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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Entertaining guests when you’re not a great cook

65 replies

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 02/12/2022 19:25

I have an old friend visiting this weekend. She’s an amazing cook, likes to make everything from scratch, dislikes anything pre-made. She tends to stay occasionally when my DH is working away, as he is the weekend.

I’m not a good cook. I mean, I can feed the kids and not poison anyone but DH does the cooking and I tend to stick with things like slow cooker stews, pasta etc with plenty of veg to make me feel like I’m serving the kids something reasonable. These are often meat-based.

Friend is a vegetarian, and the food she cooks herself is never just basic pasta and salad, veggie chilli etc, she likes to eat more elaborate meals.

Friend was planning on coming late afternoon today, so we discussed dinner. She knows cooking isn’t my forte. Obviously I’m not just going to serve her pasta pesto, but every suggestion of mine was shot down. Nice quiche, gnocchi, filled pasta, I would have got garlic bread and made a good salad, none were acceptable. Doesn’t want takeaway either, even though we have a good choice here of delivery from decent restaurants. Friend finally announced they’d leave later than planned after having dinner first at home.

I can’t decide if I’m in the wrong here, should I have been practising something good and homemade to serve her? Or does have too high expectations if she only wants food of the standard she’d cook at home?

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 02/12/2022 21:26

She sounds really rude. I don’t care what food my friends give me, I’m going to see them. I do love pasta and salad. What about a cheeseboard?

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2022 21:26

Agree with everyone else.
She is incredibly rude.
When you go to someone's house, you accept what you are offered - particularly when the host has already made changes to what she would normally be cooking if you weren't there.
Even if you really were dire, she had the option of a takeaway.
So rude.

Sickofcoughing · 02/12/2022 21:38

Oh my god I am aghast. She is beyond rude.

I am really fussy about my food due to health problems. But if someone else is cooking me a meal and asks me what I like I will simply say "whatever you serve up". And I'll mean it.

You're not a restaurant. How dare she dictate like that?

I have a pretty much ex (for various reasons, not this) friend who had a great skill of getting people to do things to suit her and have them feel good about it. She was extraordinarily talented at it. Once I noticed, I could never not see it.

We were at the beach doing a group fitness thing with a few others. I was already irritated by her as I had noticed her trying to get manual labour done in her house for free by my DH. He's in finance also but very handy but he'd be borrowing tools and not particularly fast. I'd interjected when she pushed it and said we have a big list of Todo things in our own house so that's the priority.

Anyway, to get back to food. I said we were going home for Sunday lunch and (as she was alone) asked her would she like to join. The following conversation followed.

Oh I'd love to thank you. What's on the menu?
Chicken and cauliflower mash.
Oh... I really fancy a salad. Remember that lovely one you made with with the squash.
Oh yes I do. I'm glad you enjoyed it. So will you be joining us for chicken?
Could you not do the salad? It was so delicious.
No. I told you what I was doing.
Surely you could keep the chicken till tomorrow.
I could but I won't. Ok shame we won't see you.

Rude demanding pita. I don't miss her.

Mammyloveswine · 02/12/2022 23:00

Is she with you now? What are your food plans over the weekend?!

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 03/12/2022 08:12

Well, she turned up later in the evening having fed herself so no cooking last night. And tonight we will go out. Fuck knows what is happening for lunch though…

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 03/12/2022 08:18

How bizarre.

Surely when old friends meet up, you either go out to eat or get a takeaway? Or if you enjoy cooking and can be arsed, just do a pasta and salad?

Not have to run a menu past her and be judged on your culinary expertise. It's like a 50s style dinner party and your DH has invited the boss and his wife round.

I hope she dishes up Michelin style food at her house, OP! Next time you go, turn your nose up at her food and order yourself a Domino's.

Oblomov22 · 03/12/2022 08:20

I can't believe how rude she is. Why are you friends?

Shoxfordian · 03/12/2022 08:23

She’s really rude - don’t give her the option if you ever invite her to stay again.

NoDairyNoProblem · 03/12/2022 08:25

How bloody rude of her!

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 03/12/2022 08:27

Why don’t you suggest cooking together? Ask what she’d like and say obviously she knows your limits so if she tells you what to buy you can make it together.

personally I never ask guests what they would like, I choose…chef’s perogative. I am always super grateful when someone cooks for me. I think she’s being a bit rude.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 03/12/2022 08:30

They sound rude, if I do say so myself I am a confident and pretty able cook. I am more than happy with an oven pizza if it means I get to see my friend

ItsOverUnder · 03/12/2022 08:32

Suggest a cheese platter for lunch

piedbeauty · 03/12/2022 08:34

Your friend is a rude dick. If anyone offers to cook for me, I'm grateful. I wouldn't dream of telling them what not to cook. Yanbu at all.

Pugdogmom · 03/12/2022 08:40

If someone offered to cook for me, or got prepared food from a supermarket, I'd be delighted. I like cooking for others, but my best friend isn't a cook, but I don't visit her for her cooking. I visit her because she's my friend and I want to spend time with her. Wine and a takeaway is absolutely fine with me!

Dontsparethehorses · 03/12/2022 08:41

I’d firstly not discuss it before she came! Also would be tempted to buy a cook or M&S ready meal, decant into a dish and cook in oven! She will never need to know 😂

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