DDs older sister buying presents

[eelieza]

I have a 6yo and shes got an older adult sister, theyre very close and does a lot for her. but older sister is not mine, and I'm not with the dad any more.
My DD's older sister she has told some of the family/me what she's got for my 6yo and in all she has spent a few hundred pounds
I got lots of small gifts for dd and one "big" one whereas she got a few "big" gifts so it outshines what I have bought.
I'm sure she is only thinking about her sister and not meaning it to be horrible.
I'm not sure what to call how I feel about it.
Each christmas we give/recieve token gifts so I didnt think I needed to mention its out of order, or is it?
Theyre very nice gifts and although this is very kind of her I dont feel like its her place.
Or should I just accept them because its about the kids?
Everyone told her it would be too much before she bought them and she did it anyway.
To give some back story she wants her own children but her husband wants to wait.
I dont feel comfortable accepting/declining the gifts so am on the fence about it.

It's a great thing to foster a close sibling relationship - the more people that love and support your DD the better! Her close relationship with her sister doesn't undermine her close relationship with you.

It would be selfish to take things away from your DD to spare your own feelings. It may also affect her lovely relationship with her sister. Don't do it.

You feel ashamed. That's what it is. Sad and ashamed because you feel she's outshone you.

But she hasn't. She's her sister not her mum. She's a Disney sibling not an everyday parent who does everything for her.

So you expect everyone who buys your DD Christmas presents to check with you so you can approve of the price?
You say your DD has no concept of value - well what's the issue then? Do you want her to have concept of the money you have spent on her, so you are the number one gift giver?

Leave her sister be, I think it's lovely.

How many insecure, immature and downright bizarre people are on MN today? Bloody hell. Your DDs older sister sounds like a lovely big sister to your little girl, and that’s the best gift of all!

I totally get where you are coming from, as a single mum who has to budget closely, it can be a bit off putting when somone goes totally over the top with gifts especially as I cant afford to.
I just remind myself that it's not a competition and that my children are lucky to have so many people that love them so much and want to treat them.
And its so lovely that her big sister is so involved.

Your DD is in an unusual position having an adult sibling at age 6. This is therefore a relationship that's going to be very different from anything else. It's not like a regular sibling relationship, it's not the same as a niece/aunty relationship and it's definitely not like a mother/daughter relationship. Your daughter is extremely fortunate to have another safe adult in her life who clearly dotes on her and cares deeply for her. You would be robbing your daughter of something very special if you interfere in that relationship purely to appease your own sense of jealousy and insecurity.

Parents don't (or certainly shouldn't) give presents to their children in order to buy affection or compliance or to compete with other people in their lives. If these are the reasons you buy presents for your daughter then you need to urgently address that because it's deeply unhealthy. If, on the other hand, you buy presents because you love your child and want to bring her joy, then it doesn't matter at all what anyone else buys - as long as they are giving in the same spirit.

Be happy for your daughter!

Personally I would not decline the gifts as it's only your DD who will miss out. It's a wonderful thing for a child to have lots of love and support behind them as life can be tough and very challenging. I think you should let your DD enjoy this while she can as when her DSis has her own children the gifts may be less plentiful.

A sister wants to buy her sister presents

It is not about you, I think this needs to be a signature on every post it seems these days

But it does matter actually. It affects how big sister feels. I was in a similar situation with my nephew, I spoiled him quite a lot, of course he wasn’t my child but until DD arrived he was “the most important child” for me.

You are not being undermined.

What you do is make sure your DD has made a gift / chosen something small for her sister, and you accept it with gratitude that her sister loves her.

So much on here about how if Dad has a kid once your X old with some other woman you'll never see them like a sibling etc. She does. She loves her sister. It isn't top trumps. DD won't love her more.

You could spend £400 on the PERFECT present and your DD will fall in love with the £5 tat Aunt Edna got from the charity shop. That's kids. Stop trying to make this about you. It isn't about you.

Sibling relationships are likely the longest we will have in our lives.

Your DDs sister has done a good thing. Why should your DD not glorify her sister? My DS (12) has always “glorified” his older sisters (my DDs aged 22 and 19). It’s lovely. Last year they took him on holiday to France. I was entirely supportive of it. Not jealous.

The sibling bond is truly special when it works well. Saying or doing anything about this would be horrible. You are making it about your feelings. It is not about that.

Zombie

OP, I say this kindly, just think about how many threads we have about older siblings/half siblings/step siblings either ignoring or being mean to younger siblings. Your DD has an older sister who loves her and treats her well. Be thankful and take your DD to choose a gift for her older sister. It's not a competition about who loves your DD the most or who buys her the most gifts.

My older sister did that for me and my younger sister too. It's lovely.

Oh no.
How did that happen lol

What's wrong with glorifying her older sister? I glorify mine, and the closeness of our relationship brings me great joy.

Gaaah sorry