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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that nobody ever buys you the things you secretly want?

106 replies

FangsForTheMemory · 08/12/2022 23:26

For Christmas/birthdays. You have to ask.

Please share the things you’d like but don’t get. Reasonable things, though! Mine is a £50 bouquet with cellophane and ribbon, the works.

OP posts:
CatJumperTwat · 09/12/2022 08:54

I got an absolutely perfect Secret Santa gift yesterday. A book I'm very excited to read and some very warm socks.

Millana · 09/12/2022 08:55

@Wdib78 assuming your baby is little, I'm inclined to agree with your parents that money in an account is a much better idea. They won't know or care it's Christmas. If you do need anything, could you tell them you'll use some of the money to buy x that you do need?

Ilovemybed2022 · 09/12/2022 08:57

every year, my mum gives me money in a card. It’s great. I can buy whatever I want. Last year was dms, year before was ray bans

Calphurnia88 · 09/12/2022 08:58

earsup · 08/12/2022 23:40

I tried hinting with a friend who is rich...she can be quite outspoken...she told me what i liked was crap..a designer hand bag......so each birthday and xmas i get a bin bag of lovely wrapped gifts which are dreadful....she can be quite childish....buys me kids pyjamas as she liked the design....have no children at home..now aged 35 etc.......board games etc for small children....table football....remote control jumping frogs....stuff like this...i donate the lot to local food bank....so depressing ...she wastes so much money...could have easily bought me the bag years ago....!!

No matter how rich someone might be I would never expect them to buy me a designer handbag (which are usually £000s, unless you're using the term designer loosely).

Millana · 09/12/2022 08:59

The funniest thing for me though is when family exchange presents. It's always just an exchange of a £20 note in an envelope stuck on a pound shop box of chocolates. It's like why bother?

Millana · 09/12/2022 09:03

I'd also LOVE an eternity ring. I point them out occassionally but it's not something you can ask for or buy yourself.

Ragwort · 09/12/2022 09:06

I have reached the stage in life where we all firmly agree 'no presents'. If I want something I can buy it for myself, I genuinely don't/want need surprises.

My DH did buy me huge, beautiful bouquets for years ... yes they are lovely but secretly I thought they were such a waste of money and eventually I told him (tactfully) that I was happy with supermarket flowers.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/12/2022 09:14

This is why we're a list family.

I put stuff on my list I wouldn't buy for myself (fancy cosmetics, stuff like that) and they're a nice treat.

MooseBreath · 09/12/2022 09:15

Yes, I often find that people tend not to think about me as a person when buying a Christmas or birthday gift. Every year I receive Prosecco (even though I very rarely drink, and even then it's red wine or rum) and perfume (despite not wearing perfume). If asked to provide a list, I do, with both specifics (last year was new tap shoes) and vague things like pajamas, scented candles, American sweets, and psychological thriller novels.

If even a little thought went in, I would appreciate it so much. I have a very distinct style if clothing and decor, and anything in that style would be so well-received. I always put loads of effort in to choose gifts that the recipient would love, so I just wish that the effort was reciprocated.

wallpoppy · 09/12/2022 09:29

earsup · 08/12/2022 23:40

I tried hinting with a friend who is rich...she can be quite outspoken...she told me what i liked was crap..a designer hand bag......so each birthday and xmas i get a bin bag of lovely wrapped gifts which are dreadful....she can be quite childish....buys me kids pyjamas as she liked the design....have no children at home..now aged 35 etc.......board games etc for small children....table football....remote control jumping frogs....stuff like this...i donate the lot to local food bank....so depressing ...she wastes so much money...could have easily bought me the bag years ago....!!

@earsup why do you type like this?

Champagneforeveryone · 09/12/2022 09:45

kegofcoffee I think that's probably a really good point - £50 on flowers that will die after a week or so? I think it's the idea there will be nothing to show after that puts people off.

Personally I love flowers and would also be delighted by a large and ostentatious bouquet, but have only ever got a modest size one once, largely because I suspect DH forgot my birthday and panic bought on the way home. I was thrilled and effusive but to no avail 🙄

donttalkaboutbookclub · 09/12/2022 09:52

I want a poster for somewhere foreign that I've been, like an arty poster of the Amsterdam flower market. A poster with foreign words on it. Bloemenmarkt. That's all.

sueelleker · 09/12/2022 09:52

Lisarinnaslipss · 09/12/2022 00:53

I absolutely agree. I just want a really good botte of tequila. I add it to my list every year, and every year I buy it for me as no one else gets it! Why?

