I have a 4 months old DS who I adore but I am so not good enough for him. I have problems with alcohol and got drunk on Saturday (I was away from him not minding DS). My family said they are all really worried about me, as I ended up spilling how I actually feel.
With drink if I start I do not know where to stop. So I normally don't drink but thought it would be fine. It was not.
I have PND and I thought I had been coping well. I am extremely isolated, my family live really far away and I have no friends, no social outlets, nothing. Some of it is my own fault. I got rid of my car and now with 2nd hand ones being so expensive I can't afford a new one. I am hoping to buy one after mat leave. My DH is wonderful, kind and caring but he isn't much for socialising these days. And is very happy to live in our small world
I just basically feel like DS would be so much better off without me. My thoughts went very very dark earlier but I do not believe I will do anything that stupid, one reason being that I read it will have major impacts on DS/ DH when I want to help them not hurt them. But I was then looking up moving to a Scottish Island where I can't do any damage to DS and could send money and see him on holidays.
My family/ DH have said reach out when I need support but if I tell them how I feel I think they will be so worried.
IDK what my AIBU is, I guess AIBU that I am not good enough for DS?