Christmas bonus irritation

[ABigSalad123]

A relative started telling me today how they were worried they wouldn’t get a Christmas bonus this year, or if they did, that it wouldn’t be very large. They got a very large Christmas bonus last year and told everyone they know exactly how much they got. I don’t think they meant to do it in a braggy way - just more in a proud way.

When they were worried this time around, I tried to reassure them by sympathising with them and also suggesting they just wait and see what happens.

Privately though, I feel a bit frustrated and upset, because they’re on twice my salary and I’m not in an industry that gives bonuses. I got given a small pay rise this year and will get one next year as part of a multi-year pay deal, which I’m grateful for, but it’s unlikely that my pay will keep up with inflation in any way (as I know is also the case for many people on here.)

AIBU to feel like I’m not the right audience for Christmas bonus venting??

@ABigSalad123 here

Well I’m barren so I have no bills no debts no costs at all it’s great

@MXVIT I didn’t mean it and have apologised a couple of times for it now. I’m not really sure what more I can do to apologise for it. And I’m also single and have no children, for info.

@1smallhamsterfoot I’m sorry for my initial message.

Oh ffs, knock it off MXVIT. She's apologised several times and clarified she meant this person doesn't have the same amount of financial pressure on her by a country mile.** You're continued nitpicking is derailing the thread and making you look obtuse.

in my industry your annual salary is something like 80% paid out in monthly chunks, and 20% is paid out as your "bonus" and the actual size of the bonus (which is 20% or so of your actual negotiated and agreed salary, so not really a bonus) is also affected by some KPIs, some achieved as a team, and some according to your personal evaluation.

So while people may be irritated that they have a) high salaries and b) bonuses, it isn't always as simple as that

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

For a lot of people, the bonus is just a part of the salary that's postponed to the end of the year. I am supposed to get at least 15 percent of my salary as a bonus, with a component of that based on how much I earn for the company. If I still perform and generate the same amount as usual, but my employer decides to give me just e.g. 5 percent bonus, I would certainly be pissed off and would probably find a way to leave. Because it would be the equivalent to taking a pay cut. So your relative isnt necessarily being unreasonable for focusing on the bonus, especially if the industry has bonuses tied to salary like that.

But salary conversations rarely end well so you are both being unreasonable in that regard. Plus comparing salaries across industries is like comparing apples and oranges so all a bit pointless.

Exactly!

It is what it is.

You don't get one. She does. I get a bonus in may usually, it's not my fault you don't .. I'm not going to to refuse it in case I upset you and I don't think a friend means to rub it in.

It's not her fault you don't get one. It's different career choices and lifestyle.. as In you have a nice home and lovely kids. She rents a room and wastes money. You never know, you might be envious of her financial situation. And she might be envious of your lovely family. We always want what we can't have

You are staggeringly missing the point. Where did you read the OP wants her relative to turn down their bonus in solidarity of her lower wage? Who do you think would expect you to turn down your own bonus??? Lol. Her post was at best a mild whinge over them being tone deaf to her situation. That's "what it is"

@PlentyOFool well that's OPs situation.

A relative started telling me today

You should step in and say "I prefer not to discuss financial matters, can we talk about something else please"

They don’t have any financial responsibilities

What? None? Are they are child?

No Christmas bonus here, no payrise and in fact a pay cut as I'm returning to work after maternity part time on Monday. I'm civil service

I would feel miffed listening to your friend moan and tell him to bog off🤣

Problem with some posts on MN at the moment (like this one) is whilst there is an awful cost of living crisis happening, no one is permitted to be annoyed without someone coming along and claiming they’re worse off and it’s ‘insensitive’.

It’s all relative. This person earns more than you, some will earn more than them. Not everything is about you. The other person is entitled to a salary and be annoyed about their bonus for whatever reason. Maybe they want to save for a deposit so they’re not in the house share you describe. Maybe they’re saving up to leave for another job they love and gets paid less. Maybe they are worried there’ll be no state pension and maybe they just want a pair of Jimmy Choo’s.

I work in a highly paid field and headcount freezes are already in place. There are about to massive layoffs. I think your relative is concerned about being laid off, rather than the size of their bonus.

Insecurity means many people talk about the money when that’s not actually what they are concerned about. It’s massively disruptive to work in an industry that has these swings in employment. Averaged out, income isn’t anything massive, but it messes with people’s heads when they make ££££ one year and next to nothing the following year. It’s beyond your control and the slim years see you work harder than the ££££ years.

Your relative was rude to discuss money with you when they should be aware that they make so much more than you.

No one cares about your feelings.

Regardless of the amount or not, given how many people are struggling to pay for things such as food and energy, not something I think even to mention.

Yanbu I think I'd be saying at least they get a bonus! I don't get a bonus either (or an Xmas do unless we sort it out and pay for it ourselves)

Problem with some posts on MN at the moment (like this one) is whilst there is an awful cost of living crisis happening, no one is permitted to be annoyed without someone coming along and claiming they’re worse off and it’s ‘insensitive’.

yeah, time to dust off the links to all the articles about The Fallacy Of Relative Privation which means that, taken to its logical conclusion, the only person in the world who is ever allowed to moan about anything is the person in the world who has it the absolute worst. Clue: there is a vanishingly miniscule likliehood that it is anyone who has access to MN.

Well, peeps. Take yourselves home. Whoever the fuck that was has sorted it out for our uppity selves. Much obliged etc, when are we allowed back on the internet?

oh bog off. You can see it clearly IS ok to moan about not getting a bonus, getting a smaller bonus than expected, being really sort of cash and your diamond shoes hurting.

The point of reminding everyone of the fallacy of relative privation, in case it was too difficult to work out is that it is OK to complain about your own circumstances, even when privileged, because otherwise nobody except that one person would be allowed to moan.

HTH

DH got £100 Christmas bonus last year which was amazing as we used it to buy fun food and Xmas present and petrol for in-laws who we were staying with. His firm said no bonus this year. I know £100 doesn't sound much to your friend but it was alot to us so agree. However if she used to that amount and budgets for it I bet it a shock. Be a nice friend here and smile and listen x

Bonuses are part of the package when u take the job there not an extra or a freebie
so basically he’s thinks he’s may not get a chunk of his earnings this year

I don’t think anyone would be happy at that