Christmas bonus irritation

[ABigSalad123]

A relative started telling me today how they were worried they wouldn’t get a Christmas bonus this year, or if they did, that it wouldn’t be very large. They got a very large Christmas bonus last year and told everyone they know exactly how much they got. I don’t think they meant to do it in a braggy way - just more in a proud way.

When they were worried this time around, I tried to reassure them by sympathising with them and also suggesting they just wait and see what happens.

Privately though, I feel a bit frustrated and upset, because they’re on twice my salary and I’m not in an industry that gives bonuses. I got given a small pay rise this year and will get one next year as part of a multi-year pay deal, which I’m grateful for, but it’s unlikely that my pay will keep up with inflation in any way (as I know is also the case for many people on here.)

AIBU to feel like I’m not the right audience for Christmas bonus venting??

I don't know anyone who gets bonuses so I imagine many people who are friends of this person feel the same as you. However I understand that those who do get bonuses have it as part of their package? So rely on it. Even if they earn double yours that may also mean they have double the financial responsibilities.

They don’t have any financial responsibilities atm really as they are single and don’t have kids. I think I found it really insensitive when they were telling me about their bonus because it tends to be double their regular salary (which is already good) and it just felt like they weren’t showing any understanding of my financial situation.

I think that anyone talking about finances always rattles the cage somewhat as everyone’s situation is so different it’s difficult not to compare

That said, I work in an industry where bonuses are normal and expected and if they’re cut, it’s a big deal. I know a bonus should be literally a bonus but in lots of industries it’s pretty standard and people earmark them so not receiving one can be a shock

i don’t think discussing money ever results in anything good really

And this is why I don't talk about money!

Single childless people have financial responsibility wtf

I don't blame you op, I wouldn't want to hear it either.
I had to sit at work listening to my team discuss their bonuses and payrise whilst I'm one level below theirs with 25+ years experience. My level haven't had a payrise (despite company promises) for 4 years and don't get a bonus.
I work in the rail industry

sorry to hear this hit a nerve, finances can be hit or miss depending on audience. Although a bonus should be seen as that 'a bonus', realistically it has become a payment that many who get one rely on. It is something that is factored in when accepting a job that the bonus is part of the package that is your annual salary so to not be guaranteed what you had been promised/offered can be disappointing. It sounds like this relative wasn't thinking when they spoke about this to you, I would be honest and say that as you don't get a bonus you cannot relate.

Apologies for the poor wording in my message @1smallhamsterfoot but what I meant was this relative doesn’t really have any financial responsibilities anyway (rents a room below market rate), and in addition, doesn’t have kids, so doesn’t have the financial responsibilities relating to that.

A side note, being single and child-free does not equate to having no financial responsibilities.

they have a right to feel aggrieved but equally I think people should know their audience before having a whinge

They don’t have any financial responsibilities atm really as they are single and don’t have kids.

Your relative was being a bit insensitive, but no more so than you.

I mean you're not being unreasonable to not want to hear it, and perhaps you should have said that to them.

But would you could have someone listening to you talk about your mini pay rise this year and next year not keeping up with inflation who's on a lower salary than you and getting zero pay rise - thinking you're being insensitive for mentioning this.

There's always someone worse off with different worries, if it's a relative talking to you then I'd think perhaps they thought you'd be a good person they could have a moan to.

I think OP worded that wrongly about the relative not having kids/ a lot of expenses.

I get it, my sister used to get paid a LOT more than me and used to rub it in my face on purpose. I was very jealous!!

Yes, people are a little insensitive sometimes in what they say to whom.
No big deal. Put it under your hat and move on.

I feel like this as I don’t get a Christmas bonus; now when people talk about theirs I make a joke along the lines of at my work if you work really hard and get all your work done really well then the only reward I get is more work

Sorry OP, you had the temerity to word your post slightly wrong. And now that is all anyone will focus on. YANBU btw, next time they bring it up, just shrug and say we all have our worries eh?

Thanks ❤️

Thanks ❤️

No they don't have you not heard?

No financial responsibility, no idea what its like to be a real grown up, no right to complain about anything ever - and from earlier today no right to the christmas holidays they want lest a fertile person need it more.

childless people really are second class citizens today on MN

Also I'm sorry but this is twice in one day we've had "oh I didn't mean that, poor wording" here

Yes you did mean that, because you think that, you're just mortified it slipped out and you've been called out on it.

@MXVIT could I direct you to my latest post, where I correct my initial wording on this? Apologies for causing offence, and I’ve now clarified I worded my post wrongly.

and may I direct you to mine.

Thanks so much to PP for supportive messages and apologies to anyone who I’ve offended with my clumsy wording (which I’ve clarified in a later post).

@MXVIT sorry I’m not sure what you mean. All I’m seeing is your post where you criticise my original post.

If they don't have any financial responsibilities, why are they worried? And why are you doing faux sympathy? Just tell them you'd love to have their income and why are they whinging to you