Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To want to employ someone who doesn't want to bring their child to work with them, and...

46 replies

flowerybeanbag · 31/01/2008 20:16

If being able to bring their child is crucial for them, to expect them to ask if it would be a problem earlier in the recruitment process than in a conversation about interview times?

FFS! This is my unsuccessful nanny hunt. I don't think I am being unreasonable not to want someone else's child running around the house while I am trying to work upstairs and the dog is trying to sleep downstairs and the nanny is looking after DS. I don't need to save money by having a nanny share.

I don't mind candidates asking the question, but one who seemed really good just announced that if she couldn't bring her son with her she wasn't interested. This is after lengthy email correspondence with her asking good questions about the job, the hours etc! Surely IANBU to think she might have asked earlier rather than waste everyone's time?

ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!

Feel free to say IABU, I don't care, I am fed up with looking for a nanny and they're all annoying me.

OP posts:

CaptainUnderpants · 31/01/2008 20:27

Why dont YOU say from the outset that no children will be allowed ?

Problem solved .

madamez · 31/01/2008 20:29

CU is right: if it's that big a deal to you, then it's your job to state it in your advert. THough to an extent your applicant probably should have mentioned it earlier, she may badly need the job and think it a trifle unreasonable of someone who is employing a nanny to mind that much about the presence of another child in the house. Or do you not want your PFB associating with the common children of the domestic staff?

Maveta · 31/01/2008 20:33

maybe she was hoping that through the pre interview discussion of the job you would get a feel for her being a strong possible for the job (as you did) and that would help you look more favourably on her request?

Original poster

flowerybeanbag · 31/01/2008 20:34

madamez, that's spectacularly unfair! I have no problem with DS associating with any number of children, but I think it's my right as the employer to decide for myself whether I want another child in the house while I am working from home. Which I don't.

It is not my job to state in the advert that I don't want someone to bring their child to work, that's ridiculous. However it seems I might have to do that. As I said, I don't mind them asking the question but I do mind if it is that important for them to be able to bring their child to work that they ask before we get to the stage of arranging an interview.

OP posts:

soapbox · 31/01/2008 20:38

Of course you are not unreasonable to expect her to have told you that she wanted to bring her child to work with her - it is a major part of the negotiation process.

I think she has probably deliberately 'forgotten' to tell you about her child! I suspect she has found it hard to find a job where she brings the child along and so chooses to leave it out of the equation until she has the prospective employer on the hook. I think such underhand behaviour would make me nervous trusting her with the care of my children.

I have had a nanny who brought her own child to work and it really didn't work very well for me or the children.

Original poster

flowerybeanbag · 31/01/2008 20:45

Exactly. Thank you soapbox.

This lady seemed good and it was very frustrating of her to throw that into the discussion so late.

OP posts:

quint · 31/01/2008 20:51

YANBU

In no other job advert does it state that you are not allowed to bring your child to work, why should a nanny advert be any different!

It was the woman's responsibilty to ask if it was an option. Maybe she has had trouble fnding such a job so thought she would dazzle you with how good she was and then you might be inclined to give it a go.

Are you doing the search by yourself or through an agency?

Quattrocento · 31/01/2008 20:53

I think you are being perfectly reasonable. Your infant will get lots more attention from someone who is unencumbered.

CaptainUnderpants · 31/01/2008 20:56

YANBU to want to have a nanny without her/his own child but if you are finding it a problem as potential nannies would like to bring their own children then you must state from the outset , saves you and them alot of wasted time .

Makes perfect sense .

smeeinit · 31/01/2008 21:00

it is quite common practice for nannies to bring their own children to work with them.
i know many nannies that take their own lo's with them.
i dont think YABU but i think you do need to state in the ad.

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 21:02

Of course she wouldn't say earlier. Didn't want to queer the pitch. If it happened that in every other way she was perfect, you might be happy to overlook the rampaging child issue. If she has said initially you might not have given her the time of day.

quint · 31/01/2008 21:03

I still don't think you need to put it in your ad. What other things will you have to put in your ad - don;t bring your dog, BF?husband etc.

