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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like other people's kids, even nephews and nieces?

77 replies

Pettv · 30/11/2022 16:03

Maybe not necessarily an aibu, but I'm interested to see if anyone else feels similar or I am just an awful person.

Before I had kids I loved children. I always baby sat and child minded. I worked in a school for a bit, and always paid attention to people's babies and kids. Spoiled my nieces and nephews (only had two at the time).

Now I have two kids under 4, and I find parenting full on. I love my kids and enjoy them, but I just cannot deal with other peoples kids. Friends and family seem fond of mine in a way I am not fond of theirs. It sounds so awful written down.

I just find most of the kids annoying, also have lots of nieces and nephews now and my kids are in no way perfect but I find I just don't have the energy for other kids bad (or normal young kid) behaviour.

Not sure what my aibu is but does anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
ivfbabymomma1 · 27/12/2022 22:23

I treat and interact with children the way I would like people to treat my own.

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 27/12/2022 22:44

A lot of people feel like this. It’s only when childless people say it that people get outraged. Or as I saw on a recent thread, decide that it’s somehow racist.

WakeAwake · 27/12/2022 22:54

Brilliant post! I never liked kids or wanted them.. met DH who really wanted children. After numerous conversations on the matter, I was open to trying. We had our first DS 2 years ago closely followed by DD, both of whom I adore and love and couldn’t imagine life without now!

Since having them I’ve softened towards other peoples kids. Before I was allergic! However kids still annoy me and I dread having nephews or nieces for sleepovers (the few that we agree to!) . But I’m fascinated by my SILs and other adults who genuinely seem interested in my kids and shower them with love and affection. It makes me want to better with their kids but it’s a real struggle. This post has made me realize how normal those feelings are and how many more of us there are! Thank god I’m not the only one who tolerates other peoples kids but tries to look interested (with great exhausting effort at times).

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 27/12/2022 22:54

@Witchcraftandhokum This. It’s really weird.

Falalalallamadahdahdahdah · 28/12/2022 01:04

I work with children and think I'm pretty good at interacting/ getting the best out of kids.

I'm tireder since having my own kids who are still young themselves- less energy to play with others. I'm also more confident in what to expect/ where to draw a boundary/ manage tricky behaviour.

I'm aware my eldest child (7yo) is really hard work and I really appreciate those who have to skill to interact with her/ the patience to see her for a good kid.

I had a small window where I wanted to cuddle babies - now I'm back to scared again. I'm scared of toddlers and pity their parents!

Judgyjudgy · 28/12/2022 01:06

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 30/11/2022 16:04

Children are like farts.

People like their own. Other people’s feel intrusive and annoying.

Ha ha I love this!

Afl · 28/12/2022 01:13

Nope, I'm with you.
I have 2 of my own but I never wanted children. I've always disliked them 😂
Love mine, hate everyone elses.
I never offer to babysit, don't entertain a child if they're near me and I never plan 'playdates' with my friends' children either.

EllaPaella · 28/12/2022 09:40

I feel like this about my dog, adore mine but everyone else's dogs I find a bit irritating, smelly and annoying. I have three kids and actually I find I like most children - would hate to be a teacher but there are only one or two I have found really irritating over the years, not relative's but certain friends of my DC who are a bit spiteful or rude/entitled.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 28/12/2022 10:01

DrunkenBoat · 30/11/2022 16:24

I find the idea of 'liking children' as a whole as weird as the idea of liking all adults. Children are just adults who haven't grown up yet, not some kind of Borg hive mind. Some will be delightful, some will be horrors, just like the adults they will eventually become.

This is how I feel - I don't have any children of my own.

Rockbird · 28/12/2022 10:07

I hate old people. I can't be doing with other peoples parents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles. They're annoying and irritating and boring and I don't want to have anything to do with them. Especially when they come over to you in shops or cafes and start talking to you. Why don't their families keep them away? I even struggle with my own. They're ok up till about 65 and then I lose interest.

That sounds lovely doesn't it. I always think anyone who is happy to write off a whole section of society based on their age is a bit of a twat tbh.

motherfugga · 28/12/2022 10:17

I like kids that are different ages to mine. I'm just out of the baby stage with our youngest (2.5) and my nightmare is when parents of newborn smiling ask me: 'would you like a cuddle?'

