To be worried that I am autistic?

[Worried001]

Trying to be as sensitive as possible here so please forgive me if I don't quite word things right.
I really do think that I am autistic. Reasons being-

1. Very shy and quiet, often don't know what to say to people.
2. Look years younger than my age. Almost 40 but people still think early twenties. They say as well as looking really young, I also seem it.
3. Strange voice which people always comment on as 'You really don't sound like you are from around here.' Even though I have lived in the same place all my life.
4. Never had problems making friends in school but as I've got older, I really have.

My nan, mum and sister all get the same comments but I think we all have a form of it? Problem is although I haven't been diagnosed, I still worry that people see it from a mile off that I most likely have autism and that's hard as I have not accepted it in myself as yet. I don't have an issue with my routine changing, can read social cues very easily and am known as the 'counsellor' within my family as well as having a brilliant imagination and very creative in my writing but after writing a thread on here recently, those who suffer with autism said they don't have a problem with any of those things either so I do think I have it. Is it worth getting a diagnosis at this stage in life and how do you begin to accept it ? Again, my apologies if I have worded this wrong or in a clumsy fashion. It is certainly not my intention.

I'm part-way through the process of diagnosis, so I think it is definitely something that you could talk to your GP about. They would be able to refer you. Probably a long wait though.

The more I read up about it, the more it all falls into place, and I think that would happen to you too.

Don't forget that women and girls are particularly good at 'masking' and it is extremely unlikely that other random people will see it from a mile off. In my experience they don't.

A diagnosis may help you to understand the way you are and feel. Whether you are autistic or not won't make any difference to the person you are, your strengths and your weaknesses, so it should not be a cause for worry.

Lacking confidence doesn’t make you autistic

It might be some neurodiversity OP. In terms of your concern that people can spot it. It's almost certain they can't. They may notice that you're quiet/shy but very unlikely that they would extrapolate further than that, especially if they don't know you well. Most people are much more preoccupied about how they're coming across to start making casual assessments about other people.

I suspect that I'm a bit neurodivergent (although probably more towards inattentive ADHD) and always had similiar concerns to you (slight feelings of shame and concerns people notice/judge). Having spoken to a pyschologist for other issues I'm now much more accepting of myself and am considering going for an assessment just as a source of information. If I do get a diagnosis or not it doesn't change who I am.

Maybe it would help if you start to see the positive things about you as part of being autistic too. Your ability to analyse social situations and advise people and your creativity could both be part of autism (both are for me).

Autism is not just the negatives. Embracing the positives might help you towards self-acceptance.

There's lots of advice on ND assessment on the Neurodiverse board - also people talking about their experiences of autism; why not have a read and see what resonates; it might also reassure you that finding out you are autistic is often more of a validating experience than a troubling one.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters

You might be, but don't be afraid of it. I'm autistic and I don't 'suffer' all that much, just occasionally.

Going through my kids diagnosises has helped me accept and understand myself. I wouldn't pusue a diagnosis for myself as I feel I understand why I am the way I am much better now and have adapted strategies and techniques that help.

Is looking younger than you are a sign of ASD? I didn’t know that!

I'd start by having a look at the official criteria used in diasgnosing ASD

www.autismspeaks.org/autism-diagnosis-criteria-dsm-5

2. Look years younger than my age. Almost 40 but people still think early twenties

As far as I know looking younger is not an indication of autism (I was diagnosed this year age 46 and I definitely don't look like I'm in my twenties). Emotionally immaturity is often evident though.

There’s a lot of debate within the psychological field of whether autism and adhd are social constructs. They are struggling to find any bio markers, and it’s looking like there’s a shift taking place…there’s more info on the British Psychological Society website. MadinAmerica.com also has a lot of collated, up to date research from around the world if you are interested in the reading more about it.

I am not autistic, but my son is and so I have spent a lot of time around people with ASD to understand that ASD comes in many guises. But to be honest p, nothing you have written shouts ASD to me

looking younger than you are and having a ‘strange’ voice ( whatever that means) arent indicators of ASD.
what do you think other people can see a mile off ?