I've worked as a nanny and in an agency, it is the nannies responsibility to check if it is an option.

quint · 31/01/2008 21:03

I still don't think you need to put it in your ad. What other things will you have to put in your ad - don;t bring your dog, BF?husband etc.

I've worked as a nanny and in an agency, it is the nannies responsibility to check if it is an option.

quint · 31/01/2008 21:04

oops didn;t mean to do that

viggoswife · 31/01/2008 21:06

YANBU to want to employ someone who doesnt want to bring their child. Your job specifications are your choice BUT

YABU to be angry that she didnt mention it. Is it really such a bad thing for her to bring her child? Company for your child etc. When I only had DS I often thought how great it would be to have a situation like that on either side.

soapbox · 31/01/2008 21:07

I think that is usually called lying by omission and I wouldn't employ a nanny that acts that way.

I have never seen ads which state - no other children wanted! The usualy process is that you advertise for a nanny and people respond. Those that respond saying they want to bring their own child are politely turned down (if you don't wish to employ someone who brings their own child).

Being able to trust that the person who looks after your child is truthful and trustworthy is crucial. Someone who pulled this trick, would never make the cut, in my book!

quint · 31/01/2008 21:11

I would be angry, all that time and energy wasted

CaptainUnderpants · 31/01/2008 21:14

But if it is common practice for nannies to bring their own children with them why is she lying by omission ? . If it is common practice then OP needs to clearly say that she doesn't want that.

viggoswife · 31/01/2008 21:17

Isnt it a shame that having a child is such a liability when it comes to getting a job actually looking after another child that people are having to "lie by omission" about it? I am sure that she probably had a few negative experiences before she did this. I dont think she "lied" at all. She witheld a fact that was preventing her from getting a job in the hope that she would be judged on her own merits. It makes me sad that she has to lie about her own child because of these attitudes.

ravenAK · 31/01/2008 21:21

She was presumably hoping to get a foot in the door, as it were, & impress you with her utter fabulousness otherwise so that you'd consider her seriously. Perhaps lots of potential employers would just say 'thanks but no thanks' if she explained earlier...

If it's really a non-starter then probably easiest just to say so in the ad - whether it is or isn't normal practice is neither here nor there: it'll save everybody aggravation & wasted time. (If she'd known that you would never entertain the idea of another child in the house, she wouldn't've wasted her own time on the correspondence either).

Original poster

flowerybeanbag · 31/01/2008 21:30

I am doing the search myself. I do think it's ridiculous to think it's my responsibility to state that I don't want a nanny to bring her child/dog/husband/gerbil with her, but I am pragmatic and it seems changing my ad to state that might not be a bad idea.

I really don't mind applicants asking the question, what irritated me was that we had extensive correspondence about the job, the hours, etc etc and she didn't raise it earlier on, I think that's a bit disingenuous.

viggoswife what makes you think that because I don't want a nanny to bring another child with her that I am not judging her on her merits? I am sure she would be a fantastic nanny, have no reason to think otherwise.

OP posts:

viggoswife · 31/01/2008 21:33

I didnt say you were not judging her on her merits if you read my post. I said that she probably witheld the information in the hope that she WOULD be judged on her own merits maybe having had negative experiences before.

southeastastra · 31/01/2008 21:36

lol bet you wouldn't really mind a nanny bringing her gerbil would you?

Bubble99 · 31/01/2008 21:38

flowery. We have the same thing with prospective nursery employees. We provide free childcare for our more senior staff as part of their deal - but we can't provide free childcare for everyone.

We've had a couple of interviewees who've been surprised when told that they can't bring their child to work with them for free.

blueshoes · 31/01/2008 21:47

flowerybeanbag, I can understand why you are miffed. Did you go so far as to discuss pay? If so, it would be a key part of the negotiations that a nanny with a child would have to accept a discount in pay. If she did not mention it at that stage of negotiations, she is being a tad cheeky.

Flip

1 2