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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Xmas presents

31 replies

Star78P · 30/11/2022 09:12

How does everyone sort out what the kids are getting for Xmas?
My DH and I have had a bit of a row about it. Basically I have a list which I have been asking him to look at for weeks. He finally did on Monday but didn't agree with a couple if bits - he said it was too much and more money than he wanted to spend. (I am using my bonus money to cover all the kids Xmas presents.)
As a compromise I took of one of the things on each list but I kept on the other one he didn't agree with (it was a board game each).
I then went and ordered all of it. He is pissed off this morning that he feels he hasn't been included and I have just done it all myself.
Was I unreasonable or is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NoNamesLeft234678 · 30/11/2022 16:13

Erm, I've chosen everything 🤣 My boyfriend doesn't enjoy gift shopping and struggles with it 🤷‍♀️ He did buy him a squishmallow though 🥰

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/11/2022 16:20

Our idea was we both go away and write lists/come up with ideas and we talk about it in September so we can buy them across the next couple of months (DS's birthday is in December as well).

Usually DH has come up with a couple of ideas and I have two very full lists. We'll then veto things down to our budget. Works out quite fair as if DH wanted to have more of a say then he can. I love buying presents and get quite carried away so I also need someone to rein me in.

The second year around DH didn't bring anything to the table and was pissed off when I said that since I was the only one who'd given it any thought, then he can't veto my whole list unless he has something to suggest in it's place. He was quite pissed off as he felt he couldn't contribute but I just pointed out that if he had of pulled his finger out then he could have had more of a say. Since then he has and usually suggests the larger, more main presents whereas I'm good at the smaller things.

Starlight86 · 30/11/2022 16:26

Based on what you've said he sounds unreasonable.

Me and DH have a whatsapp chat that we throw about ideas, actually sometimes its me that has to reign him in a little.

We save all year for xmas so its the one time we can go all out and spoil the kids.
We are probably just quite lucky that this is the one thing we both seem to be in agreement with lol.

justanothermanicmonday21 · 30/11/2022 16:40

I think YABU to have just ordered it all. When I was with my ex we would go shopping together and also talk through purchases. Both buying odd bits here and there.

Now I'm alone I do most of it myself but I still talk to new partner about what I'm buying and we keep an eye out for each other's kids wish lists to look for offers, we'll sit and do it together still although the decision of what to buy is our own choices but we ask for opinions, if its enough and a good balance between kids etc and we'll go shopping a few times to get odd bits and stocking things, have a browse round the Xmas markets and do each other's family together.

creamwitheverything · 30/11/2022 16:43

In our house it goes something like this...so and so want x y z for xmas says I
oh ok get that then says He
End of story really,He might say can you order xyz for someone? I say yep wheres your card! Rarely does he ever know who is having what unless it it is specifically mentioned,He doesnt tend to get involved but he does pay for it all.

Tdcp · 30/11/2022 16:47

I've bought everything for DD, DP is currently panicking as he has no idea what to get.

YumSushi · 30/11/2022 16:49

Why is your bonus money paying for their presents. Aren't they his kids too?

JustFrustrated · 30/11/2022 18:13

This year was our most organised yet.

I did a spreadsheet.

The main present - we decided on together, and he then found the rights one of each, confirmed and purchased.

Then the other smaller "under the tree" presents, I took off the kids wish lists and decided which I thought they actually wanted Vs just put down. Purchased them, occasionally showing some to DH when something particularly cute arrives.

The stocking, entirely me. I just listed 20 small things and will buy as and when.

It works out as we spend fairly equal amounts, he gets input into the main stuff but can tune out from the minutae that I love and he hates.

Nether of us have ever vetod a choice. Never needed to.

AttilaTheUOkHun · 30/11/2022 18:23

How are your finances in general?
I wouldn't be happy if DH bought a load of tat that the kids won't use.

TumbleFryer · 30/11/2022 18:24

Why are you paying for them all? That seems very unfair.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/11/2022 18:27

I sort it all, DH is as surprised as the children on Christmas morning. I occasionally chat to him about a big item but what I buy and how much it costs is up to me. The difference here is my DH is happy with the arrangement.

gogohmm · 30/11/2022 18:31

Most households delegate presents to one parent, usually mum in my experience. We agreed a budget I suppose, or rather I told him what it was. I still inform him of the budget and to send me half despite being divorced (he's very obedient)

MistyFrequencies · 30/11/2022 18:32

I buy it all then say, " ive got the xnas presents, your half is €350, want to Revolut me?".

Familydilemmas · 30/11/2022 18:34

I come up with ideas, run them past DH and he says yes or no, what about x instead. I do all the ordering but he’ll pick out stocking fillers and books himself. Some things we’ll sit down and discuss more going back and forth

NotToBeShaked · 30/11/2022 18:39

Throw ideas around. Write a list, split list in half in terms of £££. Each responsible for our half of the list.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/11/2022 18:56

DH is generally pretty proactive on this stuff but on the rare occasions he's not he doesn't get shitty because I've sorted it when we're under time pressure.

In this case, you disagreed on budget and irritated it had taken so long to get there you took an executive decision. Over two board games it sounds unreasonable.

Puddywoodycat · 30/11/2022 18:59

We both put money aside every month for Xmas.
Different % I add more when I can.
Would this help?

Skyeheather · 30/11/2022 19:05

I do the stocking and DP chooses the main present. Both our families usually send us money to buy the kids a gift, DP spends his family's money on items of his choice and I spend my family's money on items of my choice.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/11/2022 19:27

If he wants a proper say, he is welcome to produce his own list at an earlier point. But he was happy to let you do all the mental load, so should shut up now unless it is unaffordable.

The way it works in my house is - I choose gifts, discuss with dp if outside the usual budget, he is approximately grateful for my work and doesn't quibble about my choices.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/11/2022 19:28

*appropriately grateful

ItsTheSmallThings · 30/11/2022 19:30

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/11/2022 18:27

I sort it all, DH is as surprised as the children on Christmas morning. I occasionally chat to him about a big item but what I buy and how much it costs is up to me. The difference here is my DH is happy with the arrangement.

This is the same in our house, i like to buy things DH doesn't.
DH is then as excited as the children on Christmas as he doesn't have a clue what they have. Works for us.

PussInBin20 · 30/11/2022 19:33

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/11/2022 18:27

I sort it all, DH is as surprised as the children on Christmas morning. I occasionally chat to him about a big item but what I buy and how much it costs is up to me. The difference here is my DH is happy with the arrangement.

Same here. I would worry what he would buy people seen as he asked me to get him a fuel can for Xmas!

familyissues12345 · 30/11/2022 19:34

I've always done everything, DH wouldn't have a scooby what I buy! Christmas Day is as much as a surprise for him as it is the children HmmGrin.

I don't go overboard though, and only go over budget for something particularly special/needed, so I guess he knows he can let me get on with it

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/11/2022 19:34

YumSushi · 30/11/2022 16:49

Why is your bonus money paying for their presents. Aren't they his kids too?

Not sure it's our place to quiz their family financial setup

NoKnit · 30/11/2022 19:36

Good grief it's still November our kids don't even know what they want themselves yet or made a list.

We generally both get a few ideas together each.

Have people really already ordered it all? Where is the fun in that? Mind you there'll be people along in a second saying they've wrapped it all as well 🤣