Is looking an ex up cheating?

[littlerayofsunshine0]

Would you say looking up an ex is cheating?
I looked up an ex a few years ago after hearing hed been diagnosed with cancer. I never reached out to him, nor thought about reaching out. I looked him up to read a post he put up about being diagnosed.
To my partner it meant i still have feelings or wanted to contact him and in his eyes its as good as cheating. Ive tried to explain myself many times but because i tried to hide the fact i done this knowing my partner wouldnt be happy he thinks im hiding more. I honestly only looked up his post

Not cheating. It’s curiosity.

Your partner is an immature idiot and if he tries to tell you he’s never looked up an old gf he’s lying.

Of course it isn’t and if your OH thinks it is he clearly isn’t emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.

I look up people - exes, old friends, old colleagues sometimes. No particular reason, just idle curiosity! Your partner is being ridiculous.

Just to clarify my partner walked out on me and the kids 2 months ago... Because he couldn't trust me especially over what I've said in my above post. He had a lot of insecurities with me. I thought it was control but now after listening to him again in a conversation we had last night I feel like I'm to blame.
I only looked this ex up because of the diagnosis. I had no intention of reaching out purely because I knew that would be crossing a line with my partner of 20yrs. Yes this is a childhood ex, I was with him at 16. Then started going out with the father of my kids which lasted 20 yrs until he walked out on us and has now since gotten someone else pregnant which I'm struggling massively to cope with. He's only gone 2 months. Our kids are only 4&5.

He found out by seeing it on my phone which is another reason. He told me If i had just been honest he could've looked past it (but I know that wouldn't have been the case)

that was about 4 yrs ago shortly after the birth of our daughter which then also caused trust issues between us and arguments because I looked this guy up. It didn't matter how many times I tried to explain it was curiosity and because of the diagnosis, even last night, he just made me feel like I was so wrong for doing it that I'm questioning absolutely everything.

Well in that case I’ve ‘cheated’ loads. I mainly do it to find out if they’re ugly now or not 😂

Blimey. I would - and do - contact any ex, for any reason I wanted to, and so would my husband. We're both on friendly terms with some of our exes, and while I wouldn't do this secretly, I wouldn't feel that I needed to expressly tell him either. Or vice versa. Exes are often people who've been important in our lives at some point, and it seems very inauthentic not to acknowledge that. Your partner sounds very controlling and insecure.

I've just read your update. He sounds really horrible tbh, and he's using this as an excuse for leaving you, and making you feel responsible, when in actual fact he was almost certainly already cheating. I'm so sorry, and hope your life improves now you're free of this horrible person.

OP - your ex is simply using this as an excuse to justify his behaviour. I bet there were a million other shitty things he did between finding out about this and when he finally moved out (not least, I assume, shagging some other woman).

You are hurting now but try to see the upside - this controlling wanker is no longer your problem.

I’m glad that he’s now your ex. Please keep it that way, he’s not a good man. Yes he is controlling and it’s not your fault.

is he paying child support? Make sure you get your claim into the CMS now as your children will get less money when your exs other child is born 😥

How many nights a week does he have your children at his house ?

It’s not cheating. The fact your partner is adamant it is and is overreacting so much would make me wonder what he’s been up to himself to come to this totally batshit conclusion.

Of course it isn’t. It’s human empathy.

Just seen he’s now your ex too. My point still stands.

He walked out on you two months ago and already got someone pregnant? Yeah. He’s projecting. More than likely he was cheating on you and doesn’t want to be “the bad guy”.

It’s not cheating, BUT it creates insecurity with your partner, reverse roles would you be happy if he looked up a ex girlfriend!.

if you’re going to do that the circumstances need to be explained, cancer would be a reasonable I’m sure.

This.
You've done nothing wrong.

This!

He was projecting what he knew he was doing onto you, you are so well rid!!

Bollocks.

It sounds like he was already cheating on you before he walked out. You’ve done nothing wrong. Just keep this cheating, bullying man as an ex. As for looking up your childhood sweetheart, so what. You were probably concerned about a man, you had such strong feelings for when younger. My dh and I have been married for longer than you. He is in contact with his from time to time with his ex and we socialise with someone he slept with. No issues there.

So how does he know you looked? By the way no you've done nothing wrong. Is he looking through your phone?

Just read the update. You've dodged a bullet. He's awful.

Of course it isn’t cheating. Everyone does it. Your boyfriend is being weird and the question is, why is he trying to find an excuse for a row?

That’s ridiculous! I’m still friends with a couple of mine, I think that’s very controlling.

I my view it’s simply about the intention behind actively looking someone up, and connected to that, what is done with the information uncovered.

So presumably you would be happy if he looked an ex girlfriend

Yeah I do it occasionally to find out if my psycho alcoholic violent bad boy ex’s life has imploded yet (he’s now in the public eye and playing at being a model citizen and I’m curious how long he’ll stand the strain before showing his true colours).