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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ofsted and Pre school

58 replies

wowmummy · 28/11/2022 21:11

Ok trying to keep this brief...

Ofsted were at my twins Pre school. They were speaking to parents and asked me about staff. I named staff my children talk about at home but one particular member of staff that I've never really got on with I said was unapproachable and she split the twins up without consulting me first and that pissed my husband and both off and said that one speaks much better without the other. At home she never shuts up, she's the quieter child but there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different and that's her. My son is a quiet child with the other twin being a louder child. I see no NEED either, they have a twin bond without a doubt and are still in the nurturing phase of their lives. She isn't there key worker either. She also tries to pull the comforter out of one of my twins mouths - sucking its ear 🤢 and that annoys me as they go two days out of 7 in their young lives and it doesn't do anyone any harm for the bunny to be there even if it's just on the peg. Anyway staff have found out, really frosty this morning - no professionalism but ok they are obviously annoyed and then this afternoon I went and one of them was dry in pants - hasn't been in weeks and I said 'same trousers? Yayyy' and they just ignored me. And I said 'did XXXX go themselves?' And they said 'yes but more interested in playing with the sink' so I said 'oh ok, thanks bye'

I previously told them that we were not happy to be met with 'we've split them up today' and they said they wouldn't do it again and I did say to Ofsted they are now in the same room but it was the way that particular member of staff went about it

I told Ofsted WHY I didn't like that member of staff and that is the truth and now feel I shouldn't have said anything? What is the point if you are met with that and is that being filtered down to my children and their care? Will it blow over? This was the first day they had seen me since the inspection so maybe they were wondering how I was going to be? They didn't even said 'they've been fine, had a great day'

Im sure that my comments wouldn't have affected their score?

I don't want to move them, it's all people that are clicky with the area too. However I didn't mention that in over a year I've seen no reports, nothing. Just one settling in meeting after 4 weeks. I don't even know their next steps

I'm so anxious it's unreal!

OP posts:

Barbie222 · 28/11/2022 21:25

I can see how you feel but it is very very rare that it's the best thing for twins to be places together if there are any other options, at any educational setting.

Ofsted won't have mentioned your name but unless there are several sets of twins at your nursery it won't have been richer science to work out who the feedback is from. They are answering your questions and giving you feedback so I'd leave it. You aren't looking for new friends?

Original poster

wowmummy · 28/11/2022 21:30

No they know it's me 100000%

Correct Im not looking for new friends but it's a small community everyone knows everyone and all that bull which I stay out of but I expect people have been talking about what I have said

I just don't want it affecting their care? If they are treating me like that? I know that sounds stupid though

OP posts:

MarianneVos · 28/11/2022 21:55

Have you read the research? That's far from correct.

OP, you will get loads of people who don't have twins having an opinion on this but it's not really what's relevant.

I think the OFSTED person should have been more discreet or asked your permission to discuss it given how identifiable it would be. It sounds like the staff are being a bit unprofessional, but I'd wait to see if it just blows over after a few days.

MarianneVos · 28/11/2022 21:56

MarianneVos · 28/11/2022 21:55

Have you read the research? That's far from correct.

OP, you will get loads of people who don't have twins having an opinion on this but it's not really what's relevant.

Sorry first comment was @Barbie

MeJane · 28/11/2022 21:58

Im sure that my comments wouldn't have affected their score?

There is no score. Have you ever read an OFSTED? They can contain detailed information and quotes.

djewel · 28/11/2022 22:00

Name change. Long time poster.

I'm a twin.
I've taught many many twins.
I have lots of friends with twins.

It is always in their best interests to split them. They need their own stories to tell and they need to develop their own selves.

Noname99 · 28/11/2022 22:14

Ofsted are their regulators. Does your complaints (don’t like her, split twins up once but then you complained and she stopped and takes toy out of child’s mouth) rate reporting the setting to their regulator whose opinion can make it break their setting. Would you have reported your bank/insurance company/doctor/dentist to their regulator for similar failings?

What do you do for a living? Would you expect to be reported to your regulator (not boss - higher than that) for this level of customer complaint.

That said, they should not ‘take it out’ on you and I’m sure they won’t be any different to your children. They may be paid less than a till operator and have to suck up endless complaint from every parent who thinks they know better /their child is the most important but nursery workers are usually the most kind professionals who put the best interests of the children at ge forefront.

Original poster

wowmummy · 28/11/2022 23:23

No I didn't contact Ofsted to complain or report them

Ofsted were there doing there inspection and asked my opinions/experiences and I told them it. I'm not going to lie

When I say score I mean outcome, satisfactory,good,outstanding etc

OP posts:

Frayed202 · 29/11/2022 11:37

Is it possible the staff are just a bit stressed with ofsted in?

Having said that I’m a parent of twins and have experienced similar (some people have strange pre-conceived ideas!)

Check out twins trust. Research says there is no right or wrong with splitting - it’s whatever is right for YOUR particular set of twins. But I have found I have to be very clear with settings about what WE think suits our set and to also listen to what they think / why they think they should stay together or apart at different stages.

We did move ours. New setting took a v gentle approach and didn’t force any separation. They flew through the door. Took a while for the anxiety one had developed to subside. My biggest regret was not moving sooner.

New teacher this year, new ideas and we’re going through it all again….

Original poster

wowmummy · 29/11/2022 12:46

Well Ofsted were in last Wednesday. This was yesterday but I am just worried the attitude they had towards me, very frosty etc has been filtered down to my children.

Is it unprofessional? Blatantly ignoring me and walking off? Especially when we had a complete dry day in pants? Usually they would make a big fuss.

I just feel they are taking it out on me what I said and anxious about the greeting the children and I will get

OP posts:

Katapolts · 29/11/2022 12:51

What were you hoping the outcome would be from you complaining about a staff member to Ofsted?

