Should I leave my DS

[nogoodmum]

I have a 4 months old DS who I adore but I am so not good enough for him. I have problems with alcohol and got drunk on Saturday (I was away from him not minding DS). My family said they are all really worried about me, as I ended up spilling how I actually feel.

With drink if I start I do not know where to stop. So I normally don't drink but thought it would be fine. It was not.

I have PND and I thought I had been coping well. I am extremely isolated, my family live really far away and I have no friends, no social outlets, nothing. Some of it is my own fault. I got rid of my car and now with 2nd hand ones being so expensive I can't afford a new one. I am hoping to buy one after mat leave. My DH is wonderful, kind and caring but he isn't much for socialising these days. And is very happy to live in our small world

I just basically feel like DS would be so much better off without me. My thoughts went very very dark earlier but I do not believe I will do anything that stupid, one reason being that I read it will have major impacts on DS/ DH when I want to help them not hurt them. But I was then looking up moving to a Scottish Island where I can't do any damage to DS and could send money and see him on holidays.

My family/ DH have said reach out when I need support but if I tell them how I feel I think they will be so worried.

IDK what my AIBU is, I guess AIBU that I am not good enough for DS?

I've been there. Please, please reach out to a friend, DH, GP, etc.

You are good enough. The fact you're asking whether you are shows you care about him, if that makes sense.

But you are good enough.

Go to the GP and contact Children’s Services. Listen to both and follow their advice. Get help as you clearly need it. They will support you to get better and keep your child. But only if you want to get better and only if you do what their elk you you need to do.

Yes, you are being unreasonable to think you are not good enough.

You very clearly need help though. Is there scope for you, DH and DS to move back closer to your family?

The very fact you're thinking this way shows how you want to do what is best for your DS. What's best is to have his Mum, and for you to feel better.

Hi OP

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's important you share how you're feeling with your husband and preferably a doctor.

Your son loves and needs you. Your husband loves you and cares for you.

PND is a real kicker but there is help out there. Please please please speak to someone.

Typos sorry. Should have written 'What they tell you you need to do'

But no, you shouldn't leave your child who you clearly love. You just need help and support.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We see that you are getting some wonderful support from other Mumsnetters which is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best,

MNHQ💐

Please go and see your GP OP and contact Alcoholics Anonymous. They will help you to be the mum you want to be and who your son needs. You sound like you have a great man there too.

I hope you can get the support you need.

You are mummy and that makes you good enough for your DS.

I spoke to DH at lunch, he works near by and came home. He gave me a big hug and said 'snap out of it' I know it's not that easy but he doesn't but he is in my corner. I have been to AA before but ever really stuck with it I am going to go back tonight.

Thanks for the kind words. I am feeling better now. It isn't possible to move closer to my home or at all. My DH is lucky that he will inherit a good family business.

On the surface my life looks great. I have fantastic husband, a beautiful healthy baby, we did the 'big wedding', out house isn't amazing but it is ours, we are not struggling financially, I have a good career. I have so much that so many people would love I don't know why I can't just be happy with it.

I have spent much of the last few years either pregnant (several mc) or ttc. Now I have a baby and I am considering leaving. DH said in no way would they be better without me.

I spent a lot of my life running from my problems (moving jobs even country!). I thought I dealt with them through counselling etc but they are back and my instinct is to run away.

Good luck, OP, and well done for facing up to your issues. Re AA, have a look to see whether they run a women's group locally- IME they tend to be really welcoming and there will be lots of people who have been where you are. Would suggest your GP and HV as well - what help are you getting for your PND.

I get it, OP. My DD is a year and I still often feel like running away.
I think you need to get on some meds as a matter of some urgency.
You are still eligible to be under perinatal mental health team care, so ring the midwives and ask about that.
Do you have something that's yours? For me, it's the gym.
Make a list, now, of 5 things that make you feel better and more stable. E.g. a chat with mum, watching a comedy show for half an hour, having a bath, eating a ready meal... keep it achievable and realistic. Make sure you do one of those things today.
Sending love, PND is the hardest thing.

OP, you sound like a great person and mum who loves her family. Please see your GP for some help, this difficult period will pass.

I've had multiple miscarriages and I ended up in a psychiatric unit after taking an overdose last year. It was a big turning point in my life finally getting help after struggling for so many years with depression.

The right people can help you and your baby and husband need you. Sending love and support xx

@ClemFandango1 I am taking anti depressants. I'm not sure if they are working or if the other general things I had done were making things better. I was going out for walks, talking to my mum most days. We live very rurally, the closest house is about a mile away and I don't know those people. It's a very closed off rural place, no one is rude/ mean to me but also no one is interested in making friends.

Before covid I worked in an office, we then went WFH and it will remain that way. So I can go one end of the week to the next without seeing anyone but DH.

I do know it won't be like this forever and I will be able to afford a car probably by mid next year. I can then take DS away for weekends down to my family. It's hard not to feel like this is forever when you are in the thick of it. I have been to a MH hospital before and it opened as much up as it helped heal! It was slap bang in the middle of the pandemic though so it was very strange, all therapy was done over zoom and spend most of the day either reading or smoking.

@elm26 I'm sorry you had mc's and ended up taking an o/d I hope you are in a better place now. I actually distinctly remember the first time I had such dark thoughts, I was 6 years old and holding a knife. I said to my uncle if I was braver I would stick it in my heart.

I'm so sorry you're struggling OP, if you'd like to PM I'm happy to chat to you for some company xx

OP call your health visitor and ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team and explain how you’re feeling.
Im also 4m post partum and they’ve been amazing in getting me the help and support I need to feel better. You won’t always feel this way and with the right support it will get better, reach out to them if you’re able.