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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you single by choice, single long-term, or happily single?

29 replies

tabbysarerude · 02/12/2022 12:34

I'm not sure if it's once you get to a certain age and hence level of experience. I've had three serious relationships, as in living together.

After the last one I feel so done with it. I have a child and the home being just ours is blissful. I also have animals.

Only tidying up after myself and my babies is the best feeling. I can't honestly see what a man could bring other than money.

What really is so great about relationships, and also isn't being single fantastic?

I enjoy dates, and can go on as many as I like!

OP posts:
Fridaysgirl17 · 02/12/2022 12:38

I'm single by choice & see me staying like this for the foreseeable future,I have 2 boys & they are my world,I have a great family & my last relationship (boys dad) left me unable to see myself with anyone due to the hurt & damage done to me trying to trust anyone,I'd be open to dates etc but I'm happy with just me & my kids 😀

DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA · 02/12/2022 13:37

by choice now.
I've only ever had the 1 relationship, this lasted for 22 years.
he was 17 i was 18 in 99, first for both of us for everything (sexually, romantically etc)

overnight on oct 2020 he left us (me and 2 disabled sons who need 24/7 care) for my best friend who was as close as a sister.

i was a few months off 40 and in fact we were trying for another.
we had a very happy life up until then so no idea why he did what he did, it certainly wasn't for a better life as he went from a dad of 2 to a dad of 10 as she has 7 kids(by 7 different men i may add)all has asd or some disability(in fact she was that overwhelmed we used to help her cope with said kids) and thy had a baby a few months ago so ex became a dad of 10 on paper, he has nothing to do with my 2 since hes left.

it floored me to the point i had an emotional breakdown (new term for nervous breakdown) there was zero signs as we were happy and carrying on as normal so not only did i have to cope with being a single adult i was made a lone parent and a lone carer.
my 10-y old was diagnosed with trauma because of it all
even if he wanted access i wasn't gong to allow it as he caused so much emotional damage. kids wan(ed)nothing to do with him anyway
until then he was a good dad and even better than most men he was a 24/7 carer and we home educate so that as well.

on top of all that dealing with the betrayal of her as well. And losing out on seeing her kids and the life we lived

he went for a 24/7 carer/parent to nothing my kids were 16 and 10 at the time but due to disabilities years younger.
they are 18 and 12 now and still need 24/7 care each.

2 years later i still can't work out why he did it.

so at the moment i have no interest in trusting another man.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/12/2022 13:51

All three 😀

Mummieslncorporated · 02/12/2022 13:53

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/12/2022 13:51

All three 😀

This ⬆️

Getoff · 02/12/2022 13:57

I can't honestly see what a man could bring other than money.

I feel similar, my life is infinitely better without whatever it was ex-DW was supposedly bringing to it. (One reason I'm skeptical of all the threads where women say they do everything is that my ex could have truthfully said similar, yet I was still immeasurably worse off with her aound than doing everything myself.)

I can't see what benefit a woman could bring, other than sex.

I meet up with someone regularly for sex. I don't think she would be such a problem to live with, but when I catch myself thinking about it, I realise there would be no additional benefit.

Getoff · 02/12/2022 13:57

To be fair, I think new woman would say the same about me.

Original poster
tabbysarerude · 02/12/2022 13:58

@DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA WOAH!!!

Wow I'm sorry! I would want to find out what went on there and ask him but good that you moved on. I can see why you wouldn't want anyone again!

OP posts:
ItsRainingCatsAndDogsAgain · 02/12/2022 14:03

YANB at all U, OP.

@DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA @Fridaysgirl17 FlowersFlowers

Stressfordays · 02/12/2022 14:03

I've just split up with a lovely man because I just enjoy being single! I can't cope with sharing my space or having to consider someone else other then me and the kids. It might sound selfish but there is a lovely peace with being single. I wont attempt a relationship again for a very long time.

pointythings · 02/12/2022 14:04

I'm single, initially not by choice - I married a great man, life happened and he became an alcoholic and died before the divorce process could complete. It's been 5 years now since the end of my marriage and I've come to realise that I like being single. Kids are grown up and mostly out of the house, I have cats, I do what I want. I wouldn't have a partner now, my life is good.

Crimbodrama · 02/12/2022 14:07

Happily single by choice, owing to domestic abuse from daughters father, this has put me off having a proper relationship for LIFE. I do have a male friend that I do meet up with for..... ahem reasons, but it's a mutual agreement between us and it suits me perfectly. I would not enter into another proper relationship for an incredibly long time, if ever.

