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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Any CP social workers that can help me? They want to visit!

60 replies

PizzaHerbs · 05/12/2022 10:50

what Will they be looking for? What happens next? Anything I should know in advance?

OP posts:
Newwardrobe · 05/12/2022 16:29

Don't do anything, don't tidy up to a standard you wouldn't normally do. They need to see exactly how you live.

SlashBeef · 05/12/2022 16:29

Have you posted about this recently? About SS escalating from a child in need plan?

Proneu82 · 05/12/2022 16:30

SlashBeef · 05/12/2022 16:29

Have you posted about this recently? About SS escalating from a child in need plan?

Yes I wondered that.

Dreamwhisper · 05/12/2022 16:32

MillicentMold · 05/12/2022 16:15

Me too.

A poster comes on to ask for ideas how to prepare for a SW visit as there are concerns around neglect. Posters then fall over themselves to tell OP to clean up, make sure the Childrens rooms are comfy, make sure there is food in the cupboards blah blah… In effect giving her ideas how to dupe SS.

None of which is helpful for the children. It is far better for SW to visit the home exactly as it is and why concerns have been raised, in order to support the OP and make things better for the children.

There is good reason why concerns have been raised. Attempting to dupe SS only serves to place the children at risk of further neglect and harm.

I think it would probably be normal to have a tidy up if you knew someone was coming round, but I agree if you need to be told to make your DC's room nice or put food in your cupboards, you could probably use the support provided by SS in the first place.

I'm more open about this now but due to my DP's MH we were referred as part of his treatment process and once when he wasn't well. Each time SS have been absolutely fine and great and even if our house isn't a show home and is more typical of people who have 3 young children and work, they've clearly been able to see that the children are as they have put it, loved fed and cared for.

If you have something you feel like you need to hide, I would just be open. At the end of the day if your DC are living in an environment where it is apparent to the outside world that you may be struggling, it would be best for them to get that help. They're really not there to try and take your DC away.

CousinKrispy · 05/12/2022 16:38

Thank you for your very helpful post BertieBotts.

Dreamwhisper · 05/12/2022 16:43

@PizzaHerbs

Why do you think your house is messy? Would you say you have hoarding tendencies and find the idea of clearing out your home upsetting? Or do you want it to be clean and decluttered but you struggle to get on top of it for various reasons?

SpinningFloppa · 05/12/2022 16:44

The house absolutely does need to be clean, people will say ss don’t care about mess but trust me they do! They will check bedrooms (if you share with any of your children they will check your room) they may check fridge and cupboards and wardrobes however that never happened with me but I know someone it did happen to, bedrooms definitely will be checked

BertieBotts · 05/12/2022 16:48

I think some of these responses are pretty mean. As if nobody could ever need support or get things a bit wrong or be struggling, no, they must be a terrible parent who is trying to "dupe" social services.

There is a serious fear around social workers, especially when someone is struggling with things like mental health, disorganisation, single parenthood, unsupportive partner, poverty, addiction, etc etc. A real problem actually, where people don't seek help for issues like that because of the fear of losing their children, and those kinds of responses don't help. Some of them are essentially saying if you need support or pointers or advice (from an online forum or any other source), then you're not a fit parent and you don't deserve to have children. Sorry but that's just not true. It's a horrible, judgemental position. Not everybody automatically has the skills that you have, and if somebody is struggling to the extent that social work is involved then they might just be lacking in some of those basic skills but that doesn't make them a bad parent or a bad person.

Also, social workers aren't stupid - there was one who posted earlier in the thread who mentioned that she can always tell when somebody has "panic cleaned", my health visitor could tell the difference between my "clean" and someone who is actually on top of things' version of clean. They can make a judgement on whether somebody is actually coping or not. Sometimes that judgement will be wrong, because social workers are human (and overworked and underfunded) but that doesn't mean they are all totally stupid idiots that can be duped by advice on a forum.

It's not like people are giving advice to only beat the child with wet towels so the bruises don't show! Helpful, everyday, common sense advice like tidying up and having a daily routine are helpful - not assisting somebody in hiding abuse/neglect.

TolkiensFallow · 05/12/2022 16:52

I’m a social worker. I did a stint in CP but moved on.

My honest advice, they want you and your children to be happy and healthy. So talk to them when they come round, ask them questions and they’ll tell you why they are there. If you are honest with them, they might even be able to help you, that’s their aim.

LilyMumsnet · 05/12/2022 16:55

Hi all

We're receiving a lot of reports concerned about the nature of this thread. We're going to close it to new comments now, and take some time to read through it.

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