If you have been off the dating scene for 15 years plus what is stopping you put yourself back out there?

[coodawoodashooda]

For me it's varicose veins (mine), snoring (me) potential boredom (him). I can't imagine getting past this. Any advice?

Also, the fact that I lost so many friends during my divorce. I feel self conscious about it.

I’d rather concentrate on bringing my kids up, been single for 6 years and tbh really enjoy not having to entertain a man

There seem to be a huge number of unpleasant men out there, and it's not really worth the grief.

Which is a bit sad 😕

I can't see what the benefit would be. I am very busy, have family and friends for company when I want that. Otherwise I am busy with my own interests, or my children, or work. Or enjoying peace and quiet!

I think once you've been on a few dates you regain some confidence, you realise you can make interesting conversation and you can stop pull if you want to.

The best approach in my experience is to remember that it's just a date, you don't have to have a second date, you owe them absolutely nothing, if he's nothing like his photo or he's in any way unpleasant you can just leave. This is why it's important to arrange short first dates, preferably coffee in a busy place with parking right out side.

You'll get lots on here telling you not to date until your dc are at least 30.

Still pull that's supposed to say.

I've been single a long time through choice. l have no desire to date at this time. I like my way of life and have worked hard to rebuild all that l have now, (peace and freedom) so am fussy who l let in. l don't feel like l am missing out. I have had healthy relationships in the past. I am not anti men. This is a chapter in my life where l can focus on myself and l am totally comfortable with it.
It is possible to live happily alone.
I do still get interest from men, l meet a lot of different people in my job, l look after myself and look good for my age, but it's so freeing not to want or need that kind of attention.
I have got a soft spot for my vet, not for the way he looks but is so kind and has a lovely way about him. Those qualities appeal to me. I find a lot of men my age dull and boring, ok for small talk, that's it.

I'm probably too comfortable in my own skin now. I honestly can't be arsed with any of that facade of being my "best" self.

Plus I'm in my 40's, will sound cynical, from reading posts here makes it sounds like blokes that age are probably single for a reason.

I'm also of the generation of going out and meeting someone out and about. The idea of the meat market that is internet dating fills me with horror.

So I don't bother. No one else to cook tea for, no arguments about what that watch, when I'm going to bed, go on holiday, no extra laundry or another person to tidy up after.

My money's my own, my house, my decor, my car. (I think there's a Beyonce song in there somewhere! 😆)

That said, I am open to meeting someone. But I'm also realistic about whos likely single in my age group. Not holding out much hope!

That's so true. I would never do dating apps, just the idea gives me the ick. I need to spend time with someone in a natural environment e.g. through mutual friends for any attraction to grow.

But even then, the effort you have to make to get to know someone, and for what purpose? What would they add to an already full life? If anything they'd impinge on my much-needed downtime on my own.

Same as the PP I have my own house and financial security and don't believe in getting into a relationship for that anyway even if I was struggling. Being financially dependent is not a good place to go, ever.

Spending time with people is lovely when I want to but I have family and friends for that. The expectations that come with a relationship are far too instrusive for me to want to do that again, when I can do all the things I love on my own.

It would take a lot to impress me enough to make me consider the sacrifice worthwhile, so the idea of "advertising" myself and being forced to speak to endless wasters is not appealing. If someone appeared socially who was perfect for me (intelligent, funny, kind, not needy, attractive, financially secure themselves, similar interests and values etc and on the same page about never living with a partner again) and showed an interest and we developed a connection then yeah maybe I'd consider it.

Thing is, I'm pretty sure most sane single men my age have come to the same conclusion so wouldn't be on OLD anyway! If it happens, it happens. So I'm not really sure what you mean by "putting yourself out there", do you mean actively seeking someone through OLD OP?

Sorry OP, in my musings I missed the part abput you asking for advice!