FuckMyLife2022 · 02/12/2022 14:07

All 3.

I’ve been single for 7 years, 3DDs - two teens, one primary aged, I’m 36.

Since being single, I’ve gone to college, completed a degree and a Masters and I start a PhD (with stipend) in January.

I can’t see that a man would add any value to my life.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/12/2022 14:09

I'm not technically "single" (I have a boyfriend), but I'm absolutely committed to never get married or cohabit with a man (or woman) ever again. Wild horses etc.

I like sex and companionship and I like having someone to chat to who knows me inside out. So I'm quite happy to have a significant other in my life as long as there are boundaries against the mission creep of male dependence.

I love living with just my daughter and I and I think most of the stuff that goes with a committed cohabiting relationship is a total con for women. You basically end up being mother to another adult child. Unless you have an unusually progressive man or one who doesn't work at all (which is a problem in itself) you end up doing most of the domestic work, all the emotional work and all the life admin.

I'm fucked if I ever want to be held responsible for knowing where someone's socks are again. I never want to have my life disturbed by someone's desire to watch football. I don't want to have to stop work to cook a meal. I want my daughter to be able to run around the house naked if she wants. I want to be able to do what I like at weekends without worrying about whether it fits in with someone else's plans. Etc etc.

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/12/2022 14:10

All 3

FuckMyLife2022 · 02/12/2022 14:11

Crimbodrama · 02/12/2022 14:07

Happily single by choice, owing to domestic abuse from daughters father, this has put me off having a proper relationship for LIFE. I do have a male friend that I do meet up with for..... ahem reasons, but it's a mutual agreement between us and it suits me perfectly. I would not enter into another proper relationship for an incredibly long time, if ever.

Fuck buddies are great. I have one, see him a few times a year (he’s divorced with a high conflict ex, so has no interest in a relationship), I’ve known him since I was a teen so he’s very much “safe”.

pistachioshells · 02/12/2022 14:18

I think I'm single by 'happenstance'. It's just sort of happened this way. I had one long term relationship about 10 years ago and it took me at least a year to get over it (he cheated) and then I sort of found my groove. I have a job I love, a lovely home, friends and a busy life and though I'm not actively looking for a relationship, I wouldn't be against one either.

It would have to be someone who brought something to my life and to whom I could do that in return. I definitely don't have headspace for some of the game playing I read about on MN!

MostTacticalNameChange · 02/12/2022 14:44

Yep. I have never been happy in relationships- I completely lose myself trying to keep them happy and I get very insecure. Only got into them because of pressure and all the misogynistic bullshit about old maids, being nothing without a man blah blah. Suddenly realised I don't care about that anymore so I can just stop trying. I'll never be happier in a relationship than I am out of one. And I'm not interested in working on my insecurities and relationship issues for something I don't want.

Ted27 · 02/12/2022 14:46

All three

fernz · 02/12/2022 14:49

Yes, all 3 really. If I was to get into a relationship, I would prefer to continue living separately - I can see some good aspects to a long term relationship but not sure sharing my space is worth the sacrifice! I also have four cats and can't imagine anyone wanting to live with them tbh even though I love them of course but it's definitely a bit of a lifestyle choice😂

StarCourt · 02/12/2022 15:43

happily single and have been for 4 years. Divorced DD's dad 10 yrs ago and tried a couple of short relationships in the 7 yrs after that but realised it wasn't what i wanted. i can't be arsed with answering to or living with men anymore. I love sex though and have had a fab buddy for the last 3 years

whyhere · 02/12/2022 21:35

All three, and wouldn't change it for the world!

SpinningFloppa · 02/12/2022 21:46

I’m single but not through choice, have been 5 years, I do miss having someone and sex to be honest! But not cut out for a fwb.

XenoBitch · 02/12/2022 21:48

Been single for years. I am very lonely, and I hate it. But I can could never trust anyone ever again.

RIPhouseplants · 02/12/2022 21:51

I’m happily single after leaving a 16 year relationship. I have 3 kids and I can’t imagine getting a man involved in their lives. Not planning to have any casual sexual relationships either as I’ve never met anyone worth getting a wax for 🤣

georgarina · 02/12/2022 21:54

I have never been in a relationship. I have CPTSD and disordered attachment from my mum being in abusive relationships and I think deep down I just see relationships as scary things that you have to escape from.

I would love to be in a relationship but I can't get any further than the hypothetical. I can't really imagine it.

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