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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh porn on search history

38 replies

timeforbedd · 08/12/2022 19:53

Asked dh to use his phone as mine was on charge. Needed to check something on internet. (We regularly do this if our phones are charging, out of battery etc).

Went into Google clicked to start typing and it brought up recently searched pages. A porn website was showing in the recent Google search history.

I simply asked dh, "when were you watching porn?" He said he wasn't. I said well it's on your Google search history. He is adamant it wasn't him.

It was this morning. He is adamant, swearing on kids life's it wasn't him.

On his actual search history, 2 videos have been clicked onto as I can see the title of the video.

I trust him 100% I wasn't snooping because I never have any reason to (before anyone starts saying I don't trust him 😂).

Aibu to think it could only have been him? No1 else has access to his phone as it has a passcode. It's not signed in to his Google account so access is simply through that phone.

He has made me feel totally shit as says I obv don't trust him as I don't believe him, but I do. I honestly do!

But how else would it have got there? No other random websites are there, all other Google searches are things he searched.

OP posts:
Scarling · 08/12/2022 19:55

Well, yes, I'd say it was obvious he was looking at porn. Have you discussed your boundaries on that? It wouldn't bother me but lying about it would.

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 08/12/2022 19:55

He's watched porn, sounds like he felt cornered and embarrassed

Have you banned him from watching it?

ConnieTucker · 08/12/2022 19:56

Well, you dont believe him.

but he is obviously lying.

what outcome are you hoping for?

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 08/12/2022 19:57

Sounds like he definitely watched it but is too scared of your reaction to admit it.

Original poster
timeforbedd · 08/12/2022 19:58

I don't care if he watches it. I said that to him, if you watched it I don't care, it wouldn't bother me. But lying bothers me! Why would he lie about it? But how else would it get there? Swore on "kids life's" etc.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/12/2022 19:59

I simply asked dh, "when were you watching porn?" He said he wasn't

Why did you ask this? What difference does it make if it was Tuesday or wedneaday?

Do you have an issue with him watching porn (at any time)? And if so, does he know this?

Of course it was him (unless you have teen or pre teen children with no access to their own phones)

luxxlisbon · 08/12/2022 19:59

If you don’t care why were you questioning him on it?

Saxiee · 08/12/2022 20:01

Why were you even asking when he's been watching porn? That's made him feel like you aren't OK with it, despite what you say, because it sounds a bit accusatory, like you had an issue with it.

If my boyfriend borrowed my phone and saw porn in my browser, he'd just ignore it or have a genuine joke about it (depending on the category/what I searched), he wouldn't ask "when were you watching porn?" because it's none of his business. It's just a weird question, why does when matter?

Original poster
timeforbedd · 08/12/2022 20:01

I asked just out of curiosity as he said before he didn't watch it.

I have never said, don't watch it, your not allowed to watch it etc. because I don't control him.

The issue is that I think he lied and he is making it out that I don't believe him (which I don't because how else would it get on his search history)

I have truly never doubted anything he has said to me and I can hand on my heart say that.

I just don't understand how it would get there if it wasn't him when no1 else has access to his phone.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 08/12/2022 20:07

His response to it might be because he was caught on the hop and possibly embarrassed. If him watching porn isn't line crossing for you then it would be better to leave it till such a time when you can approach him with your point being about the stubborn lying rather than the porn itself.

ILoveeCakes · 08/12/2022 20:14

What right do you have to tell him what to do and what not to do? And then interrogate him to see if he has complied or not?

Yes, men wank, men watch a bit of porn. Christ almighty. Don't ask and they won't lie. Some things are best left alone.

Buildingthefuture · 08/12/2022 20:15

It hasn’t got there by magic. He watched it and he is now lying about it. Possibly he’s embarrassed, felt threatened, has an issue, whatever, I really wouldn’t care. The lying about it though is a big no for me. I would tell him that you know he watched it and you really don’t care (if that’s true!) but the lying about it causes massive damage. Be completely calm but ask him to be honest. If he continues to lie, you have got bigger problems than him watching porn…

Original poster
timeforbedd · 08/12/2022 20:18

Thanks all for the responses.

The issue isn't the watching porn! I couldn't care less about that! The issue is the lying. I trust him 100% and the fact that he's now lying has hurt me as I don't think he's ever lied to me before.

