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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share my babysitter?

48 replies

Lolabear38 · 02/12/2022 23:21

For some reason, it’s really
difficult to get a decent babysitter around where we live. There are a lot available but it’s taken ages to find someone we like, who is reliable, good with the kids and who the kids also feel comfortable with. About 3 months ago we found an amazing lady who has so far worked out great, and we’ve had her over to watch our 3 kids a few times recently.

I was talking to a friend about it and she said ‘oh! Send me her details! We’re desperate for a good sitter’ etc. I said a something vague about needing to check because I didn’t have her number on me. But here’s the thing - this friend is one we would pretty often go out with of an evening - an evening when we would need the sitter! So if I share her details and friend uses her too, I’m thinking what if she gets there first and books the sitter leaving us high and dry?! We literally tried 4 or 5 sitters over the last year and for various reasons they just haven’t worked out so
I feel like we’ve earned this lovely one we’ve found 😂

AIBU to say no to sharing the details?! I’m not even sure how that conversation would go 😂

OP posts:
jtaeapa · 02/12/2022 23:26

You could share them and say directly, just don't call this sitter if we are going out together, otherwise I will have no sitter and not be able to come.

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 23:28

Just say she's already overbooked/not taking on new clients if your friend presses you.

aloris · 02/12/2022 23:31

Yeah I wouldn't share the details. Just keep forgetting to send them. I have found that friends have no shame about competing with you for times you both need the sitter, and your friend might even share on the sitter's info so sitter is never available to you.

FinallyHere · 02/12/2022 23:31

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 23:28

Just say she's already overbooked/not taking on new clients if your friend presses you.

This.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 02/12/2022 23:53

Not dis similar, we have a treasure of a man who looks after our dog when we go away. He only looks after 1 dog at a time in his own home. We give his details to no one!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/12/2022 00:11

The sitter might need the extra money, don't deny her that.

She probably relies on word of mouth recommendations for more jobs.

I'd say talk to her and give each other first choice, as in you call her first for jobs and she prioritises you too.
If you treat her well, she'll do the same.

I had this when I was a nanny, my boss told people I wasn't available yet I could have done with the money at the time and am very capable of organising my availability.

I left not long after finding this out. Be truthful and open with her and let her make her own choices.

Honeyroar · 03/12/2022 00:16

Could you ask your babysitter to ask your friend, when she rings her, whether she’s going out with you, as existing customers get first refusal? Or just be honest with your friend and say “but she’s babysitting for us already on nights that we all go out, so it wouldn’t work..”

Spiderboy · 03/12/2022 00:18

Yeah just say she isn’t taking new clients at the moment and doesn’t want her number being circulated currently.

UsingChangeofName · 03/12/2022 00:22

What @jtaeapa said and what @Treesandsheepeverywhere said.

Presumably your friend goes out on other occasions, when she is not with you?
Just say you will pass on her number but she isn't allowed to poach her when you are going out together. It's not difficult.

I'm surprised posters think it is reasonable to deprive your sitter of the potential of more work if she needs it. How mean spirited can you be ?

Honeyroar · 03/12/2022 00:30

Spiderboy · 03/12/2022 00:18

Yeah just say she isn’t taking new clients at the moment and doesn’t want her number being circulated currently.

But it’s a lie and if it ever came out you might lose the babysitter.

Watchthesunrise · 03/12/2022 00:32

Just forget to give it to her. And keep forgetting.

Herejustforthisone · 03/12/2022 00:46

Never share. I have CF friends who tried to get in on our nanny after I put in all the work finding and vetting them. Unbelievable.

MermaidMummy06 · 03/12/2022 01:05

Just keep forgetting. And don't let them 'meet you at your place' on a night out you're using her.

I don't tell anyone whenever I find a good deal, or service, of any kind. People have no compunction stealing from you. I've even taken a friend to a sale, she's picked up what she knew I specifically wanted and said 'oh, sorry....' and put it in her own basket. Just be selfish.

NoSquirrels · 03/12/2022 01:11

I’m not even sure how that conversation would go

’You know you wanted the babysitter’s number, Friend? I was thinking about it and it’s kind of awkward because we definitely would want to book her on nights we’d be out with you guys, and how would that work if you wanted to book her too? It could be tricky and I wouldn’t want to fall out about it. I’m happy to share if you’re happy to give us first refusal on dates we’re going out together- what do you reckon?’

CatJumperTwat · 03/12/2022 01:15

Could the babysitter handle both sets of children when you go out with your friend?

ZiggyAndChanelle · 03/12/2022 01:15

I’d dump you as a family if I found out you were telling people I didn’t want more business

Spiderboy · 03/12/2022 02:57

Honeyroar · 03/12/2022 00:30

But it’s a lie and if it ever came out you might lose the babysitter.

Show quote history

Not likely…especially since OP has tried a few babysitters, how would anyone know exactly who she was referring to. It’s not something I’d think about tbh

Hawkins001 · 03/12/2022 03:16

Always best to not share your assets, especially if they get turned by friends

Lightowl · 03/12/2022 03:30

I don’t blame you - I introduced a babysitter to a friend once and she promptly had a go at me two weeks later because I had her booked when they wanted to go out. Told me I had to cancel because she had no other option.

I lost the friend and kept the babysitter, I think it was a good trade!

babyyodaxmas · 03/12/2022 03:37

My DCs are older now. But I wouldn't share our last babysitter.

ComfortablyDazed · 03/12/2022 03:47

I was talking to a friend about it

Don’t do that again.

ComfortablyDazed · 03/12/2022 03:48

I mean, where did you think the conversation was going to go?

Wanttobefree2 · 03/12/2022 03:56

I shared my dog sitter details, now they are not often available as the people I shared the details with have started going away in the school holidays with their grandkids :-(

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 03/12/2022 04:24

aloris · 02/12/2022 23:31

Yeah I wouldn't share the details. Just keep forgetting to send them. I have found that friends have no shame about competing with you for times you both need the sitter, and your friend might even share on the sitter's info so sitter is never available to you.

Yes this is what I’m worried about!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lolabear38 · 03/12/2022 04:26

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/12/2022 00:11

The sitter might need the extra money, don't deny her that.

She probably relies on word of mouth recommendations for more jobs.

I'd say talk to her and give each other first choice, as in you call her first for jobs and she prioritises you too.
If you treat her well, she'll do the same.

I had this when I was a nanny, my boss told people I wasn't available yet I could have done with the money at the time and am very capable of organising my availability.

I left not long after finding this out. Be truthful and open with her and let her make her own choices.

Good points, I hadn’t thought of it like this. I don’t want to deny her extra money so I won’t tell friend that she isn’t taking on new people, I just also don’t want to miss out on a really great babysitter when we’ve spent so long looking for her.

OP posts:
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