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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs older sister buying presents

70 replies

eelieza · 02/12/2022 22:10

I have a 6yo and shes got an older adult sister, theyre very close and does a lot for her. but older sister is not mine, and I'm not with the dad any more.
My DD's older sister she has told some of the family/me what she's got for my 6yo and in all she has spent a few hundred pounds
I got lots of small gifts for dd and one "big" one whereas she got a few "big" gifts so it outshines what I have bought.
I'm sure she is only thinking about her sister and not meaning it to be horrible.
I'm not sure what to call how I feel about it.
Each christmas we give/recieve token gifts so I didnt think I needed to mention its out of order, or is it?
Theyre very nice gifts and although this is very kind of her I dont feel like its her place.
Or should I just accept them because its about the kids?
Everyone told her it would be too much before she bought them and she did it anyway.
To give some back story she wants her own children but her husband wants to wait.
I dont feel comfortable accepting/declining the gifts so am on the fence about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
eelieza · 03/12/2022 12:17

I'm somewhat surprised by these responses then. I already know it wasnt done with any bad intentions. I just dont want dd to glorify her sister. DD doesnt know the value of money but she knows that some toys are "cooler" than others. I guess I feel undermined?

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 03/12/2022 12:23

Just let her, she obviously loves her sister and isn’t doing it in a spiteful way.

I’m much older than my youngest siblings and when I became an adult with my first well paying job I used to buy them lots of things as I loved them and wanted to share it.

Sirzy · 03/12/2022 12:25

Don’t punish your daughter because of your insecurities. It’s lovely that even with such an age gap they are close.

DuchessDandelion · 03/12/2022 12:27

Yabu

Why can't she glorify her sister?

DinaofCloud9 · 03/12/2022 12:27

Ah this is quite sad. What a nice sister she is. Your daughter is lucky to have people who love her.

Hattie72 · 03/12/2022 12:30

YABU

Blondlashes · 03/12/2022 12:31

Your Dd will never love her sister more than she loves you.
The role of a fun sister/Aunty brings so much joy to your DD. That is a wonderful thing.
As someone who lives far from family I can tell you that children love the attention that a fun family member brings to their life. But their parents are always the one they go to for love, reassurance and security.
Isnt it lovely that Dds sister wants to be in her life? The most positive roles models and love the has the better.
And you get to benefit from that too as your Dd is happy and learning how to form positive relationships

pechecreme · 03/12/2022 12:32

You would rather your young daughter had less, just so you didn't feel 'undermined/jealous'? That is really sad actually.

And you don't want her to glorify her sister, who is presumably working hard, earning decent money, and is then kind enough to be sharing it with her younger sister? If anything you should want your daughter to aspire to be like that!

bloodyeverlastinghell · 03/12/2022 12:38

When I was an adult pre children one of the nicest things about Christmas was buying presents for small relations. I think it’s nice for your Dd to have an extended family that care about her. I know you’re not with the father anymore but perhaps they are demonstrating they still think of her as family.

You could always put some stuff away for later if it’s overwhelming.

Floralnomad · 03/12/2022 12:43

YABU and a bit pathetic , Christmas is not about who can buy the best presents and if you’ve bought your daughter up to think like that then you should change that straight away . FWIW it’s often the smaller , cheaper gift that becomes the most loved / played with .

Itsabitnotcold · 03/12/2022 12:46

I think she loves her sister, is dreaming about her own children and what she'd buy them. And is probably excited about her increasing income and has few people to really spend it on.
Accept them, appreciate them, value the relationship. And older sister like that can be such a fantastic thing for a child to have, it's a really special relationship.

pizzaHeart · 03/12/2022 12:49

My sister’s much older and I was spoiled by her a lot, it didn’t affect my relationship with my Mum but my mum being not very supportive in other issues did. So the morale is to give your daughter lots of love and support it’s the main thing.

karendrury · 03/12/2022 12:50

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

notdaddycool · 03/12/2022 12:54

Let it be, she probably has limited calls on her income, son she will have bills, maybe a partner and they will drop down in value.

FlissyPaps · 03/12/2022 13:00

If you think she’s trying to outshine you then that’s your own insecurities.

No one can outshine you. Ever. You’re her mother.

This woman obviously loves her younger sister and has the means to buy these gifts. It really isn’t a bad things. She’s not trying to outshine or outdo you.

Always teach your children with gifts it is the thought that counts. Not the price. Or the quantity of gifts.

Trollsintheforest · 03/12/2022 13:16

Yabu and you don’t come across as being a very nice person tbh. It’s not your child’s fault that you are insecure.

Legallypinkish · 03/12/2022 13:18

My kids have an adult sister. I don’t police what she buys. They’re her siblings and she can buy them what she wants.

Just because you’re not her mum doesn’t mean she’s any less of a sister to your daughter.

SpicyFoodRocks · 03/12/2022 13:18

Goodness. This isn’t about you.

What a lovely sister she has.

FlissyPaps · 03/12/2022 13:20

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Outshining how?

Anonykunt · 03/12/2022 13:22

I see your point if you are poor and unable to meet your DD's needs but you need to address your insecurities. If it's just a case of different values let it be. The gifts were bought with thought and love. I, myself, don't have much money and even if I did I wouldn't spend hundreds on my small children for Christmas unless it was very special. My mantra is less is more. My kids' grandparents always spend more than us and it doesn't bother me.

BarbedButterfly · 03/12/2022 13:41

Of course it's her place, it's her sister. I think it's lovely

Notanotherone6 · 03/12/2022 13:43

A 6 year old won't give a damn what things cost. Let her sister treat her. It sounds like they have a lovely relationship that need to be encouraged.

Zanatdy · 03/12/2022 13:44

I think it’s nice, she just doing it as she loves her sister which is nice

Woopzies · 03/12/2022 13:46

Do you need a "place" to buy someone a present...? Who made you the gift moderator!?

aSofaNearYou · 03/12/2022 13:56

Personally unless these are gifts you don't want your DD to have for whatever reason then I wouldn't be worried about being outshone. It's a nice thing, it doesn't have to be a competition.