It's not about controlling him, questioning him etc.

He stated before he doesn't watch porn so I simply asked "when" as he told me he doesn't watch it.

I wasn't interrogating him or anything! So those of you who are turning it round & making out I was then have taken this completely the wrong way.

It's the lies I'm pissed odd about as could only have been him!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/12/2022 20:19

You've embarrassed him and he knee jerk lied. You should have left well enough alone considering you don't care if he watches it.

Sprouttreesareamazing · 08/12/2022 20:29

Was he supposed to be watching the dc at that time?

ILoveeCakes · 08/12/2022 20:30

timeforbedd · 08/12/2022 20:18

Thanks all for the responses.

The issue isn't the watching porn! I couldn't care less about that! The issue is the lying. I trust him 100% and the fact that he's now lying has hurt me as I don't think he's ever lied to me before.

It's not about controlling him, questioning him etc.

He stated before he doesn't watch porn so I simply asked "when" as he told me he doesn't watch it.

I wasn't interrogating him or anything! So those of you who are turning it round & making out I was then have taken this completely the wrong way.

It's the lies I'm pissed odd about as could only have been him!

You pushed him into that lie. If the porn isn't an issue, as you claim - why did you ask about it? Don't ask about it then do the "It's the lies I can't stand" routine when he doesn't fess up.

I think a lot of issues could be avoided if people thought things through a bit more before they asked questions. Also, accept that we all have little things that we'd rather keep to ourselves - just out of embarrassment more than anything else. We're all a bit flawed and a lot of us would rather keep some of those flaws to ourselves - and we'd like our other half to pretend not to notice when we accidentally leave evidence of them lying around.

You have no little secrets at all? None?

MoaningMyrtle202 · 08/12/2022 20:35

This is the exact reason why I don’t hand my phone to ANYBODY!! Not even my DP.

and no I don’t even watch porn or anything particularly juicy. But if I want to Google ‘can dogs drive cars’ or ‘how to dye my fanny hair electric pink’ or whatever nonsense pops into my head then I want to do so without being questioned.

True privacy is being able to have your own personal space, private thoughts, pondering weirdness and just being without it being observed/speculated about.

If I was your DP I’d lock my phone asap and have a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy about it.

If there’s no concerns regarding fidelity/porn then he has a right to privacy and freedom of thought online without anyone else knowing/questioning/wondering. So do you. We have a right to our own minds.

Stressedmum2017 · 08/12/2022 20:37

Has he logged in to any of the kids or anyone else's devices with his Google account I did this on my sons phone and then didn't realise for a while that we were getting each others search history.

Just throwing that out there but probably he's just lied as he thought he was gonna be had a go at and then is just sticking to it. As they do.

DillyDallyPop · 08/12/2022 20:51

Prob just embarrassed rather than saying "oh well on Tuesday at 5:30pm while you were peeling the spuds I had a little tug" 🤣

LimeTwists · 08/12/2022 20:53

Swearing on kid’s lives is utterly meaningless unless he’s so devoutly religious he believes that uttering this while lying means God will strike one of the children down dead.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 08/12/2022 20:57

If you're really not bothered about it, then he's obviously felt embarrassed and is now doubling down on his lie.

I wouldn't want someone looking at my search history and questioning me about it no matter what was on it, so it's understandable. If they asked me about something embarrassing, I'd be mortified.

999caffeineplease · 08/12/2022 21:00

Could it be possible he’s watched something illegally, like a sport (World Cup, UFC, etc)?

Sometimes illegal streaming sites cause questionable pop ups that will show up in a history.

RandomPerson42 · 08/12/2022 21:01

He’s bound to say he wasn’t as many women look down on it for obvious reasons - what did you expect him to say? You were unreasonable to even ask imho. so he lied because you asked a dumb question.

999caffeineplease · 08/12/2022 21:02

Wait - actual Google search history is different to normal history so just ignore me.

Sounds like he felt embarrassed.

ComfortablyDazed · 08/12/2022 21:05

If the issue isn’t him watching porn (it so very clearly is the issue), then don’t ask him about watching it.

He’s entitled to privacy - for God’s sake, give it to him.

I honestly can’t even get my head around asking him about it.

I can imagine being unexpectedly asked about something I’d looked at that I thought was entirely private, and not giving an honest response.

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