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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For feeling like DD would be better at nursery FT?

54 replies

Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 07:39

Feeling a bit low.

I am struggling with my two year old. She refuses to eat the food I make, she refuses her nap (but desperately needs it) so by the end of the day she’s ridiculously overtired and demanding.

Her night sleep is poor due to poor day sleep and hunger probably.

At nursery she eats brilliantly and naps for nearly two hours.

I feel like she’d be better at nursery five days a week as I know she’d be eating and sleeping properly. It’s really concerning me that she isn’t doing either with me.

OP posts:
Snnowflake · 05/12/2022 07:45

Perhaps nursery are making things sound better than they are. If they have many charges perhaps she isn’t as perfect as they claim or perhaps she does it because all the other children are.
do you sit and eat with her?

Twizbe · 05/12/2022 07:46

2 is a really hard age.

Nursery are able to get her to eat and sleep because of their routine and that everyone else is doing the same thing.

It's not a reflection on your parenting or anything you're doing wrong.

If it would help though, perhaps follow the nursery days routine when you're together. Have food at the time they do, go for sleeps the times they do. Also make sure you're eating with her at mealtimes.

Around 2.5/3 both mine started to drop their naps. While they would sleep at nursery they wouldn't always sleep at home. On those days we had quiet time instead where we'd sit and snuggle and watch a film. Sometimes they dozed off, sometimes they didn't, but they did rest.

MissMaple82 · 05/12/2022 07:47

Really? You can't honestly think this? And you can't honestly believe what you are told surely?

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 07:48

I don’t think for a minute they are trying to make me feel bad, I just get the app they use updated at the end of every day and she’s always eaten everything and napped well. At home it is a different story.

I don’t eat with her as she hates it - she has always been difficult about eating at home. She hates high chairs, have tried a couple of alternatives like booster seats and her own little table but she refuses to eat at the booster seat and at her table just keeps getting up and down all the time. Yesterday she ate a tiny lunch and completely refused her dinner, same on Saturday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 07:50

I know it isn’t a reflection on my parenting - I just think eating and sleeping are so fundamental to development. I’ve tried to keep to the nursery routine but she just refuses to sleep or eat.

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 05/12/2022 07:51

Nap dropper just before two here. We used to have quiet time just cuddling and watching TV. Then we also bought bedtime earlier to compensate for the tiredness and then started pushing back in increments.

Personally I wouldn't. I would regret it. I know it's hard when you are in the eye of the storm but everything does pass so just ride it out. At the end of the day, if she's hungry, she'll eat. If she's tired, she'll sleep.

Also I remember when our NCT mum's met up when the kids were 3 and everyone admitted that "sleeping through" meant anything from 10 hours to 4 hours. What people think are "sleeping" and "eating well" vary. And in my experience, nurseries generally always say "they had such a GREAT DAY, they ate their lunch and slept well" to everyone. As someone with a child who spoke well and early she used to say things like "Sebastian no sleep and run around" whereas I'd hear them lie like troopers to Sebastian's Mum 😂

toomuchlaundry · 05/12/2022 07:52

@MissMaple82 why wouldn’t you believe it?

DS used to nap in a cot at nursery, rarely managed that at home. Used to have to walk him round in his pushchair or have quiet time

MuggleMe · 05/12/2022 07:52

She might be all over the place because she is overtired from nursery.

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 07:55

I am honestly not bothered about comparing to any other child, but I do know the situation as it is isn’t tenable. She was in bed at 7, constant wakeups between 11 and 3, finally fell asleep 330 and awake at 630. She used to sleep through about 80% of the time, sometimes waking too early but nothing that bad. Now her night time sleep is dire and I do think it’s directly linked to overtired red and hunger.

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Rinatinabina · 05/12/2022 07:55

Honestly 2yr olds are really difficult. DD is vastly different a year later but the last year has been really bloody trying, sleep issues, a long bumpy road to dropping the nap, food refusal, kicking off about EVERYTHING. It’s easy to feel despondent but it does get better.

