Helping friend after c-section

[Cookskitchen]

Firstly, I have had 3 “natural” births so I don’t truly have an understanding of the recovery after a c-section.

I have been helping my friend out after her 3rd section with childcare a couple of times a week since the baby was born. Nothing much really a couple of dropping offs and pick ups from school, which I’m doing anyway with my DC. Also, a couple of 5pm nursery collection. I was more than happy to help out as needed once her husband went back to work after 2 weeks off.

She is now 7 weeks post c-section as has asked again for me to help with a couple of drop off pick ups and for the 5pm nursery collection next week (making her 8 weeks PP).

I don’t really want to say no, like I said always more than happy to help out and I don’t know fully the recovery time after a section. But I feel like maybe she is able to walk to collect DD? (It’s a about a 10min walk). I feel like I’m maybe falling in this that I can alway help/be asked/taking the piss… if that makes sense - not in a mean way! She is alway thankful and grateful.

I have also offered to walk with her if she needed but she didn’t really take me up on it! DH has the car so driving isn’t an option but I know she is cleared to drive after 6ish weeks of it was ever available.

I suppose the main reason I’m feeling a little over used is that fact she starting talking about have its great in the mornings… DH gets up with the older kids, breakfast, gets them dressed, she has a lovely lie in and wakes up when the baby does (all of which is lovely and totally needed after the birth/sleepless night and especially c-section)

AIBU to say no?

Is she doing the school runs on the other days or not at all? Who else is helping?

She was up and moving around helping her youngest with the potty/pulling his trouser up the other week no problem
If the youngest is using the potty she should definitely be back to normal

I guess everyone recovers differently but I do think 8 weeks post csection is reasonable for doing a short walk. I was hunched over for the first week and then walking the school run about 10 days post c section absolutely fine. But obviously based on replies here it can take longer for many people. I'd definitely feel like a cf if I was asking a friend to help me with this that long after csection though.

I think maybe give her up until the Xmas holidays and then say you can't help out anymore. By return to school she'll be approx 11 weeks pp and I think that's perfectly acceptable to expect her to be able to walk for 10 minutes to deal with her own responsibilities.

It really depends on the women. I couldn't have done it at that stage after my 3rd section. I had an infection in my stitches and just about managed to walk up and found the stairs. 20 minutes pushing a pram I would have struggled. However unlike your friends didn't rely on anyone other than mu dh who took 2 weeks leave added to his paternity leave to help. After that at 10 weeks I was doing the school run which is an hours round trip and largely uphill.

If you think your friend is taking advantage or simply don't want to anymore, say so. Your mistake was in not agreeing to do it for a set time period and no longer. You are going to have to be blunt now.

Recovery is so personal.
The first section I had took 5 months for my wound to close. The second one was healed within a week (at least on the surface).

Try not to judge. One lift a week isn't too bad and might be a real help to her to get some rest. See if she fancies the walk to pick up and chat then maybe?

To be honest, if you're not wanting to do the school runs anymore then you don't have to. Her recovery is kind of a moot point. Understanding you want to help, if it doesn't suit you anymore, she needs to make alternative arrangements and involve her husband. Seems to me like she's getting a bit too comfortable with your kindness.

i agree recovery is personal

i think you have been great helping out so much but now is the time to step back she has a dh and they need to make it work between themselves or if she needs that much support they need to make the arrangements rather than be reliant on you (which has become convenient for them)

Don’t feel bad look at the support you have given you have been very kind