My sister only drinks Bacardi, so that's what I give her every year. At least it's something that gets used.

Allthegoodnamestakken · 09/12/2022 09:54

Japanesejazz · 09/12/2022 00:07

I want a 15.2 strawberry roan mare, I am nearly 60, for the first time in my life I saw one for sale at auction this year. ALL of my family were informed, if it’s not in my field on Christmas Day morning there will be a divorce and several changes to my will!

😂We have similar wants, I picked myself out a lovely chunky 15.2 grey mare who was for sale at a show I went to recently. DP clearly didn't get the hint because I'm still seeing her advert on Facebook. He claims our garden isn't big enough but it totally is

Waystation · 09/12/2022 09:55

I want a Dyson air wrap - but I’m worried that it will end up in the cupboard with the other multiple hair stylers that I never use, so it’s not been added to my list, but I really want it.

Wdib78 · 09/12/2022 09:55

Millana · 09/12/2022 08:55

@Wdib78 assuming your baby is little, I'm inclined to agree with your parents that money in an account is a much better idea. They won't know or care it's Christmas. If you do need anything, could you tell them you'll use some of the money to buy x that you do need?

He'll be 5 months, it's not about money being better, it's the thought that counts, for me money is , can't be arsed to think, just throw money at it, which is his usual way of dealing with presents

lunathestral · 09/12/2022 09:56

my husband is a star at buying things I didn't know how much I wanted such as an Oodie for Christmas last year

Shinygreenbeetle · 09/12/2022 10:11

This birthday I’d made some fairly specific suggestions / comments about small things I’d like but wouldn’t really buy myself. The day rolled round and DP had got me a selection of generic things that were nice enough but certainly not things I’d mentioned.
I find it frustrating as, if you pay attention to people, it’s really not that difficult to find them something meaningful, or that they will really like…

Essexhousehusbands · 09/12/2022 10:22

Iamanunsafebuilding · 09/12/2022 08:27

Slightly on a tangent but I'd like to buy my DD some pj's for Christmas, she's 20 and wears shorties. Where would you buy some 'nice' pyjamas from? Also going to get her some cashmere wrist warmers from turtle doves I think

@Iamanunsafebuilding

££££ Desmond and Dempsey !!

Calphurnia88 · 09/12/2022 10:33

@Iamanunsafebuilding what's your budget? I've been admiring the pyjamas on Stripe and Stare but can't justify the price (£85) for myself.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/12/2022 11:20

You do need to be quite explicit with your nearest and dearest I find. My siblings and I have wish lists of books so we get something we want (I sometimes go rogue for DSis but check her bookshelves first). DH gets a list of very specific suggestions, is well aware of my love of daffodils (so I get them for my birthday, Valentine's Day and Mothering Sunday) and my favourite florist in town so for my lockdown big birthday I got the most beautiful bouquet from there (see picture). He has gone rogue to great effect though, I once got a left-handed breadknife for Valentine's Day which was much appreciated.

To think that nobody ever buys you the things you secretly want?
To think that nobody ever buys you the things you secretly want?
PickyTea · 09/12/2022 11:46

YABU, only because I’m very lucky to have family and a DH who do really go out of their way to find out what to get me, I’ve never had to ask, DH and my mum especially always seem to know what I really want, even sometimes more than I do myself!

Can’t answer the second part of your question as I don’t really want anything for under £50 and never have

professionalnomad · 09/12/2022 12:18

It's my 40th today. At the moment Ihave my husband and my mu at home. I've been off work for the last month sick. No one has bought me any presents. I did say I wanted a cookie scoop (hardly bank busting) but nope. Nothing.

Millana · 09/12/2022 12:40

@professionalnomad happy birthday.

naemates · 09/12/2022 12:48

I keep proposing, though no one has agreed to it yet, a show and tell secret Santa where people spend their £10/20/50 on exactly what they would want and bring it along to demonstrate the ideal gift for them. Extra points for wrapping them and everyone guesses who it belongs to