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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ever so slightly tired of secret santa!

53 replies

WinterLobelia · 07/12/2022 07:11

Particularly at the moment with the cost of living and all that.

I have just counted up the secret santas (workplaces for DH and I; school class; hobby groups for DCs etc etc) that my family are being asked to participate in and it amounts to about 8 requests with an upper limit 'suggested' of around £10 per request in total.

I can afford it (through gritted teeth as I don't particularly want to piss £80 away) but there are people who cannot. I and another colleague have already offered to purchase a mutual colleague's secret santa gift on her behalf as she was in tears about a workplace one. (opting out is technically an option, but our workplace is fairly toxic and she would be targeted if she is not seen to participate).

Surely with the cost of living crisis that we are all in right now there is a little more understanding that it might 'just' be a tenner but it is too much for many? Not least when you add it to everything else.

(Don't get me started on the secret santa plan for the DCs class. I feel we have to participate in this otherwise my children will feel mortified to not be able to put their gift in. Again it is a school where most likely everyone can afford it, but I certainly don't assume this.).

Just venting, and I am sure I am not BU! (Although possibly very grinch-like)

OP posts:
Feelallright · 07/12/2022 10:24

It also spoils it for everyone if there’s a money limit and some people decide to spend more than that -a few pence over is OK but not pounds.

Namechangeforthis88 · 07/12/2022 10:37

KimberleyClark · 07/12/2022 10:21

Some people are a bit funny about home made edible gifts.

Show quote history

Yeah well, that's their problem, we all get stuff out of secret santa we don't want. If it speeds up the death of secret santa (as a concept), so much the better.

Falalalalaaah · 07/12/2022 10:41

We do secret Santa among family but I am not buying any other presents this year. I think you maybe do too many. We don't have one at work which I'm grateful for. Neither does DH. I think people should be a bit more understanding at the moment. People don't want to be buying presents for people they barely know at work. Especially when the gifts you give and receive can sometimes miss the mark. In previous jobs, I've seen a lot of joke gifts to get a laugh which is all fine except it's a bit of a waste as the thing won't get used

Falalalalaaah · 07/12/2022 10:41

Sorry yanbu

xogossipgirlxo · 07/12/2022 10:44

I hit YANBU.

  1. I hate surprises from people who don't know you at all. You end up with some tat that you can't eat/drink.
  2. I'd rather spend tenner on coffee out with my husband (yes, I'm this boring 😆). Or buying myself something nice, like bath salts or bottle of Irish Cream (maybe not now as I'm pregnant, but nice to know it's there 😂).

Luckily my current work doesn't do SS. Directors hand out wine/prosecco to all employees before we break off for Christmas.

Judgyjudgy · 07/12/2022 10:49

I love secret Santa, but that is alot so I get where you're coming from

luckylavender · 07/12/2022 10:50

Muniononion · 07/12/2022 07:22

Just make gifts. Edible ones are absolute best. Chilli sauce, Irish cream, or something fun and little like candles or Christmas decorations. Make a production line. Good luck, and next year put your foot down and say no!

Lots of people won't eat edibles made by other people. Mumsnet full of tales.

user1471538283 · 07/12/2022 10:56

When my DS was at school the class secret Santa was quite fun but the upper limit was £5. As he got older, he chose what to get and it was cheaper than that.

At work we used to have a £10 Secret Santa, two team Christmas meals (with drinks) at a restaurant and a Christmas meal at the work canteen. I was amazed at the amount of senior managers who didn't understand that not everyone could afford all of it!

I no longer do any of it or contribute to leaving gifts unless I really know the person or give to charity at work.

This all needs to be knocked on the head. It is so stressful for everyone.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 07/12/2022 10:57

To me, secret santa only works if you would be buying a gift for one or more of the group participating.
In my family the adults do a secret santa. We all used to buy each other gifts and this is a way we all still get a gift but spend less.
I would never buy my work colleagues a gift for Christmas so to me it's odd to spend money buying a gift for one of them, so I don't join in that one.
School classroom, I'm not sure, might have been better for them to spend time doing crafts and making something!