Just persist with sitting and eating with her at a table for meals. When she stared weaning we sat down as a family for dinner (meant a really early dinner but it was better for her and she was more likely to try stuff). If she’s refusing naps it may just be a phase (DD did this about the same age and then resumed naps maybe 3- 4 days a week for a few months then dropped them before 2.5) but more likely she’s transitioning out of naps.

Is she doing full days at nursery?

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 07:55

You might also benefit from her being FT at nursery! Children benefit from happy parents. DD has always been FT at nursery, loves it, is always disappointed when “it’s a mummy day”. Nursery also does far more mucky play than we do at home, and probably a more varied diet too. Do what you need to do!

mynameiscalypso · 05/12/2022 07:56

I don't think this is unusual at all. My DS is a bit older now but was certainly like this when he was 2. He's now 3.5 and is more like he is at home at nursery now. I think it helps to look at food and sleep across the week rather than individual days and that it balanced out.

Rinatinabina · 05/12/2022 07:58

Yeah she does sound a lot like mine at the same age. It’s not easy but 3 has been a turning point, and there nothing wrong with 5 days at nursery.

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 08:00

It probably isn’t unusual but I do know if you looked at this week she’s barely eaten Thursday-Sunday. And she literally has eaten nothing for dinner Saturday and Sunday. She is quite petite as it is, I’m just honestly trying to think what’s best for her.

She really hates eating with me (not me personally but just with one other person, I think it’s too pressured for her.) On the odd occasion we’ve had a family get together or eaten with friends she enjoys that but of course I can’t conjure up a group of people!

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 05/12/2022 08:00

I just get the app they use updated at the end of every day and she’s always eaten everything and napped well. At home it is a different story.

Agree with others here - I think you’re being hard on yourself. You see one thing; something written in an app says another. Is it more likely that they’re some magic miracle workers or that it’s an easier gig just to write “all fine” on their system? You’re being unreasonably hard on yourself here.

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 08:03

I’m honestly not being hard on myself - just concerned her development is being impeded. I do believe she eats well at nursery because she is following the example of other children and the sleep is probably the same.

OP posts:
JonSnowedUnder · 05/12/2022 08:10

If you can afford it, I would up her days for a set time. Maybe 3 months, see how things go. There's no harm and it's obviously becoming an issue for you.

ifonly4 · 05/12/2022 08:18

Is it harder to get her to eat later in the day? If it's later in the day when she's tired, you could try giving her more in the morning/lunchtime

DD dropped her naps at 18 months and come 5pm just wasn't interested in food as she was so tired. I did my best in the day to get her to sleep, would even take her out in pushchair walking around for ages. Wasn't great at the time, but after a month or so I gave in and let her stay awakes - that was a real turning point - she slept better at night (as she hadn't had a nap) and our day was totally freed up to go anywhere at anytime without worrying about sleeps.

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 09:29

I know but she’s refusing lunch too … just completely lost as to what to do with her!

OP posts:
MarianneVos · 05/12/2022 09:34

I would eat with her. If she's not eating anyway you're not losing anything.

Have things out on the table and let her serve herself what she wants and how much. Don't comment on it at all

Naps either lie down with her or just have quiet time watching telly. Mine don't nap at home now but told me they still want to nap at nursery so letting them do what they want.

Risslan · 05/12/2022 09:36

Yes sleeping and eating are important.

Have you looked into the downsides of nursery though? I won't go on about it here because lots of people have no choice but to have their dc in nursery full time but do realise what she gets from 1 on 1 time with a primary carer.

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 09:36

She really won’t eat at the table, she gets very stressed. She won’t do quiet time either, if I lie with her she tries to climb all over me, grabbing my hair and nose and poking my eyes.

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Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 09:37

I know @Risslan but the thing is I just don’t think she is happy with me and if I’m honest at the moment I’m really not enjoying my days off with her either.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 05/12/2022 09:38

How much time has she got off over Christmas?

Original poster
Warmcandlelight · 05/12/2022 09:39

We are off for two weeks.

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