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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my 2 year old away from soft play before she even went in

33 replies

pinkflamingo561 · 29/11/2022 23:19

Went to the garden centre this afternoon, one of the ones with a soft play.

We put our stuff down and then went to pay and get drinks. For some reason the queue was horrendous, there were so many people there, I think we waited in excess on 15 minutes.

Dd was fine to start with but got restless, I picked her up but she kept trying to get down and run into the soft play (separate room to the cafe and I wouldn't be able to see her). I asked if we needed to leave and she said no. She then started really kicking off, wriggling out of my arms. Queue all the people staring. She ran off and I got her back she then almost dived out of my arms then ran off into the other room and into the soft play, so I picked her up, got our stuff, and left. I do feel bad now as she clearly can't wait in a queue that long.

Wibu to do that? Can she understand the reason? I just couldn't stand there with her kicking off any longer with everyone watching. I also hate empty threats and I had mentioned leaving so that's what we did.

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 29/11/2022 23:22

Well, it depends on her comprehension level to an extent. I think she's quite young to wait nicely in a 20 minute queue.

could you not have played for a while then had lunch?

Original poster
pinkflamingo561 · 29/11/2022 23:27

You have to pay for the soft play at the counter.

OP posts:
IHateJon · 29/11/2022 23:30

She'll get over it she's 2 years old!

Quitelikeit · 29/11/2022 23:30

Yabu

a young child cannot be expected to control their emotions at such a young age especially when presented with a view of a soft play area

however and I mean this kindly it was actually you who really failed to control your own emotions

I think you know that though hence your post

Sunnydaysahead2 · 29/11/2022 23:31

YANBU.I would be careful not to blame her, just say the wait was too long and she would need to wait quietly. Distraction works wonders at that age - if you can go and see something else vaguely exciting, that works.

Balletandbooks · 30/11/2022 00:08

Not unreasonable, I think it’s unreasonable for soft play to have such a queue. They’d be better giving you a time slot and telling you to come back in 15 mins.

OkPedro · 30/11/2022 00:20

Sorry did you ask your toddler or someone else if you needed to leave?

ZiggyAndChanelle · 30/11/2022 00:23

you’re expecting far too much from a TWO year old

ladydimitrescu · 30/11/2022 00:28

YABU, she's two. They have extremely big feelings that they have no idea how to regulate. 20 mins in view of a soft play, being held when she didn't want to be would have seemed forever for her. Could you not have taken her for a little walk until the line went down? Trying to hold her I think added to the problem tbh.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 30/11/2022 00:32

Masses of people? I'd have left as soon as I saw that. Every single time my child went to soft play, they'd pick up a horrible bug, usually a vomiting bug. Fuck that!

Tothemoonandbackx · 30/11/2022 00:37

Sorry, but YABU, 15 minutes is hardly a life time, and even if other parents were staring at you, have they never been in the same predicament before??. I've had to wait over 30 minutes before for a soft play with my DD, and I felt guilt more than anything that we couldn't just get in as she was desperate. Yes she had a tantrum, but I could understand as she was desperate to get in and play and I just tried my best at distracting her, I wasn't going to pull her out of a queue after waiting over half an hour. Next time if possible, bring something you can do with her while in the queue, play a game or show her a video on your phone.

stiffstink · 30/11/2022 00:41

What exactly was the huge queue for? Was it for the soft play or drinks in the cafe or both?

And if DD could get in the soft play without passing a barrier/till, couldn't you have suggested to the counter staff that you'd pop back to pay and get drinks when the queue went down?

I've walked into all sorts of places with my kids for the loo etc - cinema, crazy golf- and said I'd be back to pay in 5 mins, it's never caused a problem.

I think you were too hard on yourself.

Summerfun54321 · 30/11/2022 00:42

She had a melt down and you left. There are going to be many more times when you have to abandon plans like this. You’ll also stop caring about people staring.

LeevMarie · 30/11/2022 00:47

Going against the majority here, but I think you were right. I would've done exactly the same.

Kids need to know that there are boundaries and if you were uncomfortable, you removed yourselves from the situation before it escalated further.

I've taken DS, now 4, out of soft play, minigolf, cafes and other settings when he has behaved badly at that age. He now understands the expectations and that I'm not a push over. I can't think of a time over the last year when I've had to do it and that makes days out much more enjoyable.

