Conflicted by what happened?

[Mumof1forNow]

Hi there,

I accidentally posted this on someone else's thread so apologies for that! I'm very new to mumsnet.I just needed some advice about what happened to me today with my husband.

Long story short I miscarried at 6 weeks earlier this year, we already have a daughter so i know i can get pregnant. I Realised I'm potentially pregnant again a few weeks ago but didn't rush to get it confirmed in light of me miscarrying before, but the symptoms are speaking for themselves I'm like 95% sure im preg as im 3 weeks late as well as having symptoms which never happens even around periods. I was hoping to get some tests done next week at doctors. I told hubby few days ago as it came up in a convo.

Anyway today, out of nowhere, my husband slapped my bum soooo hard I couldn't believe it, and with me being (hopefully) being pregnant I probably felt it more but it literally felt like he put his full force into it and he's really strong so it hurt really bad. I shouted at him and asked him what's wrong with him and told him her hurt me really bad. He laughed it off and just said sorry.

Since then I have been cramping in my stomach, no blood but teeniest bit of brown and yellow discharge so I'm just freaking out tbh as I've only had clear discharge so far.

I just dont know what to do. If everything is OK at the doctors next week then we can hopefully just move on from it but if I miscarry again I feel ill just want to rip his head off and blame him for everything.

I just don't want to over react as I don't think he actually realised what's happening and I've not seen him since really, I was gonna stay home and rest but he offered to drop me off to the shops and gave me some money to spend on myself. I thought I'd take my mind off things so I said OK.

What do you guys think? Should I just accept it as an accident and move on regardless of outcome? Honestly my hubby has been so good with me lately and was so good through my DD1 perganancy but recently our intimate life has been lacking as we're trying to sleep train little one, I'm thinking a bit of built up testosterone could be behind the whole incident? And also we recently moved into our own house after living with my in laws for 7 years so I guess we just thought we'd have more 'personal time' if you know what I mean.

I just don't know really what to make of what happened today, still cramping bad :(

The slap wouldn't cause a miscarriage, but being hit like that would be a deal breaker for me. That was no accident.

That's appalling. I would be seriously rethinking being with him. He's assaulted you and not in a playful way from your description. How would he like the same done to him?

I really don't think the assault would cause a miscarriage though. However this may not be someone you'd want another child with anyway.

No it doesn't. You don't accidentally put your full force into something! It's disgusting.

He deliberately hurt you, OP, then gave you money afterwards in the hope you'd shut up about it. He sounds really horrible. And there's no such thing as a build of testosterone making men hit women.

There’s a lot going on here.

He shouldn’t be slapping you at all, never mind so hard it hurts, and then fucking laughing about it. Not okay.

You’re either pregnant or you’re not. It’s best to just know either way and you can buy 20 tests for a few quid off Amazon with next day delivery. Might depend where you live but in England GPs don’t do pregnancy tests, they expect you to do one at home and then self refer to the midwife service.

First thing - get a test ASAP. Stop speculating, you’re only working yourself up.
Second, it’s very unlikely that a smack hard or otherwise on the bum would cause a miscarriage.
Thirdly, being hit by a person, where it’s painful is harm to your body. It’s just wrong. It’s an assault. Doesn’t matter if it’s intended a joke - it’s not a joke, and certainly not excusable if the person sexually frustrated or gives you shopping trip to day sorry. End that behaviour now.

Sorry, @Sadbeigechildren is absolutely right if it was full force then it's not accidental and not on (don't think I read the OP right in my tiredness,I read it more as someone worried a slap on the bum could cause miscarriage rather than thinking about the slap in the first place).

Im not sure testosterone "build up" is a thing... Certainly no excuse for hitting someone hard

Someone once did that to me in a works night out - I had a bruise in the shape of a handprint and couldn't lay on my back (side) for days . It bloody hurts . Have you told him how upset you are about it ? Have you told him you think you're pregnant?
I'd be asking him wtf he thought he was doing and tell him how much it hurt , that it's not funny or a joke and if he ever ever does anything like that again you'll test his pain threshold by kicking him in the nuts !
What the hell was he thinking?

😳

Why did he attack you?
Can you leave?

It wasn't an attack, literally everything was fine we were talking normally then he just did it in jest but just put full firce into it and boy did it hurt at the time. It doesn't hurt now and there was no aggression behind it. But obviously the stomach cramps made me pay more attention to the incident and I'm just thinking wth :/ but everything has been fine between us as of lately

Oh dear yes its not nice... I think I need to give over the incident with him for my own peace of mind, it all feels swept under the carpet now, and I feel I should have called him out for it more at the time!

Why haven't you done a pregnancy test?

I agree I need to do a test I've just been putting it off

Your husband randomly hit you hard enough to cause pain and you're all like oh it's totes fine?
It isn't! At all!

YANBU that’s out of order, and he can’t fob you off with spending money.

Go and get a test first thing in the morning. You need to know.

You absolutely need to address this slap. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms that he is to never strike you like that again. It really hurt and it's totally unacceptable.

Testosterone build up ? What did I just read ?

Male aggression is just that. Aggression. No excuses, ever.

The cramps are probably anxiety from the situation.

Has he ever done anything like this before ?

How exactly do you hit someone with your full force, by accident?

If you're a few weeks late, why not buy a pregnancy test and do it? You don't need to go to your GP for that.

Your p hit you far too hard. M that won't affect any pregnancy, but it's totally unacceptable. That would be a deal breaker for me.

I'm thinking a bit of built up testosterone could be behind the whole incident?

This is not a thing.

he's a bully.

Those who are saying a slap on the bum wouldn't cause a miscarriage, how do you know? If anything else had hit OP with force would you be saying the same thing?

“Sleep train” 😩😩😩 for the love of god, don’t bring another baby into this world if you’re going to leave the one you already have, in a room to cry on their own until they give up.