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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To delay DS birthday

55 replies

user6685 · 08/12/2022 23:06

It's my DS 3rd birthday tomorrow. We have had an eventful week, house renovations taking longer than they should due to unforeseen issues, DS hasn't been well including a A&E visit, the house is still a complete mess and we will have builders in here again tomorrow.
He obviously doesn't know date/days and we haven't overly mentioned his birthday to him. He just knows it's soon. I feel like doing it properly in a couple of days so we can try and make the house more appropriate. Yet at the same time I feel really weird not acknowledging it tomorrow. The issue is if I tell him/say happy birthday to him he will instantly want presents/cake/party.
Has anyone else done this? Am I being overly precious?

OP posts:
MolesOnPoles · 08/12/2022 23:08

I’d do exactly as you plan. He (and you) will enjoy it far more that way. As long as no friends/ nursery / whatever will put their foot in it.

Overthehill123 · 08/12/2022 23:10

Does the house need to be in a certain way to celebrate a 3rd birthday? I'd understand not having a huge gathering if you're in renovation hell, but completely ignoring his birthday in favour of another day is odd.

SarahAndQuack · 08/12/2022 23:10

Sounds like a plan! If nursery/friends say anything, you just smile brightly and say 'not yet! Birthday party on Sunday! (or whenever)'. Any adult will just fall in with that.

Hope he has a lovely day.

Keyansier · 08/12/2022 23:13

I don't understand this at all. Confused Why would you do something like that? But it's your child and just my opinion.

AutumnIsHere21 · 08/12/2022 23:14

We’ve done this with our two - mainly to make it on a weekend day so we can have a nice family day. Oldest just turned six so can’t do it anymore with her 😫

PollyPut · 08/12/2022 23:15

I wouldn't wait for the cake party. Cake (and candles) on actual birthday is such a tradition. Sit down and plan his party with him that makes him happy

SavingKitten · 08/12/2022 23:15

I wouldn’t do it with mine, it’d just feel too strange! But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing it at all.

Original poster
user6685 · 08/12/2022 23:23

For those asking why I don't think I explained properly in my OP about my house. It's not just a new lick of paint. I literally have my kitchen in my living room right now. There is stuff in every single room. We are having to stay upstairs and I suppose the thought of him opening presents adding to the stuff. There isn't really much of a safe place to really play with them either.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 08/12/2022 23:45

YABU - yours kids birthday is more important than the state of your kitchen .

boomboombang · 08/12/2022 23:48

Won’t friends ans family be giving. Him gifts and wishing him happy birthday?

Hugasauras · 08/12/2022 23:51

Is he at nursery? Will they not say happy birthday?

It does feel a bit weird to do. I suppose it doesn't really matter, but for some reason it makes me feel like it's less special in some way and less meaningful. You can have cake and some presents anywhere really.

RandomPerson42 · 09/12/2022 00:17

This is bizarre imho - do you celebrate Christmas on a different day to everyone else or Easter on any other day you feel like, why not have New Years Eve on the 28th of December instead?

Birthdays are more important than any other day in my opinion - each to their own though.

user6685 · 09/12/2022 08:12

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
user6685 · 09/12/2022 08:13

boomboombang · 08/12/2022 23:48

Won’t friends ans family be giving. Him gifts and wishing him happy birthday?

No because he is ill they are saving it/I'm not planning to pass this illness on

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/12/2022 08:14

This reply has been deleted

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Disagreement isn't trolling
this would be a weird thing to do in my opinion. It's not his birthday in a few days. What do birthdays mean if you ignore the actual day and pretend it's some other time?

Original poster
user6685 · 09/12/2022 08:17

@CloseYourEyesAndSee it is trolling when you imply my son isn't important. I have spent 12 hours in A&E with him worried sick. I asked whether people would find it strange for themselves (which I feel also) not for comments like that which is being a utter d*head because they can

OP posts:
gannett · 09/12/2022 08:20

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/12/2022 08:14

Disagreement isn't trolling
this would be a weird thing to do in my opinion. It's not his birthday in a few days. What do birthdays mean if you ignore the actual day and pretend it's some other time?

Show quote history

Well birthdays don't actually "mean" anything because units of time are artificial constructs. It's just nice to celebrate people you love.

I delay birthdays all the time. Rarely celebrated my own birthday on the day as a child (it was towards the end of the holidays so I chose to celebrate it when my friends were around). These days most people I know just fit it around their own lives and celebrate on the most convenient date vaguely near the actual date. Don't parents do this with their kids by having the party at the nearest weekend?

To me it's more important to have an enjoyable party (maximum fun, minimum stress) than a party On The Day and if that means delaying it to a time when there's not as much shit going on then so be it.

ThaiDye · 09/12/2022 08:20

You are not being strange. Do whatever makes the most sense for your family. You can still have a nice cake on the actual day but not a problem delaying bigger celebrations when everyone is in better physical health and frame of mind! Ignore those who are judging you for it.

GoldenCupidon · 09/12/2022 08:26

Waiting a day or so til he is better, ok. But with your house totally upside down the risk is you put it off and then never do it because things won’t be “ready” (realistically with the kitchen etc it sounds like weeks til things are less chaotic at home).

so I’d say put it off if you want by a day or two, but do fix that day now, when you will celebrate, and stick to it.

you sound like me when I’m anxious.

Hope your son feels better very soon.

Hugasauras · 09/12/2022 08:27

But it wasn't about delaying celebrations but actually just ignoring the day altogether and not letting her child know it's his birthday in the first place, wasn't it? Obviously most people do parties etc at weekends, but I'm pretty sure they still have presents being opened and a birthday tea/cake or something else on the day itself.

As I said I don't think it really does matter but it does feel weird to me to just let the day pass without any recognition or letting him know it's his birthday.

alasangne · 09/12/2022 08:29

No have his birthday on his birthday.

Have a party another day sure

PeacefulInTheDeep · 09/12/2022 08:30

I think it's fine OP, you should do whatever makes it a special day for your DS.

My DS's 3rd birthday was on the day we were traveling home from a family holiday. We just told him his birthday was the next day so that we didn't spend it packing/in the car/unpacking etc.

By next year he'll be old enough to understand that his party/presents will happen at the weekend, and you can acknowledge the actual day with a card and cake if you want.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 09/12/2022 08:33

I did it when mine were little as DH is in the police and we would move it to dates he was on rest days. Usually just a day or two.

Now they're older obviously we cant do it, but its neither weird, unreasonable or any of the other comments on this thread.

Go for it OP, and ignore the haters and trolls.

alasangne · 09/12/2022 08:34

SarahAndQuack · 08/12/2022 23:10

Sounds like a plan! If nursery/friends say anything, you just smile brightly and say 'not yet! Birthday party on Sunday! (or whenever)'. Any adult will just fall in with that.

Hope he has a lovely day.

Or they'll be confused and update their phone calendar and send a card late every year for the rest of their life.

butterfliedtwo · 09/12/2022 08:35

It's weird not to acknowledge it at all.