Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Compulsory Carol Service

31 replies

HelpIcantfindaname · 02/12/2022 17:33

My daughter is at secondary school.

The school Carol service is held at a hired event at 7pm .DD has no special part in the service. She would be part of the audience.

School says this event is compulsory.
They have told the pupils registers will be taken.

(Parents don't have to go but if they do their tickets are £8 each)

AIBU thinking school cannot make an after hours event compulsory?

OP posts:
IsItaCowIsItaPlane · 02/12/2022 17:37

Religious activities cannot be compulsory as fair as I know

RNBrie · 02/12/2022 17:39

What would happen if she doesn't go? Worst case would be a detention maybe? If you don't want her to go and you inform the school you're not allowing her to attend I don't think there is anything they could do about it... no education welfare officer in the country is going to waste time following up a missed Carol Service...!

Winterfellismyhome · 02/12/2022 17:39

Sounds like they're just trying to fill the hall. I would let her stay home

Sonyrecording · 02/12/2022 17:43

You could write to the school saying that you are formally withdrawing her from this part of religious education.

jgw1 · 02/12/2022 17:44

HelpIcantfindaname · 02/12/2022 17:33

My daughter is at secondary school.

The school Carol service is held at a hired event at 7pm .DD has no special part in the service. She would be part of the audience.

School says this event is compulsory.
They have told the pupils registers will be taken.

(Parents don't have to go but if they do their tickets are £8 each)

AIBU thinking school cannot make an after hours event compulsory?

Surely she just gets a sudden illness that evening, that is better by the following morning?

TrashyPanda · 02/12/2022 17:44

Tell them she can’t get there under her own steam, therefore will not be attending.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 02/12/2022 17:46

Say she has an out of school activity that takes priority

shreddiesandmilk · 02/12/2022 17:48

Is this a private school? Ours stipulates attendance at a small number of events/services each year. We always quite enjoyed the Carol service but we did have to go

LIZS · 02/12/2022 17:50

Is it marked for attendance? It may be compulsory as a school session, in lieu of a half day at another time.

Ponderingwindow · 02/12/2022 17:54

Our secondary school does have some optional classes that if you sign up for them, you agree that there will be out of school hours obligations. Those obligations never include seat filler.

Gingernan · 02/12/2022 18:04

Is this a faith school? If so, you kind of signed up for this.If not,no... I wasn't in the choir of my grammar school ( religious up to a point) but there were other carols we all joined in with.Nice part of Christmas.

MissyB1 · 02/12/2022 18:07

Ds private school does the same thing, but we don’t pay to go to any services! Why would you be paying??
We do love the carol service though.

Howamihere · 02/12/2022 18:17

Am assuming this is a private school or a state school with a religious leaning? If either of these then YABU - when you sign up to either you know what you’re signing up for and to be part of these events. Don’t like it then change school. If it’s a normal secular comp or grammar then YANBU.

LlynTegid · 02/12/2022 18:21

Seems contrary to the Equalities Act and the option of anyone to remove a child from an act of worship, if that is still part of the law.

If you look at who is more likely to work evenings and therefore have to make adjustments to childcare arrangements to get them there, I'd guess it's less likely to be white middle class families.

DuplicateUserName · 02/12/2022 18:22

Howamihere · 02/12/2022 18:17

Am assuming this is a private school or a state school with a religious leaning? If either of these then YABU - when you sign up to either you know what you’re signing up for and to be part of these events. Don’t like it then change school. If it’s a normal secular comp or grammar then YANBU.

when you sign up to either you know what you’re signing up for and to be part of these events.

How do you know this? Unless parents have actually signed a form that says they accept that out of hours events are compulsory, the school are in the wrong.

Notanotherone6 · 02/12/2022 18:22

Don't make up an excuse, just say no. It's obviously not compulsory.

Freakeout · 02/12/2022 18:26

My school did this. Same for sports days. All in the t&cs my parents signed as it was a religious independent school.
Are you in the North East by any chance?

Hadjab · 02/12/2022 18:31

DuplicateUserName · 02/12/2022 18:22

when you sign up to either you know what you’re signing up for and to be part of these events.

How do you know this? Unless parents have actually signed a form that says they accept that out of hours events are compulsory, the school are in the wrong.

Show quote history

You literally do sign a form, for some schools, acknowledging that your child/family will attend a specified set of events during the school year, some of which are outside of school hours, and it's not just Independents. My oldest's primary school did this.

CorvusPurpureus · 02/12/2022 18:39

The school I last taught at in the UK did this for Presentation Evening (GCSE certificates & the like).

We finished the school day at lunchtime, then kids & teachers involved in the festivities (musical interludes etc) bused down to the Town Hall to rehearse.

Everyone else was supposed to rock up in the evening. Dc compulsory, dps free to attend or drop off & pick up.

If they ever had all turned up, we'd have been roughly 300-500 over fire capacity, so luckily quite a number of families quietly voted with their feet.

Form tutors were expected to take a register & there was much talk of 'unauthorised absence'.

At 7pm in the town centre, when most of our kids were routinely bused in from surrounding villages? We didn't have a leg to stand on!

OP, I wouldn't lose sleep over any of this. If it is not reasonably workable, then it just isn't.

Ghostofborleyrectory · 02/12/2022 18:40

My child is at at a grammar school and has been told it is compulsory to attend a service at local church in his school uniform on a Saturday. He is not happy- neither are we as the tickets have sold out so we can't even see him miserably miming along.

Original poster
HelpIcantfindaname · 02/12/2022 19:25

@Freakeout yes, it's in the North East.

It's not a private school but it teaches Creationism.

I'm not a practising Christian but I love a Carol service. However, I can't go & be in a crowded venue due to a compromised immune system because I'm on chemo.

My DD does not like school much & has a lot of anxiety around it. She has recently been diagnosed as autistic. She's in Yr 9 now, Covid prevented Carol services when she was in Year 7 & 8.

We have found the school she attends is not great with pastoral care, & I've been trying to get her into a smaller school since the middle of Year 7.

She won't be going. I will email the Head of Year with a reason/excuse. DD is worried about getting a detention.

Thank you for all of your replies.

OP posts:
Freakeout · 02/12/2022 19:30

Yeah, probably my old school. 20 years ago but we would get detention as the contract signed by our parents made it clear there would be compulsory out of hours events. 3 per year. Carol service and presentation evening at City Hall. Sports day at the stadium

FasterthanBolt · 02/12/2022 19:34

Not a private school but teaches creationism? Crikey, I really hope you can move her asap! Just tell them you can't get her there and keep her off.

Ericaequites · 02/12/2022 19:35

They teach Creationism? Do they also teach Flat Earth in Geography? Is her head of school from Texas?

Namechange567775 · 02/12/2022 19:36

Name changed for this… I think I work at this school! Believe me, it’s a bone of contention amongst the staff too. Solidarity with you.