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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Angry colleague

37 replies

Blueisthecolour1 · 01/12/2022 19:36

I missed a team meeting earlier this week as I was out on a visit, seeing a client (obviously work-related!). One of my colleagues in the team is going to become a dad in the New Year & at the meeting he apparently shared his good news with everyone. I texted him later to say I’d missed the meeting as was out on a visit, and I assume he shared his news there.

We had been talking some time back & he had hinted at changes to come, saying he would explain soon. Other colleagues had meanwhile filled me in that he was going to be a dad. I’m very excited for him so I sent him the message above.

I got this really abrupt text back from said colleague, saying - Yes, I didn’t see you there at the team meeting, thought you were maybe off. Booking a meeting on team meeting day, you missed (another colleague’s) birthday present & card.

Followed by another text - My news about what?

AIBU to think this is an unnecessarily rude response to what was just a pleasant question? Bearing in mind this person is not someone I know very well, and they’re not senior to me so what right do they have to tick me off about how I arrange my work diary? Im really quite pissed off - no-one else is fussed I missed the meeting, I’ve been to meetings the colleague hasn’t been at. I haven’t replied as I’m not really sure why he thinks it’s ok to talk to me like I’m his subordinate when I was just trying to be pleasant?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 01/12/2022 19:38

What did you reply?

Zanatdy · 01/12/2022 19:40

I’d be sending a sarcastic response saying apologies I’ll be checking with you next time before I book a day off and not even mention the baby news.

Sindonym · 01/12/2022 19:41

I’d just ignore it. Weird response from him but maybe he isn’t good at text tone.

custardbear · 01/12/2022 19:45

I what a dick, work always comes before birthdays, personal news and even meetings if you're not needed and can catch up afterwards (unless it's a 3 line whip from boss)
Tell him you were doing your job, and you hope he grows up'

AuntieSoap · 01/12/2022 19:54

YANBU - he sounds like a sanctimonious arse.

catandcoffee · 01/12/2022 19:57

I'd ignore and not reply. I'd also be very grateful I wasn't his wife/husband/partner

Original poster
Blueisthecolour1 · 01/12/2022 20:08

I feel like texting back & saying some of the replies on here! How effing rude - & weird. This is someone I don’t really know that well, he’s at the same level as me, he’s not my senior. I think I will say nothing though, silence is a powerful message

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueisthecolour1 · 01/12/2022 20:09

@catandcoffee

Yes, I am grateful about that! What an oddball

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 01/12/2022 20:11

Jeeze what an arse

AliceOlive · 01/12/2022 20:12

Yeah, don’t reply.

wordler · 01/12/2022 20:12

You can't always tell tone in texts - might have been said in a jokey way.

SomeBeings · 01/12/2022 20:25

I'd reply to that message.

Can't tell if you are annoyed or joking? I sometimes have to book client visits on meeting days. It's a shame I missed X's present and card but client meetings have to come first. 🤷🏻‍♀️
A few people had told me your baby news.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/12/2022 20:48

SomeBeings · 01/12/2022 20:25

I'd reply to that message.

Can't tell if you are annoyed or joking? I sometimes have to book client visits on meeting days. It's a shame I missed X's present and card but client meetings have to come first. 🤷🏻‍♀️
A few people had told me your baby news.

I think this is a good reply. Ignoring it might make him think he's put you in your place and has shut you up.
And its one way of finding out if he meant to be so rude.

RelapsedChocoholic · 01/12/2022 21:20

Did you actually say ‘I assume [you] shared [your] news there’ because I could read this in a negative / accusatory tone depending on our relationship / how bad of a day I was having!

As in - you’re annoyed I haven’t contacted you to share my news because you weren’t present…

(It’s also a bit cryptic- it doesn’t say congrats, your happy news etc, and you know he shared the news, you don’t need to assume?)

From his reply (‘what news’ / if you’re not there you’ll miss stuff) I’d guess that’s how he has read your message

Tone is very easy to misunderstand in text

(But he could easily also just be an arse, and didn’t read anything negative into your message!)

itsthelittlethinggs · 01/12/2022 21:28

What did your message say
what was their reply??
you clearly aren’t close so not sure why you bothered to message tbh

Blowyourowntrumpet · 01/12/2022 21:33

He's probably pissed off that people have been talking about him becoming a father as he wanted to tell people himself. I can see his point

ScreamingMeMe · 01/12/2022 21:38

Christ, he sounds like some of the posters on here.

Yes, he was rude, especially the dig about you booking meeting - what's it to do with him?

Scarfymcscarface · 01/12/2022 21:41

I don’t really get why you say you’re “very excited” for him to become a father when you’ve also said you don’t really know him that well?

I think your text to him sounds inappropriate and over-invested in his “news” tbh

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 21:54

What time did you text him?

KettrickenSmiled · 01/12/2022 21:58

Booking a meeting on team meeting day, you missed (another colleague’s) birthday present & card.

OBVIOUSLY you need to prioritise your team's personal & social news, & never mind client needs or managing the business ...

I wouldn't give this a moment's thought OP.
It;s just a bit of passive aggressive fuckwittery, available in every UK office.

BellePeppa · 01/12/2022 22:13

Why would a grown man care you missed a colleagues birthday card present and card. How weird and wet of him.

Zooeyzo · 01/12/2022 22:21

I'd go with what @SomeBeings wrote. On the other hand him hinting that changes were coming is he being promoted or thinks he is? Otherwise it's a weird msg he sent back to you.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 01/12/2022 22:24

i'm confused

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 01/12/2022 22:26

Did you congratulate him though or did you just tell him that you assumed that he'd shared the news? Bit weird to mention his news without congratulations if that's what you did, although it's not clear from your post.

It doesn't change the fact that his response was arsey as hell though.

HotPenguin · 01/12/2022 22:30

He sounds a bit odd. It reminds me of the time when a colleague announced their baby news and said the due date was in 5 months time, and another colleague (male) told them they must be mistaken because it takes 9 months to gestate a baby - it couldn't possibly be due in 5 months ...