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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eastern European stag do help

31 replies

Treely912 · 07/12/2022 17:19

So I found out a while ago that my husband went to a lap dancing club twice on two separate stag dos and had private lap dances both times which i wasn’t happy about. He’s now told me he has another stag do in an Eastern European city and I can’t help but worry. He’s told me he wouldn’t have a private dance. Help!? What would you do?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2022 17:20

YANBU to not be happy with that

YABU to stay with him after it happened the second time

Footballmyarse · 07/12/2022 17:25

He’s got away with it twice, why wouldn’t he do it again? He just won’t tell you this time.

Did he know it’s something that you don’t like?

AnyFucker · 07/12/2022 17:27

Third time lucky for him 👀

MrNook · 07/12/2022 17:29

What would you do? Get some some self respect and leave

Suprima · 07/12/2022 17:29

your husband has paid naked young women to massage his penis with their arsecheeks

and some how you don’t see this as cheating…?

i avoid men who support the sex industry like the plague, so my advice would be to leave him and find someone who isn’t a complete lowlife

WhatASmashingBlouseYouHaveOn · 07/12/2022 17:32

Thing is, he will have a private dance again. Consider his actions versus what he tells you. He's just telling you what you want to hear. Sorry OP he's just the type of person who does enjoy that sort of thing. I wouldn't like it either.

Burnamer · 07/12/2022 17:35

I wouldn’t do anything.
If I was you I would figure out where my line is, tell him that and then figure out if I trusted him to respect it.

You can only control your own actions.

Original poster
Treely912 · 07/12/2022 18:05

He claimed to have thought that I wouldn’t be bothered about a private dance which I find hard to believe.

OP posts:
Cheesuswithallama · 07/12/2022 18:07

Your problem is not which are of Europe he is going to...

SummaLuvin · 07/12/2022 18:09

if you don't trust your husband to respect your wishes, you have bigger issues than the stag do

Original poster
Treely912 · 07/12/2022 18:11

They haven’t booked it yet. I’m worried because I know the lapdancing clubs are a lot less regulated abroad.

OP posts:
Burnamer · 07/12/2022 18:13

The point is that you need to trust him to regulate himself. If you can’t trust him to stick to limits that you’re ok with then the local laws won’t help you.

quokka5 · 07/12/2022 18:19

I'd ask him not to go on the stag do. If he still goes then that's a big red flag. A married man should not be behaving like this.

Footballmyarse · 07/12/2022 18:37

Treely912 · 07/12/2022 18:11

They haven’t booked it yet. I’m worried because I know the lapdancing clubs are a lot less regulated abroad.

Well, that’s why they go to these places.

It‘s not for the culture or sightseeing!

bridgetreilly · 07/12/2022 18:38

He can’t go. That’s it.

Isithotinhere · 07/12/2022 18:39

I think telling him you don't want him to go as you don't trust him is the best bet

He's engaged with a sex worker twice before on eastern European stags, so you not be in any way controlling if you told him you were not happy with him going.

How did you find out about the other two lap dances?

And have you taken an STD test just in case?

DrManhattan · 07/12/2022 19:23

He's totally going to go again, as no consequence for him when he's done it before.
Make sure you get yourself checked out. It's so gross and would be a deal breaker for me. The first time..

GaggleOfSwans · 07/12/2022 19:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CloudPop · 07/12/2022 20:03

Treely912 · 07/12/2022 18:11

They haven’t booked it yet. I’m worried because I know the lapdancing clubs are a lot less regulated abroad.

I really don't think that regulation of lapdancing clubs in Eastern Europe is your actual issue here

Is your concern that he is usually 100% faithful and dedicated until he finds himself in an Eastern European lap dancing club, where the lack of regulations just throw him off track?

NameIsBryceQuinlan · 07/12/2022 20:24

It shouldn't be about him promising not to... It's about why he would want this.... It's gross

Bintymcbintface · 07/12/2022 20:30

bridgetreilly · 07/12/2022 18:38

He can’t go. That’s it.

You can't really tell a grown man that he's not allowed to do something though can you, bit controlling

Shade17 · 07/12/2022 21:04

One thing I know about Eastern European lap dancing clubs is that anything goes if you’re willing to pay. Touching the dancers is pretty much standard.

dolor · 07/12/2022 21:08

Where is the guillotine emoji?

Cheesuswithallama · 07/12/2022 21:17

Surprising knowledge about strip clubs and surrounding laws in 12+ countries (depends what one considers EE). Impressive.

The problem isn't where he is going. The problem.is OP is yet another poster tolerating shite

Stressedmum2017 · 07/12/2022 21:20

Well if you won't leave him make sure he gets his results from the clinic before you touch him again.

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