My private answer is 'hell no!' I often still contact nap with my own and that's annoying enough. Ask me again in 10 years when a snuggle is a novelty.

On the other hand, I really like chatting to other people's teenagers.

I used to love chatting to tiny kids before having my own but now mostly crave adult conversation for a nice change. I guess my own kids scratch that itch for me right now. I'm sure it will change again as they grow.

MrsToothyBitch · 28/12/2022 10:25

I like children but don't have my own so I have the energy for them and it's a change for me! I can imagine that if you have DC, the offspring of other people are a bit of a bus-man's holiday!

I hate babies though, so after faking politeness for a good while, I probably start to be interested at about the age a lot of the people who want to hold your baby for you have lost interest as you now have a mobile, noisy, alert child who needs interacting with, not a sleeping, lolling cherub. IME people who really adore babies in that way usually don't like children.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/12/2022 10:42

I’ve never been like that disliked kids because they weren’t mine.
I often wonder why people can be so hostile to other peoples kids Is it because they’re not the proof that you can reproduce, and I’m sorry well actually no I’m not sorry but not liking your nieces and nephews is weird.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/12/2022 10:44

MrsToothyBitch · 28/12/2022 10:25

I like children but don't have my own so I have the energy for them and it's a change for me! I can imagine that if you have DC, the offspring of other people are a bit of a bus-man's holiday!

I hate babies though, so after faking politeness for a good while, I probably start to be interested at about the age a lot of the people who want to hold your baby for you have lost interest as you now have a mobile, noisy, alert child who needs interacting with, not a sleeping, lolling cherub. IME people who really adore babies in that way usually don't like children.

How can you hate an innocent baby. I get not every finds human babies cute but to “hate” them.

Evergreen82738 · 28/12/2022 10:52

Horrible thread!

Mentalpiece · 28/12/2022 10:57

I can't stand other people's kids when they're aged between twelve months and eighteen, including my niece's and nephews.

Divebar2021 · 28/12/2022 11:06

I always think anyone who is happy to write off a whole section of society based on their age is a bit of a twat tbh

Absolutely this. Anyone saying “I hate kids” is an absolute twat. To think you’re going to write off every person between 0-18. What you have to remember is you were a child once and how you’d feel if you knew that all these adults in your life including your relatives disliked you. I would rather not be around you than inflict that kind of energy on my child.

PixieLaLa · 28/12/2022 11:13

I don’t think YABU, you are just being honest and some people find that uncomfortable.

I find the occasional child cute/funny but in general they are annoying and draining. Kids change the whole dynamic of a day or event, usually dominating the conversation and I find it so so boring if I’m being honest.

confessionsofacoffeeaddict · 28/12/2022 11:16

I find children so annoying. What the parents think is 'funny' and 'adorable' to others, really isn't.

I had an ex with two kids, I never wanted to date anyone with children and he knew that, I never hid the fact, but things progressed and I had to tolerate them. I was nice/kind/interacted/played with them/bought them gifts - but on the whole, wasn't keen, too loud. I hate noise.

StephanieSuperpowers · 28/12/2022 11:17

I try to like other children and I often do, but I really appreciate, for example, my SIL, who is so kind and sweet with my daughter that I feel compelled to reciprocate with her children. I expect she's making the effort too. But how do you forge intergenerational familial bonds if you don't try? So I try.

FarFlungFlamingo · 28/12/2022 11:22

Not sure why we all go about pretending kids are amazing and adorable, when they patently aren't.

It's rather narcissistic to think that your children are the exception to the rule though

JaninaDuszejko · 28/12/2022 11:23

Small children are psychopaths and pleasure to be around. They are cute so we don't kill them. The good news is that other people's teenagers are delightful so in a few years the problem is solved.

JaninaDuszejko · 28/12/2022 11:23

no pleasure

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/12/2022 11:46

PortiasBiscuit · 30/11/2022 16:15

Try harder, otherwise you are just being nasty and boring!

With respect, your dc are much older, which people say is when it becomes easier to like small children again.

When your dds were under ten, were you all unicorns and rainbows for other people's kids too?

Taswama · 28/12/2022 11:56

yanbu. I feel I would have been a much better aunt if I hadn’t had my own kids first.
I always loved kids before having them myself and can muster enthusiasm for little ones now mine are older (both secondary) but for a long time all my energy was spent on keeping an eye on what my kids were up to so couldn’t give others people’s kids much attention.