What do I do? Saw something on dh phone

[saturnsring]

I was using dh phone to find an email (not fishing - we use each others phones often and know each others password).

I saw on his previous list of opened tabs that his App Store was open on a dating app. When I dug deeper I could see the app or anything like it hadn't been downloaded but he still must have searched for it for it to be there surely?

I don't know what to think. Our sex life isn't great. He has ED issues and takes viagra. Things between us are quite scheduled and vanilla, not at all spontaneous but I thought that was down to his issues. If he's searching for this stuff what the hell is going on? Do I confront him?

We have a young baby and haven't been getting on brilliantly lately. Both tired and stressed. I don't know what to think.

Did you see if he had set up a profile or was it just the site?

Are you sure it wasn’t a an advertisement or a “promoted” app? I get dating apps at the top of my App Store all the time despite having none installed.

Could easily have clicked on an ad by accident, either from a website or another app. If you’ve no concerns otherwise I wouldn’t stress too much over it.

He hadn't downloaded it. I looked through all his list of apps which dates back years and there was nothing on there like this. I don't know about a profile or anything else. All I saw was the tab open on this particular app. It was the page that you'd be on if you had searched 'dating apps' or something then clicked on one to look at before you hit download.

Things aren't great between us and our sex life has always been a bone of contention between us. I feel like he's never been open or honest about things but I put it down to embarrassment about his ED. I don't know whether to say something or not. I took a photo of the screen so that when he inevitably denies it I can show him what I saw.

Was it really well known site like tinder or a less popular one that isn't known, just a thought as I work with teens, if I hear them mention using an app I'll often search app store/Google to read the info and find out what it is so I'm clued up and aware of what they can access (moreso who can access them) on games etc also just out of curiosity, could it be something like that. If you have no other concerns it could be nothing.

I'm a gay woman, and somehow this morning ended up with a faceful of men in very little underwear having a great time. It's very easy to click on things accidentally.

If it was an open tab though on a browser you should be able to look at the history to see if there was a Google search though.

Was it very obviously a dating app? As he hadn't downloaded, could he have clicked on it, mistaking it for something else he was looking for? Or clicked on something accidently on a webpage which automatically opened the app store. That has happened to me before.

If you are concerned, and you have access to each others devices, I would just keep an eye out for now.

Could have been a mistake or he could have genuinely been considering downloading it and then changed his mind. I would not get too worried at this point thought OP.

I think you have bigger problems to discuss and chat through like grown ups than worry about something very tiny like this. If you love him and you want to make it work don't confront him , sit down like adults and chat through your issues.

It was very clearly a dating app. It said something like anonymous dating hookups. I don't believe for a second he would be looking at meeting anyone but maybe he was thinking about messaging or something. I don't want to go in guns blazing and look like I'm accusing him but I think the ad thing is improbable. It definitely looked like something that had come up after a search.

So what you've actually found is that he HASN'T downloaded a dating app, but might have searched for it? I don't really get why searching for something is such a deal-breaker. My own search history would paint quite the picture if you thought it meant anything, because I search random shit out of curiosity 100 times a day.

However it does sound like there are larger issues in your relationship. But this non-thing shouldn't be the trigger to communicate about the stress, the ED and your sex life.

If he hasn't downloaded anything I don't see the problem? I get all sorts of nonsense pop up in the App Store.

So at worst he may have just clicked on it from idle curiosity and nothing more.

I don't think you need to worry, and god knows MN would be the very first place a DH would be accused of playing away on the thinnest of evidence.

The issue I guess is the intent behind it. Why would you search for a dating app when you're married? Yeah he didn't download it this time but it's clearly something on his mind.

It doesn't help that we do have issues in our sex life (which I've tried to communicate with him about many times to no avail) and that right now we aren't getting on well and I feel shit about my post baby body. There's a lot going on I know.

Honestly it could easily be an add that's popped up when using another app and he's accidentally clicked it. This would open the app's page in the app store. My kids do this all the time when I let them play games on my phone and they accidentally click the add. If dh accused me of cheating everytime there was a random app open in the app store we'd have been divorced years ago

Not much point him using a dating app if he can't muster an erection.

I search and look at dating apps because I'm curious about how they work. Nothing more to it. Even downloaded some, poked around, deleted them.

You can't police someone's intent though. Maybe he had a thought about an anonymous hookup. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was an accident. You can't know or control what was in his mind. The point is that even if he had that thought, he stopped himself before even downloading the app.

And the larger point is that it's all the other stuff, the "a lot going on", that needs addressing. If you want to stay together it needs addressing from a place of compassion (especially if ED is a big elephant in the room), not confrontation. I suppose that if you're not bothered about staying together, confront away.

More likely just can't muster an erection with me. Am drip feeding now but he has a particular kink that I only know about from his Google search history (again stumbled on by accident) years ago in the early days of our relationship. It's something he's always been quite guarded about and not something we've done together although have watched videos (it did absolutely nothing for me but didn't disgust me or anything).

So part of me wonders if he's looking for like minded people to chat about that with. It's nothing majorly taboo or wild.

Does he play games on his phone? I have a couple of games and they show you ads for apps every few mins. I am forever being brought to the app in my the Playstore when I am trying to close the ad.

OP are you ignoring everyone saying it could be an accidental click from an ad? I've literally done this this morning from a popup which opened up my ad store. It seems like you're determined to think the worst.

I'm not ignoring it. In fact you have all calmed me down a lot. I would have probably confronted him when he got home. I appreciate it but I admit I am thinking the worst because of the other issues going on.

Even if you're assuming the worst at least credit him with hiding it better if it was that. You share phones after all.

Did it have a little cloud and arrow assuming iphone of course, which could indicate he had downloaded at some stage? If not then I'd not worry but I'd ask him to start a sex conversation maybe?

No it didn't have the little cloud and when I looked through his list of all apps ever downloaded there was nothing dodgy there which is a good thing I guess.

He isn't very tech savvy. Probably wouldn't occur to him to blame an ad which is why I felt like asking him to see his response. Maybe best not to at this stage though.

It could easily be a pop up ad if it isn't a well known site.

If it was in his browser then it probably wasn't even the real app store. Screams dodgy scam ad to me