Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have been invited by sibling?

32 replies

Lis1992 · 04/12/2022 13:05

So my sibling and their partner moved in together a while back. They said they didn’t want people over for a while as it’s a small granny flat type place. However, they’ve invited my parents for lunch. But I wasn’t asked. I live with my parents so thought they could have asked me. Not that I’m bothered about actually going for the lunch, its more that I’m feeling hurt I wasn’t considered. AIBU?

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 04/12/2022 13:09

Yes, YABU. It's nice for your sibling to spend time with their parents without you always tagging along.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/12/2022 13:10

I’m assuming lack of space. Expect they’ll invite you separately.

StickyCricket · 04/12/2022 13:13

YABU.

SIL spent 8 months living with MIL and decided that she (as a grown woman of nearly 40 years of age) should be automatically included in any invitation we gave to MIL.

We literally did not see MIL without SIL clinging on for the whole 8 months.

JustLyra · 04/12/2022 13:15

Why should you have been included just because you live with your parents?

MIL has lived with us for several years. She visits BIL, other family and her friends without us. We visit people without her.

We share a roof, not become joined at the hip.

Stopthebusplease · 04/12/2022 13:16

If you were 12, I would have expected you to be invited, but presumably as you're on Mumsnet, you're an adult, so why on earth would you expect to be invited. If you wanted to go and visit your sibling, would you ask your parents to accompany you, or would you just pop in on your own?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2022 13:18

Does their table fit 5?

DuplicateUserName · 04/12/2022 13:20

If your close enough for an invite, surely you're close enough to say "Oi, where's my invite?"

WheresTheCakeThen · 04/12/2022 13:24

My sister lived with our parents for a few years in her 30s cos of health problems. Tbh it got a bit annoying that I couldn't see my parents without her, had to include her in any invitation to my house. I know she's my sister and I care about her but I wanted my own relationship with my parents and to be able to chat to them without her around sometimes.

sheepdogdelight · 04/12/2022 13:26

I find these types of threads baffling.

If you're a close family either invite yourself to the lunch too, or just pop round for a cup of tea and to see their place.

If you're not a close family then it's odd to be hurt.

MeJane · 04/12/2022 13:26

YABU, you don't have to go when your Mam goes. You can go an another time. Perhaps your sister wants to just see her parents.

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 13:29

Are you a child? No. Then perfectly reasonable. Possible reasons:

  1. It's small so don't want to fit you all in.
  2. Cooking is easier for 4 than 5
  3. They just want some time with their parents!
IAmTi · 04/12/2022 13:30

DuplicateUserName · 04/12/2022 13:20

If your close enough for an invite, surely you're close enough to say "Oi, where's my invite?"

Don't do that.

You have no idea what they want to discuss with your parents OP.

ArcticSkewer · 04/12/2022 13:31

Time to cut the apron strings?

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/12/2022 13:32

BaronessBomburst · 04/12/2022 13:09

Yes, YABU. It's nice for your sibling to spend time with their parents without you always tagging along.

That's a really nasty thing to say. Why would you say that to somebody?

DuplicateUserName · 04/12/2022 13:32

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 13:30

Don't do that.

You have no idea what they want to discuss with your parents OP.

Show quote history

Yeah, fair point I suppose.

Maybe OP should leave it until after the lunch has happened.

Either way, she needs to speak up if she's this bothered about not being able to see them in their new place.

Hankunamatata · 04/12/2022 13:33

Totally normal to invite parents over for a meal in their first home without you

superdupernova · 04/12/2022 13:35

Yes, you are being unreasonable. It's their home and their choice to invite your parents.

PeekAtYou · 04/12/2022 13:36

Are you the only other sibling of the couple? If you go, the other siblings might think "what about us "? If her parents were invited and no siblings then more than fair to invite just his parents. Maybe their dining table is for 4 people (it's a starter flat so possibly quite small)

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 13:36

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/12/2022 13:32

That's a really nasty thing to say. Why would you say that to somebody?

Show quote history

It's not! It must be annoying if everytime you want to see your parents there's someone else tagging along

luxxlisbon · 04/12/2022 13:40

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/12/2022 13:32

That's a really nasty thing to say. Why would you say that to somebody?

Show quote history

How is it nasty? It’s a true comment, the other sibling is entitled to some quality alone time with her parents just as much as the OP.
The OP is an adult, she doesn’t have to accompany her parents everywhere just because she lives at home.

MeJane · 04/12/2022 13:42

That's a really nasty thing to say. Why would you say that to somebody?

It's not nasty, not at all. People should have their own separate relationship with their own parents without always having a sibling there once they are adults.

I couldn't be closer to my sister, she's my best friend. Our husbands are close and our children are close and we are all close to my parents. But we all have our own relationships. And sometimes I want to see my parents without my sister there.

BaronessBomburst · 04/12/2022 13:54

I was perhaps more blunt than some of the other posters, and for that I apologise, but the sentiment stands. DH has not been able to spend time with his mum for years without DBIL tagging along. We like DBIL but it hugely changes the dynamic. DH can't even have a conversation with her without DBIL interjecting.

ArcticSkewer · 04/12/2022 13:58

I was blunter!

I know exactly what you mean. It's about separation of units. Parents and adult siblings are two different groups. Sometimes you socialise all together. Sometimes you just want to see your parents, without siblings. That's actually even harder to do if the sibling hasn't moved out, so maybe you arrange for them to visit you. Then you get this!

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 04/12/2022 14:06

They want time with your parents alone, nothing wrong with that.

BaronessBomburst · 04/12/2022 14:07

I was blunter! Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread