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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to employ someone who doesn't want to bring their child to work with them, and...

46 replies

flowerybeanbag · 31/01/2008 20:16

If being able to bring their child is crucial for them, to expect them to ask if it would be a problem earlier in the recruitment process than in a conversation about interview times?

FFS! This is my unsuccessful nanny hunt. I don't think I am being unreasonable not to want someone else's child running around the house while I am trying to work upstairs and the dog is trying to sleep downstairs and the nanny is looking after DS. I don't need to save money by having a nanny share.

I don't mind candidates asking the question, but one who seemed really good just announced that if she couldn't bring her son with her she wasn't interested. This is after lengthy email correspondence with her asking good questions about the job, the hours etc! Surely IANBU to think she might have asked earlier rather than waste everyone's time?

ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!

Feel free to say IABU, I don't care, I am fed up with looking for a nanny and they're all annoying me.

OP posts:

Lazylou · 31/01/2008 21:54

Bubble99 I'm surprised that prospective candidates are even asking about free childcare! Certainly don't get it round here. When I was working in my last job, I had to pay full rate, same as everyone else and I was a senior nursery nurse. Nearly £800 a month for me to work!

Flowery, hope you get the Nanny issue sorted soon

Bubble99 · 31/01/2008 22:05

What, LL! Not even a reduced place?

To be fair to the interviewees, both of these were for assistant positions and although their CVs were good, neither had previous nursery experience - We often prefer this for assistants, as we can then train them in the way we want them to work (no bad habits etc.)

I don't think they understood OFSTED staffing ratios and assumed that their child would just be an 'extra.'

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 31/01/2008 22:10

Flowery I'd be mightily fed up if I were you.

The recruitment process takes sooooo long anyway without having your time wasted unnecessarily!

If I were a nanny with my own child the FIRST thing I would ask when speaking to a prospective employer would be whether they would be happy for me to bring my child along. For one thing I wouldn't want to get my own hopes up!

Fingers crossed for some better luck for you soon

funnypeculiar · 31/01/2008 22:13

FBB - ring her tomorrow and ask if she has a gerbil. That'll fox her.

callmeovercautious · 31/01/2008 22:14

Hi Flowery Sorry you are having trouble with this. We had problems too hence DD is at Nursery and she is actually really happy there!

I would really struggle to write a contract with her downstairs as I would hear her and want to be playing too

If I hear of anyone good in the area I will put a post out for you. I will even try really hard to find one with no Children (not that we would want to discriminate )

callmeovercautious · 31/01/2008 22:16

Opps - the discrimination comment was an HR joke not a REAL thought. Please don't lynch me

Smamfa · 31/01/2008 22:19

YANBU

Although, I have just employed a lovely nanny with her own child and she (child) will be spending time here during the holidays. All kids are school age so slightly different situation.

And I was desparate to get the position filled.

alfiesbabe · 31/01/2008 22:37

YANBU - why would you state it in the advert? You don't normally put in an advert that someone can't bring their kids along to work with them! Personally I would be wary of someone wanting to bring their kid along anyway - sounds like they think they'll be able to earn easy money without having to pay for their own childcare.

handlemecarefully · 31/01/2008 22:38

YANBU

JennaJ · 01/02/2008 08:36

Im a nanny, who works on a share basis with my own two boys.

'easy money without having to pay their own childcare' thats a little naive...I charge around half the going rate for a live out sole charge nanny in this area. I work damn hard..I work Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, I look after 4 children, run 2 houses (including all shopping and most of the cleaning, all errands etc) because only earn half a wage while dp looks after the children I also work 2 evenings, 2 nights and 1 day at the weekend..so I can earn enough to cover our modest mortgage!!
I was a nanny for 11yrs before I had children..that is my career (and I DO love it) Its not for everyone about 'free childcare' its going back to work just like everyone else for some of us! I can't put my children in childcare because I can't earn more than it would cost me to pay their childcare!!!

