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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like other people's kids, even nephews and nieces?

77 replies

Pettv · 30/11/2022 16:03

Maybe not necessarily an aibu, but I'm interested to see if anyone else feels similar or I am just an awful person.

Before I had kids I loved children. I always baby sat and child minded. I worked in a school for a bit, and always paid attention to people's babies and kids. Spoiled my nieces and nephews (only had two at the time).

Now I have two kids under 4, and I find parenting full on. I love my kids and enjoy them, but I just cannot deal with other peoples kids. Friends and family seem fond of mine in a way I am not fond of theirs. It sounds so awful written down.

I just find most of the kids annoying, also have lots of nieces and nephews now and my kids are in no way perfect but I find I just don't have the energy for other kids bad (or normal young kid) behaviour.

Not sure what my aibu is but does anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
MumAlwaysWorries · 27/12/2022 19:32

This thread....pmsl!

likeafishneedsabike · 27/12/2022 19:44

Yes, a superb thread! Hilarious.
DS2 has a friend who once (only once) came around to ours and did a crap in the downstairs bog. It has no window and the house smelt of poo for ages.
DH and I hate other people’s kids so much that we banned him from the house. It’s bad enough your own DC making smells without other random kids joining in.
Like the OP, I adored all children before my own DC. I still love teenagers but can’t abide primary age unless I birthed them myself.

girlfriend44 · 27/12/2022 20:04

ShirleyPhallus · 30/11/2022 16:15

I find other people’s children extremely annoying. Probably top of the list are the chatty stranger ones who come over to tell you about the swing set they have in their garden / what the dream about etc etc and the parents sit there with stars in their eyes watching adoringly as their child chats to you

No thanks. Go away pls and thank u

This post says alot about you that is cruel. You were a child once you know. How would you like it if people hadn't wanted to talk to you.

Dahlietta · 27/12/2022 20:07

I actually like other people's children a lot more since I had my own than I did before. I still like mine A LOT more than anyone else's though.

TroublesomeLuck · 27/12/2022 20:09

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling like this (I am the same)
So long as you appreciate other people feel like that about your children then that's fine, I think

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 20:13

I think it depends on the children. I love kids in general but there are a few that are quite hard work and are let to get away with behaviour I wouldn't dream of letting mine get away with. Consequently they are hard work. When you have your own kids to look after, the threshold of patience with kids is even lower.

XenoBitch · 27/12/2022 20:16

I don't like kids. If one tries to speak to me, I don't know what to do.
I have nephews but don't have much of a relationship with my sister so never see them anyway.

HaggisWurst · 27/12/2022 20:54

I totally relate to this! Before I had my son, I had loads of time for other people's kids! I can still be around friends' kids (although after an entire weekend, I do look forward to getting away again) but other kids at playgroups or nursery or parties, I have to grit my teeth and grin and fake the "oh really wow!'

I think it's just because I'm so touched out with my own. I love spending time with my son, and he's with me the majority of the time, but he fills that "kid cup" and I just don't have anything left for other people's kids anymore. I'm also 35 weeks pregnant so that might affect it too.

Peoplepissmeoff · 27/12/2022 20:57

Generally I can't stand other people's children although there is the odd exception. I don't even like my niece let alone love her. Spoilt, selfish, spiteful and manipulative.

TheHateIsNotGood · 27/12/2022 21:12

Can't say my view of other people's dc has changed much since I had ds. If they're around me and want or need my attention, I've always given it in my own way - treating them like they are their own person, within respectful boundaries including those laid down by their parents.

It's fun to be the weird auntie, odd lady, etc - it makes the dc laugh whilst you're also caring for them. Having had ds I might even be more interested in the individual personalities of other people's dc than I was before.

