To not want to share my babysitter?

[Lolabear38]

For some reason, it’s really
difficult to get a decent babysitter around where we live. There are a lot available but it’s taken ages to find someone we like, who is reliable, good with the kids and who the kids also feel comfortable with. About 3 months ago we found an amazing lady who has so far worked out great, and we’ve had her over to watch our 3 kids a few times recently.

I was talking to a friend about it and she said ‘oh! Send me her details! We’re desperate for a good sitter’ etc. I said a something vague about needing to check because I didn’t have her number on me. But here’s the thing - this friend is one we would pretty often go out with of an evening - an evening when we would need the sitter! So if I share her details and friend uses her too, I’m thinking what if she gets there first and books the sitter leaving us high and dry?! We literally tried 4 or 5 sitters over the last year and for various reasons they just haven’t worked out so
I feel like we’ve earned this lovely one we’ve found 😂

AIBU to say no to sharing the details?! I’m not even sure how that conversation would go 😂

I can definitely ask her not to book her on nights we’re going out together, that doesn’t mean she won’t though. We often go out together - just us and her and her husband - so on those nights I’m sure she wouldn’t book her, but we also often go out as part of a larger group and on those nights she may well do if she doesn’t have another choice?

I’m not trying to do the sitter out of more money, I’m trying to not do us out of a babysitter!

This is an excellent way of putting it, thanks 😊

"The sitter might need the extra money, don't deny her that."

I don't think it's the client's job to strategise themselves out of a sitter by introducing the sitter to new, competing clients. I can see why a sitter might WANT to be introduced and to increase her clientele, because the sitter's interests are not quite the same as the client's. But, just as the sitter is entitled to look after her interests, so is the client, and in this case, the client introducing the sitter to her friend may not serve her own interests.

Book next year very much in advance. And tell the Dogsitter this is what is happening. How often did you and do you want to go away? You should book those dates asap.

I agree with telling your friend and baby sitter you get first refusal and not to book her on days you’re both out together as she will always prioritise you.

I’ve done this. Just said the babysitter wasn’t taking on new families. It was kind of true as she had lots of other work on. The woman who was asking for details of ours is hard work and I didn’t want her to affect our relationship with our sitter.

Genuinely can't believe people wouldn't share the details. I've given mine out to loads of people. Feels wrong on the babysitter if you ask me

Do not share the details, you'll lose out. If the babysitter does want more work she can advertise!

We had similar with a nanny once - she works limited (by her own choice) hours for us and a friend with far greater needs and more kids started making gentle enquiries. Wasn't fun to resolve.

If you're up for lying anyway you may as well go full throttle and say you've ditched that sitter for xyz reason, turned out to be disappointing and you're trying out another one but remain sceptical with the new one.

Lesson learned don’t rave about a good babysitter to others

You don't own the babysitter.

How old are the kids? Could you take turns having them stay over and the babysitter gets a little extra to look after both? Kids retrieved in the morning?

How far in advance are you trying to book your dog sitter?

I was taking bookings for 2023 at the beginning of 2022 - you really do need to get in early. I can't afford to prioritise existing or long-term customers - it's first come, first served.

Good question @CatJumperTwat.

@Lolabear38 How many children do you and your friend have combined? Would having the children babysat at your or your friend’s house together work?

You both could work out a fair price to pay the babysitter for the extra children and split the cost.

Similar happened to us. After a few tries got a fab local babysitter who the kids really loved. Got asked for details by more than one acquaintance. Then found she was often booked up when we needed her. Rectified that by increasing what we paid her per hour which meant she always gave us first refusal before accepting a booking. One acquaintance was quite pissed off with us as she didn't want to match the higher rate. But it's a dog eat dog world when it comes to good sitters!

I have found over the years that it's best not to share details of your domestic help, be that cleaners, babysitters (unless teenagers, who only tend to do it for a year or so before going off to uni), pet sitters etc. In general, I avoid it as a topic of conversation or keep it vague.

@thelobsterquadrille do you get bookings by word of mouth or do you advertise? It's something I am looking into work wise.

It’s a good idea but my youngest is only 18months and one of the requirements we had in a sitter was that she was comfortable putting him to bed in his own room etc. friends youngest is a similar age so while I haven’t asked I’m sure she would rather her children went to bed in their own beds too.

To be honest, if I were the babysitter and I heard that you had been lying about my lack of availability - as suggested by some on this thread - you'd have lost me as a client anyway.

You could just say " She's not looking for any additional clients just now".

I had to advertise at first, but I've been going three years now (I also dog walk) and everything is via word of mouth these days :)

Please don't do this - babysitters are self-employed and you have no right to deny this lady income just because you don't want to risk her being fully booked.

I'm self-employed (dog walker, but similar principle) and I'd be really pissed off if I found a client refused to pass on my details because they didn't want me to be fully booked!

@Lolabear38 Fair enough. I would only share babysitter’s details with the friend if I could 100% trust her not to book her on the nights we plan on going out together.

So, I don’t think yabu.

I wouldn’t share details again. We did it without thinking with our decent babysitter. Shared her details with good friends of ours. They used her, go out more than we do, and paid her almost double than we do (or what she asked us). It meant we never got to use her again. And yes they booked her on nights out together and told us triumphantly. Like previous have said, it’s not your job to help a sitter get more clients. They are charging for their services and can get new clients themselves if they need or want them