to put yourself first and set the bar higher than this.

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