In terms of your concern that people can spot it. It's almost certain they can't.

Not my experience at all. I know a few people knew before I told them / had worked it out

I have ASD. I get the looking younger thing too I think it’s a combination of my anxious demeanour. Worried expression and no make up (can’t wear it due to sensory issues) and probably zero sun damage as have never gone out much

From what you say you don't sound especially autistic tbh. Its more than just a personality, there's a lot of feeling shite involved, lots of anxiety and panic.

But there's no need to worry about it, you're still the exact same person. If it's something playing on your mind then get an assessment but I think maybe you're just a bit immature/naive/introverted kind of thing.

I've been told that all my life too. I'm 42.
I think it's down to lack of make up like you say and also my body language and facial expressions are not what you would expect for the situation.
I also wear clothes that most 43 year olds wouldn't wear and my interests are seen as childish.

OP you're allowed to have a personality without it being autism. Not everybody that is quieter and has trouble making friends is autistic.

Yes I think it might be worth pursuing. The Lorna Wing Centres specialise in diagnosis for girls and women.
Look at the videos by Yo Samdy Sam on YouTube.

I agree. Nothing in OPs description is a clear indicator of autism. Nothing indicates she would fit the official diagnostic criteria.

A little weirdness doesn't have to be pathological. It's just part and parcel of being human.

Well whether you have or not you it won't change your personality being assessed. It's nothing to be worried about. Either you are and learn new ways of coping, get an explanation for how you feel and meet others with shared experiences. Or you're not and nothing happens except you can stop questioning it.

It's worth getting a diagnosis if you have significant issues with functioning in your life or with others and would benefit from understanding this better.
How do you do with a questionnaire like this ?
psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

A diagnosis is worth perusing if you think it would be helpful.

My teen DD recently had an assessment and the outcome was that she is not autistic.

DD was very pleased with this. I do not think a diagnosis would help her, so was not concerned. Since her assessment there have been times when I've thought she clearly is on the autistic spectrum, and have had to remind myself a diagnosis would not have made one bit of difference to her, or anyone else, and it's fine for her to behave as she does without me or anyone else thinking it's because she's on the autistic spectrum.

How do you think a diagnosis would help you?

I know this sounds silly but I googled looking really young for age and many people with autism report that they too look decade's younger. Same with the odd accent. Apparently it is very common in those with autism. A few people have said to me 'You seem so much younger' as well. I do a very responsible job, a careworker for physically disabled kids and am not reckless or immature in how I behave but I think as someone said upthread, it's maybe because I am quite a nervous and shy person which coupled with the young face and slight build, gives off a childish impression, who knows.
I just feel really embarrassed about it all.
Autism seems to fit a much wider scale now. I always used to think that because I was imaginative, good with social cues, didn't care about a change in my daily routine etc, that I didn't have it but I still think I might.
Something I need to think about in terms of whether it would be helpful to get a diagnosis or not. I know there are pros and cons to that.

@Worried001

You intrigued with the voice thing so I googled it , sorry that I was dismissive of it.
I know lots of people with ASD, children and adults. None of them has what I would call a strange voice or accent. My son has had vocal tics in the past and he does mimic people and sounds, but his speaking voice is nothing out of the ordinary.
I can see that on the more extreme ends of the spectrum there are vocal issues - the daughter of a friend swears a lot and very loudly for example.
I think it comes down to what is really bothering you. but there is no need to be embarrassed or scared. You are what you are- a diagnosis won't change that.

Several years ago a young man came to work in my team. His behaviour screamed autism to me, in a negative way. He came very close to losing his job but because I was able to talk to him, we could then take him through occupational health, get the diagnosis which meant we could put reasonable adjustments in work, kept him in his job, and also managing things in his home life.
I'm telling you this as an example of where lack of diagnosis is a significant hindrance to life.
Ultimately only an assessment will tell you one way or the other but do you think you need it to live well ? Again only you can answer that question.
Clearly something is bothering you though so it's a good to think about what it might be.