My advice would be to focus on you and your life. Make it full and happy. Then you won't feel like anything's missing. It sounds like you have little self-confidence so I'd focus on things you enjoy and make you happy and that will make you more confident about yourself and then if someone right for you appears you won't have these worries. And you also won't care if that doesn't happen.

A partner is rarely the solution to anything! Just like a baby isn't. 🤣 Just bring you a whole host of new problems.

I’m 36, have been single since I was 29.

Too busy raising my kids, living my life, doing what I want to do.

I’m attractive, well educated, good job, yadayadayada.

I just don’t fucking want to.

I lost my 20s to doing what a man wanted me to do - have babies and stay at home.

Like fuck will I risk even one more day like that.

No advice to give OP.

I'm in my 50s, been single for five years following divorce (married almost twenty). I'm not prepared to jump into OLD so I'd have to meet someone through my hobbies or work.

I work F/T study P/T, swim and do yoga three or four evenings a week, do nothing or go out for a drink another evening.

I'm not completely anti a relationship but I CBA with trying to impress anyone so I can't see it happening.

The only thing I don't like about singledom is when you're ill on your own but that's not enough to justify a relationship is it. My X wasn't interested in being remotely kind when I was ill so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I've been single so long now that I don't know where to start. I've lived alone for 22 years, and haven't had a relationship for 10. I used to think I wasn't interested in a relationship, but over the last few years I came to realise that it was actually men I'm not interested in, and I'm gay. But I'm 50 now and I've been alone for so bloody long that I have no idea where to even start, even moreso in a whole new world and new sexuality, so... I probably won't bother.

I'd love a relationship - but the one i in want isn't open to me: I want to be married, to the father of my DC.

Which technically I still am, as we progress slowly through this interminable divorce process that he is making hell.

I don't want to rule out a relationship ever, but it seems far away still. My life has no space for dating at the moment - I work, I take care of my DC. Uninvolved ex, 3 DC, no support & crazy busy lifestyle.

It's sad - I too am good looking, look we'll, professional - but it's not possible right now.

Yeah. I was ill recently too. I know my xh wouldn't have cared but the idea that there would have been someone who did, wow.

Yes, true. Being ill alone sucks. But what price for freedom and peace would you pay for this?

I could have written this post. Sums it up perfectly. 😊

I’ve been separated 12yrs. Went on first date in what 20yrs plus last week. I’ve just been busy raising kids I guess, and managing a chronic illness. It was an ex colleague who I’ve always had a spark with, he asked me for a drink! I had a lovely time, so did he, date 2 is next week. I am thinking I should have done this 10yrs ago, I feel like a teenager again all giddy with excitement for seeing him again! He’s a couple of years older than me, I’m sure there’s some downsides there. But for now I’m just enjoying just seeing the good things!

That sounds fun. I hope it goes well.

I was single for 12 years from 34 to 46. I had two young kids and a full time job to do so I couldn't cope with dating at that time. I dabbled in online dating for about 6 months and found it too depressing. So I gave up and concentrated on my life. Never thought I'd meet someone or date again. A friend introduced me to a singles group and on the first night I met someone! 6 months in and it is going so well...easy, fun and just lovely. I don't regret my single era as I could concentrate on kids and work.

Thanks. Even if nothing comes of it, it’s given me a bit of excitement and reawakened something in me

I put myself back out there, went on a date, fell for him, dated him for 10 months then found out every word was a lie and he was actually engaged

Never again

Living in peace ✌️🤣 is stopping me from dating again. Can't be arsed with men anymore

Not quite 15yrs but have been alone 11yrs now. Initially I just didn't want the complications of a step dad in my children's lives. Now I feel it would be hard work to have to think of someone else when I make decisions.

Through lockdown I would have liked a partner because being alone with just the children was hard. I feel wistful when I see old couples who still seem to adore one another after several decades and know I will never experience that kind of love and devotion.

However the few online dates I've had in more recent years have just been weird and awkward and I'm reluctant to bother with more.