F4chrissakes · 07/12/2022 12:52

I think I am related to Scrooge/the Grinch but.......to me Christmas nowadays is all about people who don't have the money buying a load of crap for people they don't care about, just because it's the "done" thing. Even worse this year when some of us are seriously skint. So I agree with you, Secret Santa is a pain in the arse. Fortunately for me, I am in a position where I don't have to partake any more.

Original poster
WinterLobelia · 07/12/2022 12:54

Namechangeforthis88 · 07/12/2022 09:56

Thank goodness I have had two workplaces where someone had the ovaries to say they did not feel comfortable with doing a secret santa as it can be wasteful.

In one case it was diverted to a local radio Christmas Mission where you buy something for a child who might otherwise get little or nothing (they suggest gifts for different age ranges). That ended up being a whole building collection so multiple secret santas were diverted.

In another work place a boss enthusiastically suggested, a lone voice spoke up (not me!) and we ended up agreeing to donate to a food bank.

In both cases there was no monitoring who had contributed.

Oh I love this idea.

OP posts:
TheLeadbetterLife · 07/12/2022 12:59

Secret Santa is a pain in the arse. I can't understand why it's necessary to exchange any gifts with work colleagues. It's a meaningless chore.

All that's needed for a bit of festive cheer at work is a few drinks and nibbles, or a lunch out.

Needmorelego · 07/12/2022 15:25

@TheLeadbetterLife the thing is I wouldn't really want "drinks and nibbles" or a lunch out.
This is the thing.... everyone is different. If people don't want to do Secret Santa then just don't join in.

TheLeadbetterLife · 07/12/2022 15:28

Why would you want to exchange gifts with people you wouldn't even have a drink with? Exchanging gifts is an even more personal / social activity than a lunchtime mingle.

GaggleOfSwans · 07/12/2022 15:40

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LlynTegid · 07/12/2022 15:43

I'm with the donations to charity instead.

LlynTegid · 07/12/2022 15:44

@GaggleOfSwans finances should be private if people choose.

Feelallright · 07/12/2022 15:48

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That’s not true, though.
91% of people say their costs have gone up.
86% say they are concerned.
54% say they are very concerned.

GaggleOfSwans · 07/12/2022 15:50

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Feelallright · 07/12/2022 16:29

Well, if you don’t know a single person who has had to cut back, I think you must move in some unusual circles.

GaggleOfSwans · 07/12/2022 16:31

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Annonymiss123 · 07/12/2022 16:35

NotSorry · 07/12/2022 08:00

I hate Secret Santa. We have a work one too and people just buy tat that goes in landfill because “it’s hilarious”. Confused

Same here. Not everyone goes for the "joke" gift but one person got a loo brush a few years ago (the giver thinks they're hilarious) at the same time that another colleague got a gorgeous pair of gloves.
I HATE secret Santa!

Needmorelego · 07/12/2022 16:36

@TheLeadbetterLife I'm not why if I "wouldn't have a drink " with someone I don't like them enough to want to give them a christmas gift. "Drinks" usually means alcohol. I don't drink alcohol and I don't particularly enjoy the pub/bar environment. As for lunch out it depends what you mean by "lunch out". If it's a formal christmas meal type thing then I simply wouldn't enjoy that either. If it's pizza express or similar then I might I suppose.
However getting a £5 treat (ie a box of chocolates or a christmasy novel or a tree decoration or whatever) I would enjoy.

PollyAmour · 07/12/2022 16:39

Instead of Secret Santa this year at work, we're all being asked to bring in a luxury food item which will all be donated to the local food bank. I think this is a nice idea, so those using the food bank can have something a bit special over the festive season.

Needmorelego · 07/12/2022 16:44

I think the best thing for a group doing Secret Santa rules need to be made. No 'joke' gifts is the obvious one.
It should be made strict that it has to be an actual proper gift. Not something stupid.

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