It does take a village indeed, the best parts are those that happen naturally.

noworklifebalance · 27/12/2022 21:16

YANBU - I adored my DN and then I had kids and it was like a switch flipped and I now find all other children irritating. I feel so bad about it, too but it’s visceral. However, as this thread shows, others will feel the same about mine

XenoBitch · 27/12/2022 21:18

girlfriend44 · 27/12/2022 20:04

This post says alot about you that is cruel. You were a child once you know. How would you like it if people hadn't wanted to talk to you.

Show quote history

Can you help what you find annoying?

I don't like kids.. and the kids I knew when I was one were bullying little shits.

And you know what else, I was made up from a sperm too, but I fucking hate the taste of them.

noworklifebalance · 27/12/2022 21:20

verabarbleen · 30/11/2022 18:18

I do like children well most of them but I have found since having my own I never hold
People's babies anymore I'm just not interested .

Same here. I see someone else’s baby and I feel nothing, not the remotest desire to hold them, whilst others seem to love the baby cuddles

BibblesworthTheThird · 27/12/2022 21:22

God yes. I hate myself for feeling like this but you’ve described it exactly.

mackthepony · 27/12/2022 21:24

Same here. I have no time for other people's kids

mackthepony · 27/12/2022 21:25

If I see someone with very young kids having a meltdown I'm just so relieved it's not me having to deal with it

mackthepony · 27/12/2022 21:28

I walked into a Pizza Express with revolving doors for lunch the other day and was hit by a wall of toddler screams and and I just kept inside the revolving door and swiftly exited. Didn't even have to think about it.

^^
Oh this is me. I have zero tolerance for toddlers. I'm just so over it all

Robekinobi · 27/12/2022 21:31

Agree with above poster re. evolutionary advantage to look after your own kids, not others. Mine our older now (teens) and I adore my toddler DN but I wonder if that would have been the case had the age gap had been closer.

Another example of this is how beautiful your own baby is compared to others of a similar age - I felt sorry for other parents! Looking back I can see how ridiculous (and untrue) this was but nature is amazing!

FlirtyMelons · 27/12/2022 21:39

I think you're right in a way. There are some kids I like having around, they tend to be kids of adults I really like, so close family or friends. I find my niece on my husbands side very irritating, she is spoilt and materialistic and I dislike those traits a lot. My nephew (son of my brother) I like, not sure if it is because he is my own brothers child though.

I prefer teenagers to young kids, babies/toddlers are lovely also, it's just the in between ones.

thefatpotato · 27/12/2022 21:50

I really like some of my friends kids, and some of my kids friends. I love two of my nephews, but don't very much enjoy my two nieces as I find them very annoying.

What I find most difficult is when I have good friends and I don't like their kids/how the are with my kids. It makes seeing them logically more difficult because we can't just do a play date!

Mumoffairy · 27/12/2022 21:58

I used to not like children at all. When i uad my own that changed.
I love mine and the ones from family/friends a lot. Strangers kids are a nightmare though.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/12/2022 22:03

girlfriend44 · 27/12/2022 20:04

This post says alot about you that is cruel. You were a child once you know. How would you like it if people hadn't wanted to talk to you.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t have cared because I wouldn’t realise adults don’t really want to talk to me about my swing set?

crackofdoom · 27/12/2022 22:12

I think the revulsion might slowly wear off. For example, my youngest is 7 now, and I can enjoy a good cuddle with a baby again nowadays. Toddlers though? Nope nope nope nope nope. Maybe I'll feel differently when my youngest is older? 🤔

Witchcraftandhokum · 27/12/2022 22:13

It's odd. If you're a mother it's perfectly acceptable for you to say "I don't like any children apart from my own" but if you're a childfree woman who says "I don't like children" you're completely unreasonable.

OoooohMatron · 27/12/2022 22:20

I do actually like my niece and nephew (brothers) kids, maybe because they are being raised very similar to mine as DB and me have the same views on a lot of things. My DC are 10 and 12 and I really like some of their friends and am not so keen on others, same as with any person, child or adult. Little children are more annoying I think.