AIBU to lose hope for my future children?

[DebatingMumhood]

I want to have a baby, but don’t think I can handle it in this day and age. I feel it will be such a struggle to keep them away from screens while their minds are developing. When I was a child, my family had a TV but there would rarely be anything interesting on. So I was forced to make my own fun reading, drawing, and playing outside with friends. Nowadays it seems much more difficult to encourage your children to have healthy hobbies. And it’s more dangerous to leave them alone with other children. Child-on-child sexual abuse has increased exponentially due to access to pornography. And bullies are armed with high-def cameras. I want a baby but honestly think it’s unlikely they’ll be able to lead a happy life in these conditions and don’t know if I can handle the heartbreak. AIBU to feel this way?

I’m old-fashioned and not a fan of screen time for kids - but I’ve had to be realistic with mine. The internet and screens are part of our lives now, like it or not, and it’s just another parenting challenge to try to get the balance right. Kids are going to have to be adept at using technology to keep up educationally and socially. Both my kids have access to screens, one isn’t bothered and spends hours drawing, playing musical instruments etc; the other loves games and YouTube and has ambitions to be a games designer. They’re both lovely, kind, funny kids who are doing well at school.
My biggest worry for my kids isn’t screen time or abuse (which I don’t believe is more common than it used to be - I think we just hear more about it), but climate change and what kind of world they’ll grow up in, wars, famines, hardship. I love them immeasurably and can’t imagine life without them, but sometimes l do feel guilty about bringing them into the world.

I have hugely happy dc who spend a massive amount of time outdoors. They also watch screens. It's not a huge problem if you monitor and manage. You're catastrophising!

Their childhoods will be what you make it OP. My 3 are home educated, we have no TV (but a DVD player with a collection of beautiful films, ballets, nature documentaries etc), we live in the countryside (in a very shabby small house), they are outside everyday, have lots of friends, they love books, history, nature, art, music. We play lots of classical and Celtic and folk music and they have a big collection of dressing up, instruments and they play and play and play. They are really happy kids and make friends easily and are all starting to really get their own individual passions, hobbies and interests. They have no clue at all about any of the junky pop culture that many kids are exposed to; their lives are filled up with nature, myths and tables, traditions, family and friends, history, books, legends and a lot of imagination. You, the parent, are gatekeeper of what you fill these early years up with. The default is crap, you can build something better!

If it helps, it was far more polluted in the past. Your kids won’t grow up surrounded by coal smoke, won’t play with toys covered with lead paint and are likely to have a more nutritious diet.

❤️❤️❤️

How old are you? I remember watching loads of telly as a preschooler and spent every evening after school on msn/myspace. Yes I am here on mumsnet now, so it has somewhat continued, but I am a functioning and contributing member of society who is very stable. As a parent you put in the necessary controls and educate your children about safety along the way. I voted YABU but I still think you shouldn’t have kids right now if you’re already this anxious at this point.

Also you’ll probably homeschool if you really want to be screen free (I’m sure that’s very tricky, screen/internet free homeschool!). They start using screens in reception.
They also do a shit ton of forest school, free play, sensory play, gardening club, our school even has a bloody ecotherapist.

My daughter spends all her free time on a livery yard with friends looking after and riding her ponies. I think she has a nice childhood despite screens.

My Dd and Ds make their living online. A lot of my work is online.
i remember as a child having no tv and having to entertain myself and not having answers to stuff or being able to understand homework and not being able to at the click of a button access help
It was Shit.

If I had access to the internet when I was younger my life would have been very different.

Why would you want to keep children from being able to access knowledge.

I learned more through watching tv than I did through school and I have learned more through the phone in my hand than I did through the first 45 years of my life.
Life had moved on.

The rest is called parenting.

My teens are well adjusted and interesting despite access to screens. They are both sporty and went to a school where phones cannot be used during the day.

DS2 (aged 15) and I have long discussions about some of the things he watches - recent discussions have included men’s mental health, equality and critical assessment of claims made on social media eg comparing TikTok claims with academic research or government stats.

Children need to be able to navigate the online world and it is my job to help them evaluate what they are watching critically rather than blindly accepting it. It’s made for some really interesting debates.

There is also some superb content available online including excellent science content. Things like the Khan Academy have been great for helping with maths for example.

As a parent you have to engage with the world as it is. So when my DC were young I did all the days out, picnics, playing in the park etc etc. Now they are older I chat to them about xBox games, go and watch Marvel movies, chat on WhatsApp - I operate on their terms to some extent. I would much prefer to have channels of communication that work for my teens than to try to impose something that doesn’t work for them.