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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entertaining guests when you’re not a great cook

65 replies

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 02/12/2022 19:25

I have an old friend visiting this weekend. She’s an amazing cook, likes to make everything from scratch, dislikes anything pre-made. She tends to stay occasionally when my DH is working away, as he is the weekend.

I’m not a good cook. I mean, I can feed the kids and not poison anyone but DH does the cooking and I tend to stick with things like slow cooker stews, pasta etc with plenty of veg to make me feel like I’m serving the kids something reasonable. These are often meat-based.

Friend is a vegetarian, and the food she cooks herself is never just basic pasta and salad, veggie chilli etc, she likes to eat more elaborate meals.

Friend was planning on coming late afternoon today, so we discussed dinner. She knows cooking isn’t my forte. Obviously I’m not just going to serve her pasta pesto, but every suggestion of mine was shot down. Nice quiche, gnocchi, filled pasta, I would have got garlic bread and made a good salad, none were acceptable. Doesn’t want takeaway either, even though we have a good choice here of delivery from decent restaurants. Friend finally announced they’d leave later than planned after having dinner first at home.

I can’t decide if I’m in the wrong here, should I have been practising something good and homemade to serve her? Or does have too high expectations if she only wants food of the standard she’d cook at home?

OP posts:
itsthelittlethinggs · 02/12/2022 19:27

Tbh they sound like a dick

SchrodingersKettle · 02/12/2022 19:30

Yanbu. If i was visiting an old friend and felt that precious anout what food got served, I'd offer to bring some food we could all share. Otherwise I'd put up and shut up. I wouldn't let it eat into a nice evening with my friend.

Peashoots · 02/12/2022 19:30

She sounds like an ungrateful rude cow. Id not be inviting her in future if my food wasn’t good enough!

cata09x · 02/12/2022 19:30

Honestly they sound really rude!

SunnyCoco · 02/12/2022 19:30

Yeh that's really rude of your friend.
I'm the crap cook in my friendship groups - people know the expect oven pizza and salad, shedloads of wine, and we all have a giggle!

If not, they can bring a dish 🤷

Ponkle · 02/12/2022 19:31

Your friend is very rude. I love cooking, cook from scratch etc but am so pleased to be catered for or get a takeaway - it's about enjoying your time with your friends. The last thing I want is for a friend to be stressed out about cooking! Also, pasta, garlic bread and salad is lovely and perfectly acceptable 😋

Hopemax · 02/12/2022 19:32

Your friend is rude and ungrateful. Any of those suggestions sound fine.

stuntbubbles · 02/12/2022 19:32

She’s breathtakingly rude! If she’s so fussy and a great cook, she cooks! Otherwise you get what you’re given when you’re at someone else’s house.

Decant a Frey Bentos onto a plate, bash it up a bit, and tell her it’s Nigella’s artisan pie.

fizzyfood · 02/12/2022 19:32

A trip to M and S food might be a good idea. Your friend sounds awful

Original poster
TheOtherBoleynGirls · 02/12/2022 19:33

Ponkle · 02/12/2022 19:31

Your friend is very rude. I love cooking, cook from scratch etc but am so pleased to be catered for or get a takeaway - it's about enjoying your time with your friends. The last thing I want is for a friend to be stressed out about cooking! Also, pasta, garlic bread and salad is lovely and perfectly acceptable 😋

Tbh, part of me does think she’d have a naff afternoon anyway watching me sweat and swear over a meal I’m not confident cooking! And the end results would be likely to be a lot crapper than some posh Waitrose filled pasta and salad.

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 02/12/2022 19:34

Your friend sounds hard work. I’m a vegetarian who enjoys cooking from scratch, but my only response to somebody serving a meal is ‘thank you very much’. If she has such specific requirements then she should tell you what she wants rather than giving you a test you haven’t revised for and making you feel bad when you didn’t get the answer right.

theswoot · 02/12/2022 19:34

Your friend is rude - most people would be pleased to have something cooked for them, even if it was simple, as long as it’s edible!

Original poster
TheOtherBoleynGirls · 02/12/2022 19:36

giving you a test you haven’t revised for and making you feel bad when you didn’t get the answer right ha, yes, that’s so how it feels! The few times I’ve tried to cook from scratch for her it’s felt like the Masterchef critics round…

OP posts:
Apairofsparklingeyes · 02/12/2022 19:36

Your friend sounds like a food snob.

LimitedBiscuits · 02/12/2022 19:37

She's being very rude!

Honestly, if someone is offering to cook for you, in their own home, surely you can't dictate what they cook (beyond the standard allergy / broad dietary choices like vegetarian/vegan or coeliac type thing)???
I have a friend who's a wonderful cook. I'm ok, ish, but it's not my strength. She has the grace to say what I serve is wonderful purely because she didn't have to think, prepare or cook it.

viques · 02/12/2022 19:37

Really rude friend. Another time don’t discuss, just serve whatever vegetarian food you fancy , shop pasta and garlic bread is absolutely fine.

stuntbubbles · 02/12/2022 19:37

Stop making suggestions of what you’re going to cook for her. Decide what you’ll do, and do it. She can like or lump it or call for a pizza – your only job as host is to make it vegetarian and cater for allergies, not jump through her hoops.

SarahAndQuack · 02/12/2022 19:42

She sounds very rude, and overly invested in her reputation as a 'foodie'. IME most people who genuinely like and are good at cooking are also quite able to provide suggestions. I have a friend who used to be a chef and is really brilliant, and she's never been above beans on toast/pasta pesto etc.

CloudBusted · 02/12/2022 19:42

I’m really fussy about food. I’d never do that though. Unless it was going to make me ill I some way I’d eat whatever was put in front of me.

Orangesatsuma · 02/12/2022 19:42

She sounds like a diva. I’d be tempted to serve up quorn nuggets, chips and beans next time just to see the look on her face!

Pebbledashery · 02/12/2022 19:44

Breathtakingly rude. I would be more than happy with garlic bread, shop bought tortellini and sauce and a side salad. Ungrateful cow

Pallisers · 02/12/2022 19:47

She is terribly rude. She has prioritised food over a friendship. What kind of a food snob is she that she has to have a perfect to her standards dinner every night of her life.

I am a good cook and love to cook and wouldn't give a thought to what someone would cook for me - would just be grateful they did and enjoy their company.

Honestly, I wouldn't invite her for a meal again. or if she was coming wouldn't engage in conversation about what's for dinner.

ColdHandsHotHead · 02/12/2022 19:50

If someone offers to cook for me I'm so delighted I'll eat practically anything put in front of me (I draw the line at offal). Your friend is being a cow. Naice pasta and a salad should be fine.

QueenLagertha · 02/12/2022 19:57

She is so rude. I'm mostly veggie. MIL cooks for us regularly and I am delighted with a bowl of soup followed by mashed potato and veg! Wouldn't expect someone to cook a whole meal to suit me!!

Notonthestairs · 02/12/2022 19:57

I don't visit friends for the quality of the food but because I like them and want to spend time with them.

She's being difficult unnecessarily.