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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date

43 replies

Strawberryshortcake28 · 02/12/2022 16:41

I have been chatting to a man online for a few months we have arranged to meet for drinks in town tomorrow for a first date

I live in the city he lives just outside
He sent me a text today saying would it be possible if he could come to my house for predrinks and leave his car at mine then we would go for drinks and he would stay on my sofa and drove home the next day as Saturday night is difficult to get a taxi and it would cost him 30 pound each way

I said I'm not comfortable with that as it is our first meet and I'm a young woman living by myself I have to be careful

He then told me he was disappointed and that he didn't see what the big deal was and we would rearrange for another time

Aibu
When we arranged the date he never mentioned this also it is a bit unattractive that he won't pay the taxi fair
Now the plans have been cancelled after mr arranging a baby sitter/ getting treatments all week to look nice for him

OP posts:
MishaBukvic · 02/12/2022 16:44

Oh god, no no no NO!! don't do it. What a pratt, he's just after a shag

Don't let him pressurise you in to this

TeaAndBrie · 02/12/2022 16:45

you definitely did the right thing, trust your instincts and never put yourself in a vulnerable position.
if he postponed because of this then unfortunately he’s proven that his intentions were dubious.
if he was keen to see you then he could’ve made plans to get a taxi/bus/stayed at friends / driven etc.
do not feel bad about this
I’m sorry, I know OLD can be exhausting but there are some good ones out there xx

CharlotteRose90 · 02/12/2022 16:45

He wanted sex not a date. Glad you realised before accepting. Invite your friends round and have a girls night.

AuntyPeanut · 02/12/2022 16:46

Do not do it he is saying this to hint about sex

Itloggedmeoutagain · 02/12/2022 16:47

No

dontputitthere · 02/12/2022 16:47

Lucky escape

Block and move on. What a dick

Agree he probably just wanted a shag. But to give you shit over it instead of saying he understands obviously it's overstepping would be an instant red card

This is a warning. Anything you don't agree with him he'll make you feel bad and doubt yourself.

You don't need to doubt yourself. Your instincts are right. This one is no good.

TeaAndBrie · 02/12/2022 16:48

Really interested to see why someone has voted you as unreasonable?!

KimberleyClark · 02/12/2022 16:50

Bullet dodged. Well done.

Blossomtoes · 02/12/2022 16:52

Strawberryshortcake28 · 02/12/2022 16:41

I have been chatting to a man online for a few months we have arranged to meet for drinks in town tomorrow for a first date

I live in the city he lives just outside
He sent me a text today saying would it be possible if he could come to my house for predrinks and leave his car at mine then we would go for drinks and he would stay on my sofa and drove home the next day as Saturday night is difficult to get a taxi and it would cost him 30 pound each way

I said I'm not comfortable with that as it is our first meet and I'm a young woman living by myself I have to be careful

He then told me he was disappointed and that he didn't see what the big deal was and we would rearrange for another time

Aibu
When we arranged the date he never mentioned this also it is a bit unattractive that he won't pay the taxi fair
Now the plans have been cancelled after mr arranging a baby sitter/ getting treatments all week to look nice for him

No fucking way. The alarm bells are deafening.

mrsbitaly · 02/12/2022 16:53

Such a shame but you were absolutely right and if he can't see how vulnerable of a situation that is when you haven't even met then he really isn't the kind of person I would want to meet.

potchy · 02/12/2022 16:57

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Ihatethenewlook · 02/12/2022 17:01

Jesus Christ. He sounds like he belongs on some sort of list. At best he was just after a shag. At worst you were in serious danger. I’m sorry you wasted all this time, but throw this one straight back!

PickyEaters · 02/12/2022 17:05

Sofa my ass. You had a lucky escape. Don't meet up with this lying cheapskate.

amylou8 · 02/12/2022 17:06

Unreasonable to ask. Very unreasonable to strop when you refused. I'd be blocking this one.

pinkfondu · 02/12/2022 17:07

Nope you did the right thing x

ThirtyThreeTrees · 02/12/2022 17:14

He could get a bus/mate to drop him off/arrange a date at a more convenient time etc. Loads of better options.

He has already told you he's tight, pushy & cheeky.

Totally made the right call.

minticecreamisjustok · 02/12/2022 17:19

I wouldn't chat for months before a first meet as it's such a waste of time when something like this happens. No decent man would invite himself to yours on a first date, he's a tight fisted creep.

notnowB · 02/12/2022 17:22

Fuck that. Bin him off right away!

ICanHideButICantRun · 02/12/2022 17:23

FFS is he insane? How insensitive is he that he can't see how wrong that is?

FOJN · 02/12/2022 17:28

He then told me he was disappointed and that he didn't see what the big deal was and we would rearrange for another time

Disappointed was he? Manipulative arsehole. It's obvious to anyone that it's unwise to tell someone your address, nevermind let them sleep on the sofa on a first date.

You have seriously dodged a bullet. Please block this man and do not entertain the idea of rearranging the date.

GlassDeli · 02/12/2022 17:30

That's a definite No Way!

1FootInTheRave · 02/12/2022 17:31

Lucky escape.

lamaze1 · 02/12/2022 17:36

Yanbu! You're very sensible and did well to rebuff him pushing back against your sensible boundaries. Don't rearrange. As others have said, block him.

BabyFour2023 · 02/12/2022 17:41

Does he know you have a child? He is a twat anyway, well done for dodging this one OP, but he wanted to sleep on the sofa and your child would be at home with a babysitter?
block block block!

Sonyrecording · 02/12/2022 17:49

Bin him and don't look back.