My employers benefit too..they get a half price nanny, their children have best friends to play everyday, their nanny is mature, dedicated and reliable and will most likely be around for much longer than a young nanny who often will only stay for 6mnths to a year!

So...what Im trying to say is that although some nannies who want to bring their children to work are 'after free childcare' there are some great deals and some great nannies out there who do have their own children. Im not saying its the right solution for everyone..but its a bit mean to generalise and put us all down!

Jenna

PortAndLemon · 01/02/2008 08:43

I think mentioning it after an interview would be cheeky, but don't see that mentioning it beforehand when discussing setting up an interview is particularly unreasonable.

Millarkie · 01/02/2008 08:47

I don't think you are being unreasonable - if it's imperative that this particular nanny brings her child to work she should have mentioned it at the start of the process.
I have always stated in nanny ads that I would be happy to employ a nanny bringing their own child (because we have done so in the past and it worked ok for us), I wouldn't expect to have to state the opposite.

Good luck and I hope you recruit someone soon.

Original poster

flowerybeanbag · 01/02/2008 09:34

thanks for support everyone. I emailed her back and asked her to confirm that she didn't want to pursue her application further as I was not able to accommodate her child as well, I've not heard back yet but onwards and upwards, the search continues.

I do think it's a positive thing that some employers are able to offer this as a benefit - as Jenna says, in the right circumstances there are benefits for both sides. In our personal circumstances particularly with me working from home, it certainly wouldn't work, and I am fortunate enough not to need the cost savings that would be involved.

I hope this lady manages to find an employer who can offer her what she wants. I am sure she understands as we all do that if we restrict the terms and conditions we are prepared to accept for any job, we automatically restrict the number of employers who can consider employing us, however good we are at the work we do.

(I am seriously considering writing a new ad specifying that gerbils are welcome in the hope that my field of candidates will widen... I wouldn't want anyone to be ruling themselves out because Squeak would be lonely at home and everyone knows gerbil nursery places are hard to come by....)

OP posts:

wannaBe · 01/02/2008 09:48

I don't employ a nanny, but if i did there's no way I would want her bringing her own child - surely that would automatically put my children in second place while in her care - no way.

smeeinit · 01/02/2008 10:38

well said jenna.

CrushWithEyeliner · 01/02/2008 10:49

not the case at all wannaB

JennaJ · 01/02/2008 10:52

Wannabe- A professional nanny will treat all children in her care exactly the same..While yes of course naturally I 'love' my children more than my charges I don't EVER treat them any differently, they all get the same amount of cuddles.. I totally adore my charges and would protect them like they were my own!

Being a mum has absolutly definatly made me a MUCH MUCH MUCH better nanny in every way...!

I know Im getting off topic and I really don't think that YABU flowerybeanbags. In your situation you couldn't have a nanny bringing her own child..and yes they first thing I tell potential employers is that I am a mum and work with my children.

Im just trying to defend nannies like me

Jenna

Original poster

flowerybeanbag · 01/02/2008 14:25

Well, I have re-posted my ad on gumtree again (4th time). But this time I have edited it to say this position is not suitable for someone hoping to bring their own child to work. I thought long and hard but didn't put any specific clauses in about gerbils....

Just a nosy question Jenna, or anyone else; if a nanny is bringing her own child to work, how would things like logistics around taking children out work, with pushchairs/car seats etc, and things like naps for your own child. It's obviously not something I could consider but I am interested in how it would work....

OP posts:

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 01/02/2008 14:29

Hope you get a better response this time around flowery!

Did you manage to make contact with the nanny I put you in touch with? I've just been told that her access to internet connection is erratic so if you doesn't respond immediately that's why........

Original poster

flowerybeanbag · 01/02/2008 14:35

Thanks Christmas! I did hear back very quickly from your contact, unfortunately it's not enough hours for her and also a bit far to travel.

Thanks though!

OP posts:

quint · 01/02/2008 19:32

would have loved to see your reaction and any replies you had if you had mentioned gerbils!!!!

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