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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Conflicted by what happened?

35 replies

Mumof1forNow · 03/12/2022 21:16

Hi there,

I accidentally posted this on someone else's thread so apologies for that! I'm very new to mumsnet.I just needed some advice about what happened to me today with my husband.

Long story short I miscarried at 6 weeks earlier this year, we already have a daughter so i know i can get pregnant. I Realised I'm potentially pregnant again a few weeks ago but didn't rush to get it confirmed in light of me miscarrying before, but the symptoms are speaking for themselves I'm like 95% sure im preg as im 3 weeks late as well as having symptoms which never happens even around periods. I was hoping to get some tests done next week at doctors. I told hubby few days ago as it came up in a convo.

Anyway today, out of nowhere, my husband slapped my bum soooo hard I couldn't believe it, and with me being (hopefully) being pregnant I probably felt it more but it literally felt like he put his full force into it and he's really strong so it hurt really bad. I shouted at him and asked him what's wrong with him and told him her hurt me really bad. He laughed it off and just said sorry.

Since then I have been cramping in my stomach, no blood but teeniest bit of brown and yellow discharge so I'm just freaking out tbh as I've only had clear discharge so far.

I just dont know what to do. If everything is OK at the doctors next week then we can hopefully just move on from it but if I miscarry again I feel ill just want to rip his head off and blame him for everything.

I just don't want to over react as I don't think he actually realised what's happening and I've not seen him since really, I was gonna stay home and rest but he offered to drop me off to the shops and gave me some money to spend on myself. I thought I'd take my mind off things so I said OK.

What do you guys think? Should I just accept it as an accident and move on regardless of outcome? Honestly my hubby has been so good with me lately and was so good through my DD1 perganancy but recently our intimate life has been lacking as we're trying to sleep train little one, I'm thinking a bit of built up testosterone could be behind the whole incident? And also we recently moved into our own house after living with my in laws for 7 years so I guess we just thought we'd have more 'personal time' if you know what I mean.

I just don't know really what to make of what happened today, still cramping bad :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof1forNow · 04/12/2022 06:08

Hu everyone, thanks so much for all the replies. I got myself an early night as a little shell shocked from it all to be honest. Still a little confused but I guess what I wanted from this friend was to understand if I should let it go or to address it more firmly with him. I'm going to speak to him again about the whole situation and make clear that nothing like that should happen again. Like I said everything been going perfectly fine so it doesn't reslly make sense why it happened tbh, it wasn't even done in aggression from what I could tell but obviously what happened is not ok and i know that now. Really appreciate everyone's input x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof1forNow · 04/12/2022 06:23

Oops that was meant to say *what I wanted from this thread

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 04/12/2022 07:09

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2022 21:21

The slap wouldn't cause a miscarriage, but being hit like that would be a deal breaker for me. That was no accident.

Yes. Why did you say it was an accident? He hit you ‘full force’. Just because it was on your bum doesn’t make it excusable or even ‘playful’. He hurt you.

HoppingPavlova · 04/12/2022 07:17

a) what he did is completely unacceptable
b) being pregnant cannot make you feel a slap, either more or less
c) a hard slap on the bottom cannot cause a miscarriage

Original poster
Mumof1forNow · 04/12/2022 12:16

I'm doing the the gentle method where I lay with her in her own bed until she falls asleep, but it can take hours. I too am not comfortable with leaving her to cry. Perhaps sleep train was the wrong phrase!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof1forNow · 04/12/2022 12:22

Thanks for this. Thing is I'd love to believe that it wouldn't cause miscarraige, but last time my daughter accidentally kicked me in my stomach and I miscarried, coincidentally or not. And I was confused as to why I was getting such bad cramps straight after the incident with husband (and still getting them) hopefully all will be OK though, I'll do a test shortly.

OP posts:
theedgeofalorry · 04/12/2022 12:24

there is absolutely ZERO chance being slapped on the bum could cause a miscarriage. Zero

posaty · 04/12/2022 13:35

Mumof1forNow · 04/12/2022 12:22

Thanks for this. Thing is I'd love to believe that it wouldn't cause miscarraige, but last time my daughter accidentally kicked me in my stomach and I miscarried, coincidentally or not. And I was confused as to why I was getting such bad cramps straight after the incident with husband (and still getting them) hopefully all will be OK though, I'll do a test shortly.

A kick in the stomach is very different to a slap on the bum though isn't it. Not saying the slap on the bum wasn't wrong in terms of behaviour on the part of your other half but unless the slap caused you to move forward and hit your stomach on something I can't see how it would endanger a pregnancy.

AFS1 · 04/12/2022 13:41

A toddler kicking you in the stomach would not cause a miscarriage. A slap on the bum would not cause a miscarriage. Doesn’t stop that slap bring massively inappropriate, though.

Stressedmum2017 · 04/12/2022 13:45

Well being slapped on the arse will not cause a miscarriage obviously. How hard he slapped you is up to you whether you want to take offence to, only you know your relationship you have and what sort of a character your husband is.

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