To think the GP is wrong about miscarriage

[Digitalash]

Me and DH are TTC, I suffered a missed MC in July and then this month my period was a few days late on as well as having a few minor symptoms such as everything spelling weird/different and being super tired.

I took a test yesterday and it was positive (but faint) and then last night i got horrible cramps and started bleeding. I know it's early so there isn't much anyone can do but I rang the GP explained what had happened, took another test, still positive, he said I needed to come and do a test there.

I did and the test at the GP's was negative so he said its just a late period and he doesn't know why I'm here (he was really insensitive in general) i said but they were positive at home though and I didn't think you could get false positive? And he said that the test he is looking at is negative so maybe I am mistaken(???)

I know it's very early on and very common but we have been try for a year and now after another miscarriage I'm just gutted and for him to dismiss made me think I am going crazy?

I have attached a picture of the test from this morning so people can tell me if I am.losing my mind. If I'm not though AIBU to complain to my surgery about him?

I'm worried now it won't go down on my records as a miscarriage and as me being hysterical instead and may delay help in the future etc. If I need it

the fact there's nothing they can do is neither here nor there. we still deserve caring and humane treatment. the handling of my miscarriage (at 10 weeks) was the awful because of this reasoning and it was horrible.

Tbf I don't think the op actually expected the doctor to do anything, she just wanted it acknowledged and recorded so it was on her records hardly expecting the earth. I mean are we actually at the point we accept unkindness and insensitivity from gps cos they are busy?

@Nightwithhertrainofstars you may be right, but I was told that it is only a miscarriage once the pregnancy is properly established. Chemical pregnancies end before that point and you essentially have a late period that is slightly heavier than normal.

It doesn't make it less upsetting. And from my point of view, the pregnancy was wanted and the symptoms were unmistakable even before the test was positive. E.g. My boobs had gone up several cup sizes virtually over night and were extremely uncomfortable. Looking back, I think this was evidence that something was wrong.

Nobody is denying the way the NHS handles miscarriages needs a big injection of cash and training. My 12 week one was an absolute car crash. But a chemical pregnancy has little to no risk for the mother, and is too early to be seen even by EPU.

I know somebody who treats her chemical pregnancy and her 9 week loss exactly the same, but I personally found them very very different.

I'm another saying that it can be possible to have a miscarriage like bleed - and still be pregnant. When I was 8 or 9 weeks pregnant I started to miscarry, having been told by the GP that the home tests are considered 100pc accurate by doctors, who don't like to do the dip-stick in urine tests any more (for various reasons - cost and time efficiency, I thought at the time), so I was definitely pregnant. Was referred to the early pregnancy unit in the hospital for a scan to check that I'd passed everything, a week later (it was the Easter bank holidays, so there was a bit of a delay). Well, it turned out that I'd been carrying twins, miscarried one, and... the other one celebrated his 18th birthday last month.

Even almost 19 years ago, when I was using over the counter pregnancy tests to determine the pregnancy, GPs considered them 100% reliable. Think how the technology of them has advanced in almost two decades!

So there is every possibility that something similar might have happened in your case, @Digitalash - but if, sadly, not, then yes; a miscarriage should always be recorded in our medical records. However early. It takes a few seconds for a GP to type in the words "patient believes that she may have been pregnant, experienced a heavy period-like bleed, potential miscarriage" for future reference, should intervention be needed. It ought not to be dismissed - because what happens if you have a situation like mine, where a woman loses one embryo but not the second, is told she's no longer pregnant, and goes out and gets drunk as a way of coping with her loss? It happens (I didn't, by the way, as I had a gut feeling that I was still pregnant, but I know women who have lost a pregnancy and tried to drink their pain at that loss away for a few weeks).

As someone who has had 2 MMC's (12 weeks and 9 weeks), if I had a "chemical" (which is still
A very early miscarriage) I would be incredibly sad. Trauma and grief are still trauma and grief.

He sounds very insensitive, especially knowing it’s such a sensitive topic.

Tbh I’m not sure why you even went to the gp though.
There’s nothing they could have done and it probably would have made you feel worse even if he wasn’t such a dick.

I personally would take a photo like you have and write in your diary every time you get a positive test and have a miscarriage.

Then ask to see a fertility specialist and tell them about what you’ve been experiencing.

I’m sorry you’ve had such a horrible experience.

Just for those who are seeking fertility treatment, best to not mention a miscarriage as this confirms you can get pregnant, I would advise you to say that you've been trying and have never got pregnant, you'll receive possibly quicker and more in depth investigation by your gynae team.

@theydontspeakforus exactly. I have had at least 5 chemical pregnancies. over the years. I always referred to them as miscarriages because they had positive pregnancy tests and felt like I was losing a baby. Recently though I have started to feel as though according to the rest of the world they weren't 'real' losses and that I have been overstating and exaggerating my situation. I feel like a fraud now for telling people all these years how many miscarriages I had.

@realsavagelike sometimes it can be a bit of a grief competition. No one's grief is invalid - especially if you lose a much wanted pregnancy / baby. I am currently 6 weeks pregnant following 2 MMC's and I'm terrified. A loss at this stage would be just as hard as my loss at 12 weeks.

I don't want to turn it in to a competition of what is worse o'r not, I think everyone's feelings are valid and tbh with my other MMC that was discovered on my 12 week scan in some respects that was easier than this as I had had no pregnancy symptoms and always felt something was wrong, (baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and I had a d&c as they weren't sure if it was molar)i think i had prepared myself for bad news subconciously but this one felt different, I had all the "classic symptoms" and felt hopeful this time.

I understand people saying why did you go the GP but equally I didn't have a midwife yet (obviously) I felt like I should be doing something? Maybe I was wrong but regardless so was his attitude.