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 00:50

Was the queue to pay for the soft play? I'd have just let her go in then paid when the queue died down.

surreygirl1987 · 30/11/2022 01:28

I don't get it - why did you leave?

She's only 2 - of course she's going to be desperate to go into the soft play! My 2 year old would definitely struggle waiting 15 mins for something he's really excited about- it's a lifetime at that age!

BadNomad · 30/11/2022 01:40

Next time maybe give her (fake paper?) money in her hand and explain to her she has to pay the person at the counter before she can go into the soft play room. I think at 2-years-old she just doesn't understand the process.

AliceMcK · 30/11/2022 01:45

No sweetie, you have to pay first, give her the money, card, promise of sweets, teach her patients and delayed gratification. Leaving the place is just a cop out, children of all ages wait for things.

wineNcheeseifYplease · 30/11/2022 02:06

I think you set unreasonable terms by saying you'd have to go if her behaviour didnt improve. You put the onus on her. It's a long time to wait in the queue for a little one. You should have found a way to distract her or explained that it was too busy and you could try again later. But to punish her for getting frustrated is wrong. Imo.

Stayingstrongish · 30/11/2022 06:35

Sometimes situations come up like this in parenting where there is no perfect option, you just have to muddle through and do your best.

I’m not sure if you had another adult with you. If you did, I would have let them queue while taking her off for a wander to distract. If you didn’t, you didn’t have much choice but to queue.

I wouldn’t have let her run off somewhere I couldn’t see her either, if the soft play is not enclosed. I’m a single mum and something I have learnt is to carry entertainment everywhere with me. So I’d have taken out something like sticker books and dinosaur toys to help distract while we waited.

Westendbuoys · 30/11/2022 06:46

I don't think I would have queued in the first place. 15 minutes is a lifetime at that age. A garden centre near us has the same set up and I never mention about going to the cafe or soft play until I've seen the queue or I'm with someone else who can entertain while I queue.

Soontobe60 · 30/11/2022 06:48

I would have done the same as you. But I’ve now learned that when you take toddlers somewhere where they may have a long wait and you’re on your own, always take the buggy too so they can be safely restrained whilst queueing.

HS1990 · 30/11/2022 06:48

Sorry but all the soft plays I've been too usually take payment online. Can you check before you take her?

Northernlassie1974 · 30/11/2022 06:57

YADNBU

Children are never too young to learn consequences. You told her no, she kept ignoring you. You warned her you’d have to go, she kept running off. Consistency is key- totally agree with you, empty threats just lead to children who are badly behaved. I’ve done the same for both my children (not this specific situation but have followed through with a consequence from young) Both my children are extremely well behaved and respectful: I say that in a non biased way, whenever they go to friends houses or we’re out with friends and their children, others comment on how well behaved our children are. They aren’t robots, they still misbehave, but when they do, they know there is a consequence and accept it (not always happily but they do understand)

What I will say is, take it as a learning point, don’t give a consequence that is difficult to follow through with in future…I learnt this too. Time out is useful. Before you go anywhere there is likely to be a queue, speak to them, explain if there is a queue you can’t go in until you’ve paid. Give an activity they can do (play with a toy theyve brought etc) but they must not run off. Warn them that if they do run off you’ll have to take them outside for time out and they’ll miss some playing time. Yes a two year old is learning, yes they are too young to fully comprehend consequences, but that’s why it’s our job to teach them. If it happens then, take them outside. Walk around with them, explain that you want to go in but they must stay with you because it’s not safe to run off. They will learn eventually! There’s a reason why it’s the terrible twos!

I was once told by a friend that I was being too harsh when I gave my child a time out for hitting someone who had said something nasty to her, she was ‘too young to understand’ (3). She said that she might need to hit back one day ?!? I stuck to my guns, she’s isn’t scarred for life, she’s now in secondary school: same friend has dealt with exclusions for their child and many behaviour difficulties over the years, she has since said she wished she’d been firmer from the beginning!

She definitely won’t be scarred for life OP, if she does remember it, then that is a good thing and she will understand eventually that she needs to follow instructions from her parents.

Yes it’s unreasonable to expect a 2 year old to wait for 20mins, but, as is life, sometimes we are presented with these situations and children need to learn that they need to follow instructions from their parents.

Tirrrrred · 30/11/2022 07:01

Did you think your 2 year old would say "yes I've not behaved I think I should be punished. Let's leave"