The complaints you mention should have been made to the nursery manager and dealt with by them. Complaining to the inspector is a bit of a nuclear option.

Of course it's going to have damaged your relationship with them.

Original poster

wowmummy · 29/11/2022 12:55

There was no outcome I just said this is why I thought a particular member of staff was rude, her manner etc

It was dealt with and I told the Ofsted inspector that. I said for example this is what she did.... I can't just say oh I don't like xxxxx, they would want to know why surely?

Why 'of course' it would damage a relationship? Ofsted asked me a question and I answered it?

OP posts:

Original poster

wowmummy · 29/11/2022 12:56

I wasn't complaining, I was saying why I didn't like the member of staff

Can I STRESS I didn't contact Ofsted, they were there and asked me about staff. Why should I lie?

OP posts:

Katapolts · 29/11/2022 13:04

If your issue had already been dealt with there was even less reason to bring it up during an inspection then?

Of course the nursery will be upset - they've been inspected and you have told the inspector that you find a particular staff member rude and don't like her. It's going to seem to the nursery that you were trying to sabotage their inspection.

Surely you can put yourself in their position?

Theguiltyfeminist · 29/11/2022 13:06

It sounds as if they are embarrassed. After all, if the nursery staff were completely happy with what had happened in the nursery and how they had dealt with everything, then presumably they would have no problem with the inspector knowing about it? The only reason they might be angry with the OP is if they think it’s something which should have been hidden and hushed up, in which case they know it was they who were in the wrong.

MaverickSnoopy · 29/11/2022 13:10

As a Childcare professional myself who is very conscious of how terrified the sector is of Ofsted, my view is that you basically assassinated them.

While I've agree with you, that the things you mention are issues. You take them up directly with the nursery and work through the complaints process, then if you're unhappy with the outcome then you go to Ofsted. However, if you are happy with the outcome (or accept it and decide not to go to ofsted) during the complaints process you are then accepting that you have no place in taking it to Ofsted at a later date, particularly during an inspection. Not mentioning something that's been dealt with and is closed, isn't lying to ofsted. If it's ongoing and not dealt with then you stick to the complaints process in the first instance. I would have probably mentioned the lack of updates and next steps though. Just so you know though, the eyfs changed in 2021 and removed the need for written paperwork (apart from the 2 year check) but there should be an open dialogue about progress and you should know what their next steps are.

I think the staff are being unprofessional with you. I'm sure it will blow over. Give it another couple of weeks and if you're still not happy then discuss it with the nursery manager. However, they've probably had a b*ocking from the nursery manager and its possibly even been directed at all staff (knowing the way an awful lot of nursery managers treat their staff 😔). Keep an eye out for the Ofsted report. They get an inspection once every 6 years and so their grading will stick with them and possibly impact the business.

ranyBoskie · 29/11/2022 13:21

wowmummy · 28/11/2022 21:30

No they know it's me 100000%

Correct Im not looking for new friends but it's a small community everyone knows everyone and all that bull which I stay out of but I expect people have been talking about what I have said

I just don't want it affecting their care? If they are treating me like that? I know that sounds stupid though

Doesn't sound stupid though

I would never have the balls to say something that would piss off a person who is left alone with my kids. Same way I wouldn't complain about food and kick up a fuss in a restaurant then expect the meal to come back to me without being spat on. But that's just cynical me. 🙄

Original poster

wowmummy · 29/11/2022 13:25

Katapolts · 29/11/2022 13:04

If your issue had already been dealt with there was even less reason to bring it up during an inspection then?

Surely you can put yourself in their position?

I can but I also said how they had dealt with it and sang the praises of the other staff - three ones in particular. My son went there before as well and I said that I wouldn't be sending the twins if I wasn't happy with his care as well.

I could understand if I just threw a safeguarding allegation out there but I didn't!

OP posts:

Original poster

wowmummy · 29/11/2022 13:27

Theguiltyfeminist · 29/11/2022 13:06

Yeah maybe a 'no need' attitude. He in all fairness anyone can say anything it's a free country and I want lying. I just could say I don't like xxxx without explaining myself that seems worse

OP posts:

mynameiscalypso · 29/11/2022 13:32

Honestly, I can't believe you'd even tell Ofsted that you don't like a particular member of staff in the first place. It's such a shitty thing to do when Ofsted ratings are so important to a setting.

OmiOmy · 29/11/2022 13:34

If it had been all sorted out why would you even bring it up? I've never known parents to complain about members of staff (usually around curriculum, policies and provision) especially since it had been resolved.

Katapolts · 29/11/2022 13:37

I think singling out a particular member of staff to have a moan about to the inspector is the thing that will have gone over worst with the staff.
I can't really understand what you thought would happen or why it was a sensible thing to do.

Strictly1 · 29/11/2022 13:44

I’m shocked that you thought that it was a wise thing to do. I’m sure they’re not taking it out in your children and you will now get the minimum from them. Sadly Ofsted can really impact on a business. If it had been dealt with as you state, all you did was stir a shitty pot.

Christmaslover2022 · 29/11/2022 13:50

I feel like this is an issue you should have brought up with management in the first instance. Ofsted will go to town on that, it WILL affect their grade. I agree, they should have went about it in a different manner and personally I would switch to another nursery now with immediate effect as you've had a complete breakdown in relationship. They should have called a meeting to discuss this but you should have put in a complaint really.

Strictly1 · 29/11/2022 13:57

Think of it this way - you forgot your child’s coat. A member of staff spoke to you and it was dealt with. A social worker then comes in to talk about your parenting and the nursery workers talk at length about how you forgot a coat when it was cold.

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