Thank you for all the positive stories, I don't thunk mine will be one and I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm not a drinker or smoker anyway so not alot changes lifestyle wise.

I am still bleeding but will test again in a week to make sure they are negative and at the very least everything has passed.

Thank you also for all your replies, it's not a nice subject and it's nice to just get different opinions and perspectives.

@Digitalash I didn't mean anyone here was making a competition - I'm really sorry if that's how my post came across, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

@theydontspeakforus you didn't don't worry :)

I'm so sorry, OP. Just adding to the other people saying it's normal not to have 'evidence,' and also (unfortunately) normal for GPs not to be terribly sympathetic. The first time I miscarried my GP made me feel like a total idiot for bothering him by coming in. But all the other medics I've seen through the recurrent miscarriage service subsequently have been excellent and much more sensitive, so I really do recommend pushing for some intervention, even if your GP is being a bit of a pain.

So sorry you are going through this.
Can't believe you doctor, people like that should not be in that role. You are obviously right about the tests being very unlikely to give a false positive.
Can you ask to change doctors? You need a supportive doctor during this process.
You'd be well within your rights to complain.

Emotionally pregnancy is not a linear thing, with people feeling a little more pregnant with every day that passes. There is an almighty jump from "not pregnant" to "pregnant" the first time you see that positive line on a test. Their whole life lies before you. For this reason people miscarrying at 8 weeks don't feel one week's worth of greater hurt than those miscarrying at 7 weeks.
The physical symptoms will vary with time, but I don't think for most women it's the physical side that causes the most lasting problems.

YANBU, OP.

A chemical pregnancy is a miscarriage, just a very early one. You were still pregnant, and the pregnancy still ended. Of course the physical and emotional impact of losing a pregnancy at 5 weeks is not the same as losing one at 8 weeks, or 10 weeks, or 12 weeks, just as the physical and emotional impact of having a miscarriage at 12 weeks is not the same as having a stillbirth. But in all cases they are pregnancies which don’t result in the birth of a living baby.

In your position I would want this in your medical records so that if you have a third loss you can pursue recurrent miscarriage testing.

I probably wouldn't go back to the GP now, but if you do have another loss you should go back to him and say you've now had three losses and you want to be referred. And if he won't refer you, go to another GP and explain that you've had three losses but one was early and your GP refused to note it.

I'm sorry for your loss. :( I also don't think you did anything wrong by going to the GP. After a year of ttc, they should refer you to a fertility specialist. The mere fact that you can get pregnant doesn't mean that you don't need any help.

I had 2 early miscarriages (both ectopic), then referral to the fertility clinic in Bristol. We had DS after they cleared my tubes. I've since had another 4 early mcs ...two of those ectopic (followed by removal of my left tube), the third and fourth as part of IVF when the embryo implanted but simply didn't develop further...
I've been seen by the EPU (back when we still lived in the UK) every single time and they had me on their high priority list. They were usually really lovely, even if there was nothing anyone could have done. When we moved abroad, my gynaecologist was a little easy-going to begin with. I don't think she quite believed me when I said I'd need help when ttc #2. But it's now 4 mcs later and she's very much on the ball. I get an appointment immediately after a positive test. They are really good at squeezing me in and supporting me with the stuff needed for my IVF treatment.

I was in a similar position earlier this year having had a MMC and then two chemical pregnancies. First doctor said the last two didn't count as I hadn't taken a test at the GP and it wasn't on record. Very upsetting as it felt like I wasn't believed.

I got a second opinion at the same surgery and they said the other GP was being very unreasonable expecting me to come in for a test every time my period was late so there was a 'record'. It wasn't policy and they were talking nonsense basically and I was referred for testing straight away.

Feel free to try again but in the absolute worst case that it happens again (wishing you all the luck that this won't be the case) try a different GP.

So sorry this has happened to you too

A loss is a loss and any feelings of sadness are completely valid. I thought it was quite well known that it's unhelpful and insensitive to tell a woman who miscarries 'at least it was early'. The amount of posters stumbling over themselves to refer to this as a chemical rather than a miscarriage, when a chemical is a form of miscarriage, is bizarre.

I hope you get the medical support you deserve OP which obviously includes documenting this loss.

@NalaNana I only referred to my last two losses as chemical pregnancies to differentiate that they were earlier than my MMC which was recorded in my medical records as I needed medical management at the hospital. So the OP knows it was a similar level of dismissal from my GP

I'm well aware they are miscarriages/losses thank you

@LaForza101 I was referring to comments like "a loss this early on it counts as a chemical pregnancy rather than a miscarriage" earlier on in the thread that only serves to be unhelpful.

I know people who lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks and shrugged it off as 'not a baby' but that doesnt mean everyone else who feels it shouldn't.

OP has reached the infertility threshold, infertility can be devistating and to FINALLY see a line just to have it ripped away is heartbreaking.

OP needs medical investigations and is entitled to them, she has every right to go to the doctor and doctors arent only reserved for things that have 'risk to life'.

@NalaNana Ah that's fair enough, it's just the immediacy of the comment against mine that got me on edge.

I totally agree they are both miscarriages and it is silly to say a CP isn't. Where is the line where it becomes a miscarriage then? But I do think it is useful to have a term for those really early losses as I needed early intervention and that may not have happened if they made me wait until it was more established. So it was useful for GPs to understand what was going on

@LaForza101 I don't really have an issue with the term chemical pregnancy, I just find it dismissive when others say that it isn't a form of miscarriage because it feels like they are attempting to degrade or invalidate it which can be hurtful 😔 a lot of the advice I've seen is to mirror the language of the person suffering the loss, so as not to invalidate their experience.